What Are You Waiting For?

When I would talk about what I wanted in life my Philosopher Dad would always say, “What are you waiting for? All we ever have is today, so live it to the fullest and take whatever actions you need to take to get what you want.”

But, we westerners don’t seem to do that, do we?  Why is that?  I often think that it might be because of our social conditioning – the indoctrination that has us pursuing the “American dream.”  We’re told to go to school, get good grades, get a good job, get married, get a nice house, have kids, retire… and then we’ll apparently die knowing that we’ve lived a full and successful life.

We’ve also been programmed by the Calvinist work ethic of, “You are what you do and, if you’re not doing anything that is perceived to be acceptable, then you’re no good.”  That belief system and social construct has led to the unequal division of the haves and the have-nots, the rich and the poor, the deserving and the un-deserving, the worthy and the unworthy.

All jobs are necessary. Belittling one is nothing more than a form of class antagonism. People who anchor their self-worth on their existing socioeconomic condition make pliable subjects for the tenets of capitalism.

In his book, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, Irving Goffman posits that life is like theatre, and we tailor ourselves to fit the parts that we’re playing.  A similar philosophy was spoken by Shakespeare who said, “All the world is a stage and men and women merely players.”

From the time we are born (in the Western World, at least), we are conditioned to be consumers and programmed to “behave” according to our indoctrination – whether it’s our ancestry, our family dynamic, our religion, our friends, our schools, or the countless other elements that form our environment and create our belief system.

A great example of how powerful this programming is can be is heard in this nursery rhyme from the 19th Century:

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails and puppy-dogs' tails ~

That's what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and everything nice ~

That's what little girls are made of.

Just by virtue of our birth, we are destined to live our life as a male or a female and, as such, we are expected to take on the corresponding “roles” of that gender.  So, is it any wonder that there are little boys who are having a hard time “providing & performing” their maleness, and there are little girls who are having a hard time fitting into the rules that govern femininity.

We are creatures of our environment, and we can often be caged by it!  Boys are especially pressured to not do anything that could be considered a weakness.  What is masculinity, anyway? Does it conjure up the stereotypes of the last centuries when there was a pattern of violence, homophobia, and women’s devaluation? 

I recently heard an interview with British comic Robert Webb who said that he found the rules for being a boy a tight fit when he was around 7.  In grade school he learned the “sovereign importance of early homophobia and the paramount objective of despising girls.” The common belief was that “there’s only one thing worse than being a girl and that’s being a gay and only a gay plays with a girl.”  

To be indoctrinated by these kinds of messages during crucial formative years can create a closet bigotry that follows boys into adulthood.

In the year 2021, we’re still living in a society where the word gay is still used as a pejorative.

And then we are exposed to reality shows like The Apprentice which reinforce the stereotypes of the last century where men, especially, are expected to dominate, to have a vested interest in hierarchy, and are encouraged to wear their inflexibility like a virtue (so, it’s not surprising that a show like that has given us the likes of Donald Trump).

It doesn’t help that we are also inundated with messages from mainstream media that we’re never good enough until we buy something or take something to feel better.  

Our society is now spending more than a third of their lives in front of a screen, and it’s estimated that we’re being exposed to 3,000 advertising messages every day!  That’s more than our parents saw in their lifetime.

After spending 22 years in the broadcasting industry, that career helped me to realize that mainstream media have an agenda to perpetuate what I’ve come to call the FUD Factor – fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

I decided to pack up negative news for positive media in 2002, shortly after the illegal Iraq war when the agenda was to create a FUD Factor around terrorism and Muslims.

We’re now living in the aftermath of COVID-19, a virus/pandemic that spread very quickly.  By March of 2020, a State of Emergency was enforced in my Province of Ontario where people were quarantined and ordered to self-isolate.  Schools were closed.  Events were cancelled.  Mainstream media started calling it a “lockdown,” and military forces were ordered to “stand on guard.”

Within a year, the economy was decimated and people were crushed by unemployment, debt, and depression.  Suicide rates tripled.

My husband was working at one of the largest Corporations in the world at the time, based in Toronto (which was a place I considered to be the cesspool and epi-centre for the virus in Ontario).  I convinced him to take a leave of absence.  The evil empire where he worked was deemed to be an essential service, but he was spending his weekends in a small town with a large number of elderly people so we felt it was irresponsible for him to potentially expose himself to the virus all week and then travel to an area where there was a vulnerable population.

Imagine, candy and chocolate being considered an essential service during a pandemic?!  Their sales went through the roof, though, surpassing even the tens-of-millions in profits made during its normal boom-times of Halloween and Easter (and those are the profits made just in Canada).

We are now living with even more-powerful government and corporate entities – empires that are designed to keep people divided by poverty and wealth, and it’s a divide that keeps widening; it’s a division that keeps the unfortunate people even more subservient, compliant, unhappy, and addicted.

Famed researcher, Brene Brown, was recently quoted as saying, “We are now the most stressed, depressed, overweight, over-medicated population in history.”

The COVID-19 pandemic highlighted the fact that the real pandemic is and always has been addiction.  Governments ruled that beer and booze stores were essential during the pandemic so hospitals wouldn’t be overrun with people suffering with withdrawal from their addictions.

Society’s ugly under-belly was finally exposed, but mainstream media kept up the FUD factor (fear, uncertainty, and doubt) with the perpetual broadcasting of new cases and fatality numbers from the pandemic – all the while ignoring the increasing numbers of suicides and the growing number of people who were becoming unemployed, bankrupt, homeless and addicted.

I’ve been on a recovery journey from drugs and alcohol since 2009.  I facilitate weekly recovery meetings that attract a segment of the population that has been labelled by society as inferior and unworthy.  I was so ashamed of my affliction that I kept my addictions anonymous for many years.  It was only a few years ago, when I left a 12-step program for a more science-based approach, that my friends realized I was in recovery from addictions.  I lost count of how many of them actually said to me, “Are you sure you want to associate yourself with this?”

It was because of this expressed bias that I was encouraged to make “this” public, to shout it loudly and proudly: I AM RECOVERING FROM A DRUG AND ALCOHOL ADDICTION, AND I AM NOT MY ADDICTIONS!!!

In my small town in Huron County, a methadone clinic was recently opened amidst outcries of concern from the neighbouring residential area.  Societal concerns about addiction are created from the misinformation that is perpetuated from mainstream media.  But, I know – first hand – that people who are living with an addiction/mental health issue are primarily only a danger to themselves.  The minority of issues that arise around addiction are blown out of proportion by mainstream media to create the illusion and belief that all people with addictions are violent and destructive.

I use the analogy of a police officer who is exposed to less than one percent of society for 100 percent of their working life.  Their whole perception of society is based on their experience, but their experience – and accompanied bias -- is based on the minority of society.

Mainstream media messages represent the minority of society, but we’re inundated with the same sensational headlines and embellished facts over and over and over again until we start believing that the minority is the majority – hence, the FUD Factor (fear, uncertainty, and doubt).

My father’s message, all those years ago, is now floating heavily in my mind… “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!”

I know, from experience, what has worked for me in my own recovery and -- as luck would have it -- I just happen to have a house that’s located in the same block as the newly created “methadone clinic.”  I now have an opportunity to provide a positive example of addiction recovery to my neighbourhood and community.  So, WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?!

Since I packed up negative news for positive media in 2002, I’ve been actively encouraging people to be aware of the media they consume and to be conscious of consuming only media that supports their health and well-being.  I’ve been promoting my message with what I like to call a “Triple ‘A’ Formula.”  Who doesn’t love “a formula,” right?!  And, it’s a formula that’s been working for me very well over the years, so I’d like to share it with you.

1.   Awareness

2.   Avoidance

3.   Attention

When I became aware of the FUD Factor agenda, I could then make conscious choices to avoid media messages that were unhelpful.  I could then direct my attention to positive media that would be good for me – both mentally and physically.

So, I’m now aware that my diet is more than what I eat.  It’s also what I watch, what I read, what I listen to, and where and with whom I choose to spend my time.  I believe that we become the company we keep and the thoughts we absorb.  What we think about we bring about!

I now make a conscious effort to listen to music with positive lyrics, watch programs that are uplifting, and read things that are inspiring.  I also strive to keep my self-talk as positive as possible.  I practice talking to myself like I talk to my best friends… with encouraging, loving, supportive empathy.

You’ve likely heard this Cherokee Proverb before:

A wise tribal elder told a story to his grandson one evening by the fire.

"Inside me, there is a fight raging between two wolves.  One wolf is anger, bitterness, self-pity, jealousy, and sorrow. The other wolf is love, faith, hope, peace, forgiveness, and joy. Both wolves are strong, and they battle fiercely – not just in me, but in everyone, even you."

The young boy thought for a moment and then asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?"  The wise elder replied, "Whichever one you feed."

Which wolf are you feeding?

What are you watching, reading, and listening to?  Whose company are you keeping? Are they people who inspire and motivate you?  Are they a positive influence in your life?

Everybody’s truth is different.

The best definition I’ve ever heard for truth: A fundamental reality defined by a person’s perceived experience.

If your influences leave you feeling good, without any negative consequences, then you know that you are on the right track for you.  If your influences leave you feeling edgy or uncomfortable, then maybe it’s time to start considering what changes you need to make in your life, lifestyle, and/ or philosophies to help you start feeling better about yourself and your life.

Have you given any thought to your life plan?

I like to quote Jim Rohn (a successful author and motivational speaker who passed away in 2009) on this topic of life plans:

“If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan.  And, guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”

It’s time to design your life plan to reflect what YOU want!  When you start taking action toward achieving the life YOU deserve, you will start to feel motivated and inspired to live your life's purpose.

Have you defined your life's purpose? What do you want your life to represent? The challenge for all of us is to ask those tough questions and start answering them for ourselves.

? What do I want?

? What do I have to do to get what I want?

? Where can I start?

? Who can I ask?

? What motivates me to take positive action in my life?

? How will I take daily action to achieve what I want?

? What actions can I take to develop behaviours that better serve me?

Start answering these questions. I encourage you to start a journal and start writing your story/your plan.  You are the author of your life and you can edit the story whenever you want.

We can often be giants drowning in a foot of water. That foot of water is muddied with mainstream media messages that are feeding us poison on a daily basis to make us feel inferior… making us feel frozen in fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

Take back your days, and feed them with positive, uplifting, motivating, and inspiring stories, ideas, purposes, people, music, events, co-workers, friends, and neighbours!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

I recently celebrated my 60th birthday (I used to think 60 was old until I turned 59).  I’ve mellowed a bit over the years, but not much.  I have what has been described as a "strong personality," and I find myself challenged to reign in my anarchist ideologies (especially when I witness government’s continued tactics to impoverish workers).  I also find it sad to see kids getting saddled with a debt of tens-of-thousands-of dollars in the pursuit of “higher education” that only results in keeping them in debt and enslaved to employers that will likely exploit them at every opportunity. The main tenet of capitalism is profits over people.

I like to think that my optimism outweighs my pessimism.  I know I have a healthier outlook on the world than I’ve ever had before, and I feel better both mentally and physically when I continue to share my experience with people who are still struggling with life.

Even though I’ve been practicing these principles for many years, I’m still frozen by the FUD Factor.  I still have doubts about my ability to succeed in opening a recovery centre.  I have a dream that it could become a new model of recovery that will serve as a shining example to the world.

WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?!!!

My friend Ten (Doug Rose) sent me this from Kathmandu, Nepal on the morning of April 20, 2020 and he said it reminded him of me:

”She says she tries to stay happy regardless of how bad the world news is. He asks if she is insensitive to other people's pain. She answers, “Empathy doesn't have to include stupidity. No one else’s suffering is going to decrease because I also suffer. Whether it is someone else's misfortune or my own, being miserable about it is not going to help—and the only things that matter right now are the things that help. It seems more productive and helpful to sharpen my ability to have happiness come from inside, rather than having it being dependent upon the environment. If I accomplish that, and someone feels me radiating happiness and catches a little bit of it, that seems to make more sense than my catching someone else's fear or despair. Also, every person in the clutches of fear or despair provides a victory for the assholes that purposely manipulate our information and emotions in order to trigger crippling negativities and profit by them. I will not comply. They can't have me. I have me. The Universe has me. Most of the living things on Earth have all my devotion, time, money, effort, attention, concern, and love. My teachers have me. My beloved friends and family have me. The assholes cannot have me.” 

I love that I’ve left someone with that impression of me!

Here are a few websites to inspire positivity, and possibly even inspire positive action:

https://happify.com

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org

https://www.tut.com

https://www.sunnyskyz.com

https://www.positivelypositive.com

https://peplab.web.unc.edu

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu

Here are a few of my favourites in the music arena.  I have a playlist that I listen to (and dance to) daily:

You Get What You Give, New Radicals

Better Now, Collective Soul

All About That Bass, Meghan Trainor

Happy, Pharrell Williams

Two Hearts, Phil Collins

Brown Eyed Girl, Van Morrison

Into the Mystic, Van Morrison (pretty much anything by Van)

Lovely Day, Bill Withers

Wonderful World, Sam Cooke

Happy Together, The Turtles

Imagine, John Lennon (pretty much anything from The Beatles)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Tanya MacIntyre is the author of Mindful Wisdom from My Philosopher Dad, and a Certified Facilitator with SMART – Self Management and Recovery Training to abstain from any substance or activity addiction.

Through the week, Tanya drives a school bus, transporting special needs students to and from school.  On the weekends she travels to Ontario’s west coast where she works with her husband on their labour of love – a century-old triplex in need of lots of TLC.

When the school term ends in June of 2021, Tanya will embark on a new path with Red Roof Recovery, a 7-day intensive residential recovery program for professional women - based on the work of SMART, together with tools and techniques from TEAM CBT from Dr. David Burns.