What is in your rule book?

Once I worked out "my rules" everything in life became so much easier. My rule book is still a work in progress as I change but it is the one thing that transformed my life back in 2003 when I had panic attacks and anxiety. It made every part of my life flow better as I was "clear" in my communication. This was a positive effect on the staff I managed (upward & downward) my clients, my friendships and my family life.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good

is like expecting the bull not to charge 

because you are a vegetarian.

~ Dennis Wholey

Seeing the world as I do means I expect it to operate according to certain rules I’ve created in my head. It’s the same for us all. We create rules about how the world “should” work. These are our expectations.

These rules are based on our upbringing and experiences. In my case, I (as a self-appointed superhero prior to my panic attacks) tend to assign superhero expectations on other people. I believe everyone should behave as I do... and therefore I can be easily disappointed. 

We expect people to treat us like we treat them. If we return a phone call the same day, we would expect others to do the same thing. If we fail to say thank you for a thoughtful gesture, we are more likely to accept the same from someone else and actually feel guilty and resentful if they do it (because we are now the ‘bad person’ who failed to say thanks!). We all know not everyone is the same, yet we automatically feel disappointed because other people don’t measure up to our expectations - or, we automatically feel disappointed in ourselves because someone has, through their behaviours, pointed out an undesirable trait in ourselves.

Try not to become a man of success 

but rather try to become a man of value.

~ Albert Einstein

For many years, my expectations of myself were too high and this is something that I have changed. I would always expect to be treated the same way by other people and would be disappointed. The return phone call is a simple example, but one that has always really annoyed me for years. Being in sales, it is important to return phone calls the same day or one day later. If you want to provide good customer service, then returning phone calls to clients as soon as possible is imperative. My expectation with everyone I call is that I expect to be treated the same way. Unfortunately, I have set myself up for constant disappointment, as I cannot expect others to work the way I work.  

The most important thing in life is giving back.

~ Michael R Bloomberg

Once I accepted this I was on the road to clarity and took it one step further - I started my own rule book which I refer to even now.....and committed it to paper.

My rules now support me and protect me from being a "people pleaser" however I still sometime fall into old habits. My rule book reminds me of my learnings and the people who are important and the type of people I want to attract in my life. This is where I refer to the "rule book" of Sandy Colombo

Here the how to start your own rule book....

What is the most important thing in life to you?

What is important in your relationships both in work and play?

Who are the people you want to be around?

What is the best breakdown of your time i.e. work, play & self care?

What are your absolute YES's in life?