What is your North Star?

My life is entirely different today than it was six months ago, yet my values are the same. What has changed is how I honor them.

A few years ago, I read “Dare to Lead” by Brené Brown in an effort to be the best leader possible for my team and because Brené is just an amazing person. I love soaking up her work on vulnerability in any form. In “Dare to Lead”, Brown walks through a values exercise. I thought it was great, so I used it with my team as a way to connect on a human level beyond the day-to-day office grind.

Each person took the exercise seriously and we learned a lot about each other. The exercise helped each of us create clarity around what is truly vital in life. This is important work because values are the foundational beliefs that anchor our lives. They represent the things that matter most to us and are non-negotiable. To go through life without a good sense of your values is to have a rudderless existence.

Our values are our North Star by which we make decisions and build a life we enjoy living. It is very hard to live a life in alignment with our core values if we haven’t spent time to really discern what they are.?

To help us identify our values, Brown provided a list of around one hundred words that could be possible values. On the list were things like:

• Accountability
• Collaboration
• Loyalty
• Independence
• Humility
• Community
• Health
• Family
• Trust

You can find the full list of values at her site?HERE. The goal is to identify your top TWO values. Of course, so many words resonate. On the first pass you may find that 10-15 words seem right, and it feels impossible to narrow down to just two. As you study the words and really think about what they mean, you will find that some values are really subsets of others. Continue to consolidate the list until the top two really stand out. As Brown notes, it is important to narrow the list to your top two because like priorities, if everything is a priority then nothing is.?

You know you have found your top two when you feel a deep resonance of self-identification when you read them. Ask yourself:?

• Does this define me?
• Is this who I am when I’m at my best?
• Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

You may be tempted to think that you have a set of values at work and a set of values at home. Nope. Values are core to your being. They are in play 100% of the time regardless of where you are or what you are doing.

I found my values to be?authenticity?and?serenity. By placing these values at the heart of my decision making and discernment I am able to live in alignment - mind, body and spirit. At this point I can almost instantly tell when I’m out of alignment. I feel a flash of anger flare up. It is a good indicator that something is amiss.

Of all the words to choose from, why these two? So much goes into authenticity for me. To show up as my authentic self means that I’ve put in the work to figure out who I am. It means I’m showing up as my whole self which includes embracing my messy, creative weirdness that makes me, me. Authenticity requires honoring the divine light in myself and helps me see and honor it in other beings. My deepest connections are with those who also choose to show up authentically in life. It is a value I look for in leadership and in friendship.

Serenity is all about finding peace. For me, that’s about returning to nature. This is also where I find God. I feel completely at home and at peace when I take time to wander outside. As my wanders have grown more frequent and intentional, I have found that I see so many more animals, many of whom pause to make eye contact. The birds come very near and strangely birdsong seems louder. It is not, I am just more keenly aware.

As I walk familiar paths through the woods, I say hello to trees that have started to feel like old friends. I linger longer. I observe more. In this process life slows down and I’m able to once again feel a sense of belonging.

I am at a point in my life where I am making choices that honor my values vs. doing what society says I should do. I’m done “shoulding” on myself. In the last six months, I’ve slowly come out of living just in my head and now live as a whole person - mind, body and spirit. I have found the body has so much to tell us if we are willing to listen. Once we begin to get out of our head and really sink into our body, we open a greater connection to Spirit as well.

This, my friends, is all about deep listening. We all know what we need to do next if we understand how to listen to the wisdom that lives within us each and every day. Start that conversation with yourself by identifying you values. Then, start making decisions to honor those values. Stop “shoulding” on yourself. With each step toward your values, you will be on your path to the best version of YOU.

Be well and frolic on!

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