What Is Your Relationship with Money Actually Costing You?

Life is about relationships. The way in which we relate to other people, our work, and our money, all impacts our life.

Let me explain.

Think of your closest friend, how does it feel to be with them? For me, I feel joy, laughter, and lightness. I love our deep conversations, having someone who I know has my back, who picks me up when I'm down, and who cheers me on.

Research even shows that deep, meaningful relationships contribute to our happiness and health.

So when you apply this same thing to money, what is your relationship with it?

Mine, like most, was extremely complicated.

As 2nd generation Canadian, my immigrant parents believed that you had to work hard to make money, layered with the model minority myth, their own money trauma, and that of their lineage meant that I grew up believing that money was hard. That things were always a struggle. And that money went out just as fast as it came in.

My parents had a business and worked morning til night, 7 days a week, and only closed for 3 guaranteed days off a year, sometimes more for special occasions only.

So naturally, I followed in their footprints. I worked multiple jobs, while attending school full-time and still had side hustles on top of those. And when I went full-time with my business, I worked even more, pulling 15-hour (or more) days, 7 days a week, squeezing in a bit of family time but just enough to stop them from complaining, and only present in body but not mind.

I truly believed that the harder I worked the more money I would make. And looking back, the crazy thing I couldn't see was that even though I was working really hard, I wasn't making a lot of money. My relationship with money was one of distrust, that money was bad, but because money is necessary for survival, I didn't, at that time, have the capacity or knowledge to change it.

So many things contribute to our relationships with money - our upbringing, our primary caregiver's beliefs, the way they speak about money, the way they grew up, and then outside of your home, your peers, your neighborhood, society, etc.

What is your current relationship with money costing you?

It cost me years of peace, rest, and precious time with my child and family. I was so focused on how to make money that I took work on vacation, I laid awake at night thinking about what else I could offer, I freaked out with every single bill (even when I had the money to pay it), I avoided talking about it and would shut down with any money conversations. Money consumed my life. My daughter asked for me to just stop working and spend time with her, and I spent much of that time distracted, thinking about all of the work I had left to do, the clients that were waiting, etc.

It's now been years of unpacking my money trauma, working on my beliefs, doing somatic work, and really healing my relationship with money.

The difference from just a few years ago to now is remarkable in many ways (from a personal viewpoint obviously). I feel a lot more neutral with spending money than I used to, I know that there are ways to make more of it, I have the capacity to learn about investing, I check my accounts frequently, and I have more respect for it.

As with any relationship in your life, there are easy and challenging times. You may have a lot of baggage and emotions to work through.

But living in a society in which you need money to buy food, stay housed, pay taxes, etc. this relationship is worth working on.

So I will leave you with one final question, what do you desire your relationship with money to feel like? You can create a healthier relationship with money and you get to be intentional about it. So take time to reflect on this. I know it seems weird to think about a relationship with an inanimate object but how you relate and engage with money and finances will change your life.

Want to dive deeper? Take my fr*ee 5-Day Heal Your Relationship with Money Challenge.