What are you tolerating?

This is one of my favorite coaching questions. It’s the kind of question that makes you feel put on the spot (regardless of your answer).

I typically ask it when someone is feeling frustrated by what they perceive as external problems outside of their control.

Here are a few examples of when to ask yourself, "What am I tolerating?"

1. A person (employee, partner, etc.) is not meeting your expectations

Typically when someone tells me about a problem that someone else is causing, that person is unaware of the situation. Is the person you're thinking of aware that you're irritated?

In most cases, people will put on a professional, agreeable face when interacting with a person and then they stress out about the problem behind closed doors.

But as much as this person is not meeting your expectations, it could be that you're allowing them to happen by not communicating your needs or expectations.

If you fear the thought of becoming a micromanager...ask yourself if you're even managing at all! You can find a grey zone between not managing and micromanaging.

One place to start in striking a balance is simply by becoming aware of the other person's strengths and allowing them to be autonomous when it comes to those elements and then do a little more hand-holding for the areas they need to improve.

2. You have an overwhelming amount of work

When it comes to the question of "What am I tolerating?" the conversation usually moves to setting boundaries.

Maybe you feel you're always interrupted by others.

Maybe you have overfilled your plate with work because it's difficult to say no (or to ask to extend a deadline).

Maybe you feel obligated to help others at work that it distracts you from focusing on your own.

Your ability to tolerate a lot on your plate is so strong that you've created an uncomfortable situation for yourself.

3. You've fallen off the bandwagon (again)

"Falling off the bandwagon" could relate to any kind of recurring problem that pops up, or constantly falling short of a goal.

You're tolerating the fact that something outside your control has impacted your goal, but at the same time, you're not looking for an alternative solution to help yourself in times of uncertainty.

What are you tolerating???

It’s one of those questions that reminds you that you’re in the driver's seat, even if you think something is out of the scope of your control.?

The things that are stressing you out have reached a magnitude because on some level, you've allowed it.

Challenges ebb and flow, but I like to think that we have the ability to mitigate the degree of stress we allow into our lives.

And like a flick of a light switch, this question can work wonders.

If you’ve identified some things you’re tolerating and aren’t sure what to do next, let me know - I can help you take it one step further through coaching!