What are you doing?

So intrusive! But seriously, what are you doing? Right now? 

Are you present? Are you cognisant of what’s happening in your life, not only in the day to day detail but also the bigger picture? What are you striving and working 60-hour weeks for, with little recognition? Hating yourself, your life and your co-workers in the process? Tolerating toxic, ignorant, or bullying workplace cultures for? Why do you sacrifice and compromise your inner-Self at every turn, ignoring the nudges of your Soul to do something more fulfilling? More in line with who you truly are? Something heartfelt? Capitulating to oppressive demands be they from a spouse, boss, superior, or family member, in your life never saved anyone… Sacrificing yourself for what? For peace? To keep the apple cart, oh so very stable? Whilst inside you long ago the wheels came off? How often do we take a moment (or not) to check in with ourselves and to ask ‘what am I doing’? where am I heading? And the all too crucial question, ‘WHO AM I NOW?’ 

The phenomena of ‘deadness’ in our society is something I’ve written about before but more so than ever you can see it in the dazed, glazed eyes of commuter zombies. Given the rather exciting nature of times we’re living in, it does seem we are in desperate need for more and more people to wake up! Consciousness Rising!! As an acquaintance so eloquently sums it up; “Most people, even though they don’t know it, are asleep. They’re born asleep, they live asleep, they marry in their sleep, they breed children in their sleep, they die in their sleep without ever waking up. Waking up is unpleasant, you know. You are nice and comfortable in bed. It is irritating to be woken up. That’s the reason the wise guide or spiritual master, will not attempt to wake people up. My business is to do my thing, to dance my dance. If you profit from it fine; if you don’t, too bad!”.  

So, I implore you today, can we all come out of the collective coma now, please?? Your life is a product and consequence of your decisions and choices. How you’re living whether happy, or desperate, is also an outcome of the will and strength you’ve mustered to endure. Your relationship with God, or not, is likewise a product of your choices. Some of my recent discussions on Faith have caused me to share where I have witnessed some really, extraordinarily flaky attempts at reconciling relationships with the higher order, (higher power, universe, source, whatever you wish to call it). Tokenistic visits to Church, Mosque, or Temple, once a month. The odd dip into the Bible, professing wisdom and infinite knowledge. Oh those Moses commandments are only meant for me on Sundays. I’ll say this. You cannot FLAKE, or Instagram, or popularise your way to God. God doesn’t care about what other people think about you and whether or not you are liked. Having a shallow, fake, vicarious relationship with GOD is never going to keep your wheels on luv!  

Having a deep, profound, committed connection, where you daily surrender and express gratitude will. Constant surrendering of your own control over to the power greater than your-Self is the way! Revelling in your own narcissistic paradigm, of self-indulgent justification, for the appalling decisions, and treatment you’ve inflicted on others is also not the path to God. I recently had a divorced Dad of 3, tell me that had his wife gone for the money in their separation, he was going to leave the country. ‘Run away, be free, escape the shame and humiliation of change in a way of living, the possibility of poverty, and superficial status deterioration’. So important was money for this man, that it was ultimately more significant to him, than his own offspring. He was incapable of putting his kids ahead of his own pain. Unable to see a way out of HIS own self-entitled wounding, to fathom that he also has responsibilities and duties as a primary parent to his children. This episode without wanting to spiral off into the egoic-nature of toxic-masculinity today, is a typical, yes typical example, of how addicted we can get to our own stories, our own victimhood, and our own obsessive sense of entitlement.   

So how should someone move forward if deeply hurt and betrayed? Isn’t the gentleman in question allowed to experience wounding? Yes, of course. Is he permitted to rant and rave, and wallow in his own misery, for a short while? Yes (emphasis on short while). Should he drag this wounding with him throughout his life, still going on about it decades later, and destroying everyone, or anything good in his life with his own victimisation? Absolutely not. There comes a point where we must draw the line. Every chapter in every story has an ending. Whether happy, sad, tragic, or joyous. You must decide what yours is going to be and how each chapter is going to end. As we work through the wonder, and beauty, and grace that is Lent, let us try and find ways to forgive and move on... Let us try to rise above petty tittle tattle, and titillation, futile gossip, and nay-saying. Let us now leave the horrors of the past behind us and move forward into a more Soul-filled future.  

As many divorcees will tell you, quite often the energetic (spiritual) divorce takes years after than the actual legal separation. So again, I ask what are you doing? How is your story going to end? Will you keep dragging it around for everyone and everything in your path to commiserate, and pity you for? Whilst your Soul hangs onto a cliff edge? Or will you let it finish? And start again today, moving forward more positively, with Grace and Gratitude? Thankful for what was, and eternally optimistic about what’s ahead? Your Choice. Lets us pray for ancestral healing, and the healing of all self-indulgence and narcissism out there. Let us sit in our own truths, honouring God, not compromising ourselves for anyone. Let us ask for God’s infinite patience, love and forgiveness. His greater compassion. And a kind, united world, full of harmony and self-awareness.  

Sarah Vaughan, March 2019?