what are your defining moments?

Dear you,

Thank you so much to everyone who read, commented, shared and engaged with the last letter I wrote from the bottom of my heart. I write all letters from my heart, but that one was different; it was personal. This letter is a bit similar. It was born in a moment of realisation while I was in Bath (+ last week, I promised to share pictures from my vacay, so... brace yourself).

This trip to Bath, was one of the exciting things I did this vacay. During this trip, I insisted on visiting the Jane Austen Centre. It was not on our to-do list, but how everyone proudly bragged about her, even though she had only lived in Bath for five years, made me curious. Even while we visited real-life sets where Netflix had shot Bridgerton, we discovered that Netflix had just recently shot Persuasion (a film based on the book by Jane Austen) in the city, and the people just couldn't stop talking about it.

So, we went over to the centre and signed up to hear more about Jane Austen and be immersed in a bit of her life. The first part of this experience was what birthed the idea of this letter. As we sat there for 10 minutes, we listened to a man recant the life of Jane Austen and her family. He talked about her father, mother, brothers, sister, and Jane Austen. All under 10 minutes. He showed us pictures and letters. Do you know what question I kept asking myself?

These people lived for years, but he was able to summarise their lives and talk about them in under 10 minutes, and it was still interesting.

Why? How did he do that?

It was simple, really. He focused on the highlights of their lives and their defining moments. A defining moment is a point in your life when you're urged to make a pivotal decision, or when you experience something that fundamentally changes you. Not only do these moments define us, but they have a transformative effect on our perceptions and behaviors. For Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook, it was the death of her husband. For Steve Jobs, it was meeting Steve Woz. For Kanye, it was his accident. For Kim, it was the video that Ray Jay released. I think we all have multiple defining moments in our lives. Sitting there listening to this man talk about Jane Austen, I couldn't help but think about defining moments in my life.

I reflected on stories of great people, notorious people, and even Anna Delvey in the Netflix series Becoming Anna. Yearssss of living summarised and told in under two hours with focus on the key dots and moments that led her up to the present moment. It reminded me of my letter on essentialism. I realised that we would do many things in life but only very few will stand out and really matter. People will only describe us with those highlights. Our lives would be summed up into something that is a semblance of our CV. It will cut out the chaff and stick with only what matters. Those things that matter are the things that define us. They define how people will introduce us, tell tales about us, the eulogy people will give, the memories that will stick, and how we will be remembered.

It made me think: how would you remembered?

The good news is - if you don't like your current story, you can walk backwards by asking yourself - "How do I want to be remembered?". Every day, every hour, you are writing your story in the sands of time. Find time to constantly check-in, and ask yourself, "do I like this story?" If you do, keep it up. If you don't, you have the power to change it. This will also guide you as you wield your power of choice, knowing what to say yes or no to.

The second part to this awareness is realising that you don't have the luxury of procrastination. It could all be over in the twinkle of an eye. Do what is essential. Execute those ideas. Take that chance. Put yourself out there. Stop disqualifying yourself from opportunities. Acknowledge your fear and then face it! Stop looking for permission. Give yourself permission to be. This is your life, and you only have one. Stop looking at everyone else. Focus on yourself and (re)write your story.

You will not live forever, but you can make the life you live count, no matter how short.

If your life was summed up into a CV, is it one you would be proud of? Think deeply about this in every facet of your life (financial, social, professional, spiritual, etc.). If you don't like the answer, do something about it.

With love,

Blessing Abeng.

If this letter impacted you or if something stood out for you, share it with someone. You might also like this article on micro-moments (it's really short, read it).