What is your Identity

In a day and age, where identity can be such a wide variety of self-perceived images, as well as how the rest of the world sees everybody else. There is little wonder why some people struggle with being able to identify themselves, especially with social acceptances of the modern era.

Todays newsletter focuses on identity more, from an action standpoint. What habits do we as individuals have, which provide us with the image of self?

Having just come back from a weekend in London, where many people express themselves in a number of different ways. It was not difficult to see why there can be such a struggle, for some of us to feel comfortable or connected to an identity. From the wide variety of outfits, hair styles, languages, accents, cars, and even on the train home, for which we all had the pleasure of sitting with Tottenham Hotspur and West Ham United fans. Football, or any team sport is always an interesting conversation to overhear. "We should have done this!" "We are this place in the table, due to beating them today!" "We are playing X at the weekend!" I myself support a team, yet to me, it is just this, a team. There is no we, as the last time I checked. They did not help me pay the mortgage, make sure I have food in the fridge, or ask what plans I might have for the summer. Yet to some, a large amount of people in fact. Their team is so much more than a group of individuals, simply going out every weekend and competing against another team, it is their identity.

What happens to the rest of the population, who do not support a team or follow a sport. How do they give themselves an identity? Think about it for a second, how do you identify yourself?

This has been something, which I have been struggling with for the last few years.

During my teen and early twenties, I would not have even given it a second thought. Working was a way for me to pay for my gym membership, as well as giving me enough money to go out at the weekend with all my friends. However, Christmas 2013, was the last time I would have an alcoholic drink. One miniature bottle of Champagne with my Christmas dinner and, this was me done. From this day forward, I no longer drank alcohol, I am not a drinker.

Two people are trying to quit smoking. One is offered a cigarette, saying, "No thank you, I am trying to give up." Followed by accepting the smoke, and thinking to themselves. "One more won't hurt."

The second person responds with, "No thank you, I do not smoke anymore." Does not accept it and, continues to no be a smoker. The difference between the two people, was how they saw themselves and what identity they felt to own. The first person said they trying to give up, so still felt like a smoker. Where as the second person, responded with they are not a smoker, (Atomic Habits, Clear, 2018, p. 32).

Oddly, this is where I started to struggle with my identity. Less and less of my "friends" were getting in touch, to see if I was coming out. However, due to less people I worked with, or friends from my twenties and late teens, deciding not to send the messages out. I started forming new habits and setting newer goals, of course the gym was still high up on the list. Yet with these habits came different questions for me, changing my prospective on who I was now becoming.

Setting up a business in 2014, becoming a Mentor in 2017 for Injured, Sick and Wondered Service Personnel, reading an incredible amount more and taking little nuggets of knowledge from books, which I would not have learnt beforehand. Going back to University, to help with the business and more importantly, prove to myself I have the ability to study at this level. Due to feeling as though academia was not part of my identity for the first 33 years of my life.

All of these new experiences, habits, potential identities. Realising, unlike the team you support, it is ok to change from one identity to another. In fact, I would say it is healthy and shows a journey of growth. If you are able to not become too fixated on one single identity, be more accepting of change. Just as has been the situation for a lot of us over the last couple of years, through enforced change and those wanting to explore new avenues. New identities for been formed.

How would you identify yourself? Do you feel you are stuck in an identity and, would like to change it, yet are not sure how? Potentially, you have ideas and just feel too nervous or scared to put them into action? Just as was mentioned in the first newsletter, do not wait for the perfect time to start, as in reality the best time to start is now. Somebody once taught me, "Tomorrow is the best day of the week, as it never comes!" Maybe you love the identity you have created? If so, please share any comments on how you have done this, which might help somebody else who reads the newsletter.

Wherever you are along this journey of life, being able to take ownership of your identity is something we should all be able to do. For if you do not own it yourself, then somebody else does and this simply should not be allowed. Just like me searching for a stronger sense of who I am, understanding this is something which can not be rushed and requires me to continually searching out. You too can begin either, changing or taking control of your identity, it is never too late.

Once again, thank you for reading this newsletter on Managing Daily Stress, with this one focusing on Identity. I hope you found it interesting, thought provoking and, if you have taken something away you. Do not forget to subscribe to this weekly newsletter, plus share it with your friends and contacts, so they might gain something for themselves. Please feel free to have a look through my profile, so you can see the variety of different identities I have had along my journey so far, as well as visiting our website at www.activelisteningforwellbeing.com, for more helpful tips to help with stress management and other services we provide. Look forward to writing next weeks newsletter and, speaking to you all then.