What Are You Saying to Yourself?!?

Have you ever caught yourself saying things to yourself that you would never say to someone else? Maybe it’s a passing thought like, “I’m not good enough.” Or maybe it’s something you tell yourself so often that it starts to feel like the truth: “I don’t belong here. I’m not smart enough. I’m not qualified.”

But here’s what I’ve learned: your words have power.

What you tell yourself, repeatedly, becomes the reality you start to live in. And if you’re not careful, the words of others—their insecurities, their doubts, their projections—can start to shape how you see yourself.

I know this because I’ve lived it. I am STILL living it!

When Their Words Become Your Narrative

I’ve been in spaces where the things said about me started to feel like a script I was unknowingly reciting in my own mind. Even when I knew the truth—when I knew my skills, my worth, and my purpose—I found myself shrinking under the weight of someone else’s perception of me.

It happens subtly.

You hear the comments, the whispers, the dismissive tones. Maybe it’s the way people underestimate you, how they exclude you from conversations, or how they make assumptions about your abilities. And after a while, you start to wonder—am I actually what they say I am?

I’ve had to learn through experience that self-talk is one of the most important tools for survival. Because there will always be people who try to define you. People who want to put their insecurities onto you, who can’t see your light because they’ve never done the work to uncover their own.

And sometimes, it shows up in the worst places—the workplace.

When Their Insecurities Show Up at Work

The sad reality is that many people walk around carrying unhealed wounds, and their pain doesn’t just sit quietly—it spills over. I’ve worked in environments where people’s own negative self-talk didn’t just stay in their minds; it dictated how they treated others.

• They saw confidence as arrogance.
• They saw boundaries as defiance.
• They saw ambition as a threat.
• Your Calling is mistaken for competition.

And instead of doing the work to heal and grow, they tried to tear others down to their level. I have seen people weaponize their insecurities—making it their mission to make others feel small, just because they felt small.

I’ve experienced this. I’ve been in spaces where I worked hard, showed up, and gave my best, only to have people try to diminish my contributions, dim my light, and challenge my presence.

And for a long time, I struggled with it.

Looking for External Validation Can Destroy Your Self-Talk

Another hard lesson I’ve learned is that sometimes, looking to external sources—your friends, your family, your colleagues—for validation can be the worst thing you do for your self-talk.

Because here’s the truth: some of the people you expect to show up for you, won’t. Not because they don’t care, but because:

• They don’t recognize your need for encouragement.
• They haven’t developed the capacity to affirm others.
• They are struggling with their own doubts and fears.
• And sadly, sometimes, they don’t have the desire.

There are people who will publicly criticize you but privately support you. They will watch your journey, be inspired by your strength, and even learn from your example—but they won’t tell you. They won’t affirm you. They won’t give you the validation you may be searching for.

And if you allow their silence, their absence, or their inconsistency to dictate how you see yourself, your self-talk will suffer.

That’s why it’s so important to build a healthy self-talk regimen and connect with licensed therapists, social workers, and when appropriate, certified coaches—people who are trained and equipped to help you navigate your thoughts and emotions in a productive way. Because if you’re relying on people who haven’t even figured out how to speak life over themselves, how can they be your source for self-affirmation?

Be careful who you let define you. If they can’t even define themselves, they have no business shaping your self-perception.

The Power of Self-Talk

Your inner dialogue has the ability to build you up or break you down. It determines whether you step boldly into opportunities or shrink away in fear. When you tell yourself, “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never figure this out,” or “I always mess things up,” your brain listens—and it believes you.

Imagine speaking to a close friend the way you sometimes speak to yourself. Would you tell them they’re unworthy? That they should quit now because they’re bound to fail? Of course not.

Then why do we allow these words to live rent-free in our own minds?

The Breaking Point: A Promise to Myself

The other day, I was driving home from a meeting, and something hit me. I felt like I was reliving som

e of the same moments from my past—spaces where I had once questioned my worth because of someone else’s inability to see it. And in that moment, I told myself:

"Shawnté, you promised yourself that you would never shrink again."

I refuse to dim my light because of someone else’s insecurities. I refuse to take on someone else’s baggage as my own. I refuse to let their fears, doubts, and limitations become mine.

So instead, I pray for alignment. I pray that God puts me in spaces where my gifts are welcomed, where my work is valued, and where I can operate in purpose without constantly having to prove my worth to those who refuse to see it.

Rewriting the Narrative

Here’s the truth: You are powerful. You are worthy. You are evolving. And you deserve to speak to yourself in a way that reflects that truth.

? Instead of “I’m not where I should be,” say “I am on my path, and every step is progress.” ? Instead of “I always make mistakes,” say “I learn and grow from every experience.” ? Instead of “I don’t have what it takes,” say “I have everything I need to take the next step.”

Words carry energy. What you say to yourself repeatedly is what you will come to believe and manifest. Be intentional about the story you tell yourself.

If you’re in a space where you’ve started to internalize negativity, let me tell you: you can rewrite the script.

My self-talk has changed, and here’s what I now remind myself every day:

?? I am amazing. ?? I am gifted. ?? I am talented. ?? The work I’ve done and the work I am doing is only the beginning. ?? As scripture says, “Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard” the plans that God has for me.

And for the people who keep trying to dim my light? Good luck. Because I know exactly who I am and I know exactly what I am capable of.

Your Turn: What Are YOU Saying to Yourself?

Take a moment. Really ask yourself:

• What words do I repeat in my mind every day?
• Do my words build me up or break me down?
• Am I letting someone else’s opinions shape my self-image?

And if your self-talk isn’t affirming, change it. Speak life over yourself. ? You are powerful. ? You are worthy. ? You are becoming everything you were created to be.

So don’t just listen to the noise around you—listen to YOU.

TIPS: How to Cultivate Positive Self-Talk

? Observe, but don’t absorb. When negative thoughts arise, acknowledge them, but don’t claim them as truth.

? Speak to yourself with kindness. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

? Replace limiting beliefs with affirmations. Start your day by affirming: “I am enough. I am capable. I am becoming the person I was meant to be.”

? Surround yourself with uplifting voices. Choose to engage in conversations, books, and environments that reinforce your growth.

? Trust the process. Growth, healing, and success won’t happen overnight. But every kind word you give yourself is a step in the right direction.

Final Thoughts: Speak Over Yourself

As one of my favorite songs says:

"Speak over yourself. Encourage yourself."

You are an amazing, powerful, and wonderfully created human being. Your current circumstances and situations do not determine your end. See yourself not just for where you are, but for where you’re going.

It may feel impossible. It may feel like the rug has been pulled from under you. But there’s so much more ahead.

? Need support? Let’s talk. I’m here for coaching and consulting. ???? Need prayer? Let me know—I’m praying for you.

We’re in this together. Speak life. Walk boldly. Keep going.

With love, Dr. E Using Words to Heal and Inspire

#MindsetMatters #SpeakLife #EncourageYourself #SelfGrowth #Resilience #Faith #Healing #Coaching #Consulting #DrESpeaks