What are you really saying? How asking ALEC and listening, not hearing, are essential when supporting men and their mental health.

Welcome to the latest edition of 'Thank God It's Monday!', the newsletter designed to get you moving from awareness to action on all things mental fitness & wellbeing.

?Let's talk about men & mental health.

The rhetoric is solid but samey. Men need to open up more. Men need to move away from the gender stereotype that they have to be strong, keep going, 'crack on', and hold it together.??

But if we know this, why does #mensmentalhealth continue to be under-represented??

November marks an essential awareness for men's mental health. Now synonymous with a moustache, our 'Mo Bros' are showing support for men's health in body and mind, acknowledging that when it comes to mental health, it's essential to open up.?

The situation we're in globally is shocking. Across the world, it's reported that one man dies every minute. That's 480 men per average working day.?

How many of them could be your friends, colleagues or community member?

The statistics point to real people, not just numbers, and the responsibility sits with us if we want to create meaningful and sustainable change.?

The impact happens not only in opening the conversation but in actually having the conversation over and over again.??

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Emotions & feelings are what make us human.

Every one of us, gender aside, handle our emotions and feelings differently. It's why there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to supporting workplace wellbeing. Feeling overwhelmed and worried can profoundly impact our state of mind and how we think about ourselves. How capable we are of doing our job and bouncing back when life throws a curve ball, and let's be honest, we've had plenty of them in recent years.

It's also essential to create a context where people feel safe to do so. Men have emotions just like women. Each gender has feelings and emotions that can be difficult to handle. This is called being human. There is no gender divide in mental health.

My social feeds have been filled with pictures of guys with impressive hair growth and stories of impressive challenges and incredible fundraising, and it's clear there is a concerted effort to encourage others to talk more.?But, more than money and a moustache, we need to take action.?

We need to invest our time in learning how to talk to someone struggling and how to identify that they are struggling in the first place.

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Say what?

Are you really listening?

Edgar Dale says we only remember between 25% and 50% of what we hear. He theorises on a Cone of Experience in a book entitled "Audio-Visual Methods in Teaching". He suggests that we retain more information when doing rather than observing, listening or seeing, and the more we receive information in different mediums, the better our retention.

This means that in the catch-up you had with your friend this weekend, you likely only heard 15 minutes out of that 30-minute conversation.

Hearing is something that happens. Listening is quite different.

Listening is an active process in which you consciously listen to and understand what the speaker is saying.?

Could you ask yourself this and answer honestly? Are you guilty of jumping in early on a conversation with an "oh, that happened to me too!" or interjecting with a comment, opinion or solution??

Showing someone you are engaged and listening whilst giving them the space to talk without interruption is critical to developing interpersonal relationships.?

Ensuring you don't judge is essential, and remaining neutral is the key. This will mean periods of uncomfortable (for many of us) silence. But silence is golden, as it's through the process of talking that people assimilate their thoughts and process their feelings. So creating space for people to speak without interruption is cathartic and a core part of active listening.

#activelistening is synonymous with being present. It means not checking your watch, looking at your phone or writing a quick text. All the more so if you're in a conversation with someone struggling, as just being there can be a massive deal for them. Don't let them down at the first hurdle by being easily distracted and making the conversation about you.

Active listening comes with practice, and if you're struggling, a great tip to keep you focused on the conversation is to mentally repeat word for word what is being said in real-time.?

Could you give it a try next time you're in conversation? It's more complicated than it sounds, but well worth the effort.

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Reach out with ALEC

The Movember website?is a page you should bookmark and have easy access to throughout the year. It's packed full of helpful information, and in particular, it has significant resources to support men's mental health.??

Perhaps you're worried about a friend who has withdrawn from interactions and social activities. Or you sense that a colleague is struggling to juggle family and work or is going through something significant at home that is causing them pain.

There are some fantastic?conversation starters here?to help you feel confident about conversing with someone you're worried about. You can't go wrong if you tie this in with the above around listening and being present.

Movember use the?ALEC model?developed by R U OK? It's one of the best I've seen.

Here's how it works:

A=ASK

Ask how he's feeling. It's worth mentioning any changes you've picked up on. Maybe he's spending more time at the bar, has gone quiet in the group chat, or isn't attending social events. Whatever it is, he's just not himself.

Prompt, "You haven't seemed yourself lately – are you feeling OK?"

Trust your instinct & don't be afraid to ask twice.

You can use something specific you've noticed, like, "It's just that you haven't been replying to my texts, and that's not like you."

?

L=LISTEN

Give him your full attention. Let him know you're hearing what he's saying and that you're not judging. You don't have to diagnose problems or offer solutions, but asking questions lets him know you're listening.

Ask, "That can't be easy – how long have you felt this way?"

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E=ENCOURAGE ACTION

Help him focus on simple things that might improve how he feels. Is he getting enough sleep? Is he exercising and eating well? Maybe something has helped him in the past – it's worth asking.

Suggest that he share how he's feeling with others he trusts. This will make things easier for both of you. And if he's low for more than two weeks, suggest that he chat with his doctor.

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C=CHECK IN

Suggest you catch up soon – in person if you can. If you can't manage a meet-up, make time for a call, or drop him a message. This helps to show that you care; plus, you'll get a feel for whether he's feeling any better.

Join us this Thursday from 12 - 1 pm on LinkedIn LIVE.

I'll be joined by three of our fantastic fifty50 male coaches who will share their insights and experiences as we have a frank and open conversation around men's mental health.

We'll discuss the importance of opening up and the value of a professional sportsman background to create positive mental health. We'll share experiences with chronic ill health, PTSD, neurodiversity, being an outsider, identifying as gay, as well as navigating the continued stigmas and stereotypes that surround working fathers.

Lots to get our teeth into! Please join us for an educational and uplifting session where we'll provide you with actionable takeaways to build into your every day.

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