What You Should Never Compromise On While Building Your Career

Part of Kathy Caprino's series "Living and Working Better"

As a career and leadership coach for mid- to high-level professionals, and in my former work as a therapist, I’ve come into contact with thousands of people who've shared their serious questions, concerns, mistakes, and difficult crossroads they are struggling to navigate.?And in observing the long arc of many careers, I’ve noticed that the worst missteps we make – the ones that make us feel deep pain, sorrow and remorse – are mistakes that reflect what people have compromised or turned their backs on in order to become what they thought was “successful.”?

These compromises don’t feel like “choices” at the time, but in truth, they are, and they lead to common and serious crises and challenges that can have a disastrous impact for the individual and their families.

Below are the top five things you should never compromise on while building your career (because most likely you'll regret it deeply and it will end badly for you):

1.??Your standards of integrity

Two definitions of "integrity" that I find helpful are:

The quality of being honest and fair and the state of being complete or whole.

I view “standards of integrity” as core principles and values that guide our behavior and our communication, and shape our interactions with others and our own internal compass of what feels right and wrong, just or unjust.?Behaving with integrity is a choice, and while it is influenced by a myriad of factors (your upbringing, peer influences, socialization, etc.), it is something we can always choose if we are committed to mustering the bravery and strength to be whole with ourselves and others and act in alignment with what we value.

People who have strong and well-defined standards of integrity behave with wholeness, integration, and honesty, and they aim to treat others and themselves fairly and justly.?Some of the standards of integrity I've seen people demonstrate involve values and virtues such as candor, kindness, trust, wisdom, loyalty, transparency, objectivity, acceptance, openness, empathy, and graciousness.

When we fail to act with integrity, there are usually some rather serious consequences. I’ve seen so many people in midlife awaken as if from a long stupor to realize that they’ve compromised their most core values and their own standards of integrity in order to get ahead in their work or keep jobs they hate.?It hurts them to find that they’ve walked away from who they are at their core, and from what they value and cherish most.

People mistakenly believe that in these tough times they have to give up on their values and integrity to stay employed, but that’s simply not true.?Those who are guided by a strong sense of integrity tend to fare much better in professional life and will be successful on terms that are meaningful to them, where others will fail.

2.??Your self-respect

I’ve personally lived through the heartache of compromising my self-respect to stay in a job. Years ago when I was a corporate marketing professional, I knew that how I was behaving (because I felt pressured to), was beneath me.?I wasn’t the leader or manager I longed to be, and I felt ashamed because I couldn’t manage the toxicity, stress and overwhelm I felt in my job or in the organization.?I tried to speak up about what I saw around me that wasn’t right, but I got crushed down.?In the end, I completely lost my self-respect and felt that I was “prostituting” myself somehow in order to keep my job and maintain my high salary.?I knew literally during the first month that that job and company were wrong for me.?What should I have done??Find a new job, fast. But I failed to take action, and I stayed, and it ended badly.

3.??Your soul for money

Money – and our relationship with it – is a topic that’s spawned millions of books, articles and workshops.?Many people struggle to maintain a healthy balance and productive dynamic with their money, and most of us fail.?I’ve seen countless professionals sacrifice their souls for money – not because they are struggling to pay the bills, but because they’ve become enslaved by a certain lifestyle or a need to impress others in order to feel good about themselves.?

These folks have forgotten that they’ve come here at this time on this planet to do more than pay the bills, acquire things, and keep up with the Joneses.?I’m not saying that fulfilling your financial obligations isn’t important – it is.?I am saying that you are much more than your paycheck or bank account. You are not your money, and your self-esteem and true self-worth are not something that can be measured by the degree of monetary wealth you possess.

You know if you’ve sacrificed your soul for money because it's a painful, debilitating state that you can’t pretend your way out of.

Over the years, I've heard people say, "Kathy, you don't understand the situation I'm in. I have to stay in this horrible, abusive job because I'm financially responsible for my family and it's the only job I can get."?

Not knowing their unique situations, I can't say for sure, but what I've seen countless times with clients I've worked with is that they're not nearly as "stuck" or out of options as they believe they are. You absolutely do not have to work in ways you despise and in a manner that makes you sick (with people who treat you terribly) in order to do what's necessary for yourself and your family.

4.?Your health and well-being

In my corporate trainings, I've seen hundreds of high-level professional women who are brilliant, accomplished and talented, yet they chronically feel depleted, depressed and devalued. ?

In the pursuit of a great career, they’ve compromised their health and well-being.?Much of this has to do with the ever-complicated issue of?work-life balance?(particularly challenging right now during the pandemic) and how to stay competitive and ahead of the curve.?

But to me, it’s much more.?Sacrificing your health and well-being demonstrates a lack of prioritizing yourself as important, failing to understand that you need to care for yourself – and yes,?put yourself first – before you can be of true service to anyone else, your organization, your family or your employer.?If your body is failing, diseased or broken down from the way you work, rapid change is needed.

During the last four years of my corporate life, I was chronically ill with a recurring and serious infection of the trachea. Every three months or so, I'd become so ill for about a week that I'd lose my voice entirely and feel too weak and sick to engage in daily life or work. I learned later on that my body was desperately trying to send me a message.

Throughout my training and time as a marriage and family therapist, I saw that

our bodies say what our lips cannot.

Your body will often reveal signs of wear and tear, exhaustion, burnout, overwhelm, stress and emotional disorder, long before you consciously recognize that you can't go on like this one more day without something breaking.

5.??Your legacy

Finally, the most regretful and unhappy people I know have sacrificed their legacy in the process of building their careers.?

What is your legacy? It’s what you will be able to say about yourself when you’re 90 looking back – what you’ve stood for, given, taught, imparted, and left behind. It's the mark you've left on the world, and how you'll be remembered. Not what you dreamed of being, but what you have been.?

It’s also the impact you’ve made on on others, including your colleagues, friends, family, and your community.?This life is not a dress rehearsal; it's the real thing. So many professionals forget that they have this one precious chance to build a life that’s meaningful and joyful for them.?Instead, they compromise their legacy in a constant effort to grasp “success,” accolades, security, or power.

As Bronnie Ware, the deeply inspiring bestselling author of The Top 5 Regrets of The Dying, shared with me in our Finding Brave podcast,

“If we dare to create some space to honor the things that light us up, even if they’re not at all linked with our professional life, they will lift our happiness, our confidence, our presence and our joy. To a point that we bring more efficiency to our work, we also will bring more clarity to our life.”

– Bronnie Ware

Here's more from Bronnie on how to avoid the top regrets of the dying and lead a happier, more fulfilling life:

In the end, if you think you have to compromise on any of the above in order to stay gainfully employed or build a successful career, I hope you’ll think again.?I’ve lived the repercussions of these errors in thinking (and also witnessed the resulting pain in countless others) around the beliefs that we have to give up so very much in order to build a successful professional life.

When you're giving up on yourself, and compromising so much, the result will never bring you the life and career you are longing for most.

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To build a happier and more fulfilling career, visit?KathyCaprino.com, and join her this Winter in her 16-week online course?The Amazing Career Project.

To expand your experience of bravery, confidence and passion in your work, and reach your most exciting goals, take Kathy's 8-module video training course?The Most Powerful You,?the companion course to her latest book?The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss.?