What are your difficult moments teaching you?

Whenever you have a perpetual conflict with someone or someone ‘pushes your buttons’ it’s a good indication that there’s INNER work to be done. Our conflicts with in-laws leading to friction with our partners is not something that we address with ease but most often resent. Some of us carry this resentment to the grave. As tempting as it is to blame our in-laws it won’t bring you anything but bitterness.?If you are someone who follows the scriptures, you will learn how you will carry this disposition into your next birth. But no one knows for sure so let's focus on this lifetime.

My moment of deep reflection was when a 60 year old woman was carrying her baggage about her 80 year old mother-in-law. If you know me well enough, you know I am going to meditate on it. I did this awareness work for 2 years. Very recently, a connection shared how she has been married for 30 years and she struggled to set boundaries. A meaningful question would be 'Do you want to be the woman who carries resentment? OR Do you want to speak your mind? If there is no resentment, great, take a bow.

NOW

I find it befitting to share this quote by Wayne Dyer?“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” I am now taking the liberty to share how I internalised this to navigate complexities in my life.

Why AM I sharing? Cause I do enjoy driving #conversationsforchange helping people prioritise their well-being because that sets the tone for every other relationship. Helping people live their version of success is my mission.

So here are my key takeaways while I navigated complexities?

1) Learn to love and approve of yourself. That way you aren’t dealing with emotional burn out-this happens when you are tired of performing into a certain persona-playing daughter-in-law, this can be the result of not honouring our innate needs. (If you thought burn-out only occurs because of work stress, you are highly mistaken)?

2) Cultivate a sense of compassion and acceptance. You can’t change people, change requires self-reflection and the willingness to learn. Instead focus on building your ‘portable paradise’ and being meditative helped me evolve?“By the practice of meditation, you will find that you are carrying within your heart a portable paradise.” Paramahansa Yogananda

What does that mean? No matter what the external weather is you are responsible for your internal weather.?

3) The premise for a healthy marriage is team-work, friendship, intimacy-a safe haven to share your vulnerabilities and challenges. If your partner is not open to receiving or rallying for causes that impact you as a couple, stand up for yourself. This can only happen if you are not in your ‘people pleasing mode.’

4) Set boundaries, communicate them too, which is means you must sharpen your skills at having crucial conversations.

In a moment of stress or conflict, ask yourself these questions

• I may be ‘right’ but is my response serving me?
• What is my objective here? What am I really trying to do?
• What action could I take that is most aligned with my values?

5) Find the wisdom in letting go, listening before speaking, breathing before responding and moving through the world with a genuine sense of curiosity instead of a point to prove. I can’t take credit for the above set of curated set of questions, I would certainly thank Susan David for them and for her work on ‘Emotional Agility; Isn’t this so true ‘You don’t get to having a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place without stress and discomfort.’

6) Remember your children learn by watching you. So sending out a message that you will bend backwards for a person who doesn’t even break a sweat, is going to cause imbalance in your life. Being a GIVER is important but if you are constantly engaging with a TAKER you want to factor how wisely you will conserve energy.?

7) This is my personal best ‘No one is getting out of here alive.’ We have some soul lessons to master in this lifetime, so the people you encounter as ‘being difficult’ are there to help you see the hidden messages, your opportunities for growth and learning.

8) Choose gratitude as your emotion and vibrate higher.? Choosing gratitude and holding onto resentment will bring your vibration down.

Let me set the record straight, all of this sounds simple but it is not easy. Before I moved into being meditative I did rely on self-saboting behaviours. They did offer quick wins but clearly not healthy approaches to coping with stress. Certainly not sustainable. Most often the band-aid approach. But today I see merit in working with my 'inner child' partnering with my healer for emotional healing. I am still working on myself.

Today I find it easier to treat myself with tenderness vs judging myself.?

Like I always indicated if this doesn’t align with you, please #doyou?

AND?

What are my difficult moments teaching me??DON’T STOP BELIEVING in your abilities to figure things out. There is force greater than you, ALLOW yourself to guided. ALLOW is the language of the Universe.?

I will now leave you to reflect on what are your difficult moments teaching you...