What are YOU doing about it??

This was a question that left me stunned, speechless and shaken on the past weekend.

When it comes to the courage for being color brave, I never thought I needed it until a recent thought provoking, passionate, somewhat uncomfortable and reflective discussion with my teenagers. The boiling point of the discussion was my argument that I don't look at color of my friends, my colleagues. I just look at them as people, friends, family who are much needed part of my ecosystem and have always assumed that others do the same. But, in that discussion I came to realization that recent events have definitely shattered that lens/prism of my assumptions. My assumption that everyone understands that sunlight reflected through the lens of compassion and humanity splits into beautiful colors. Assumption that everyone knows that spectrum originates from the the ray of sunlight that rejuvenates all of us the same way.

In that moment of realization, I was totally heart broken but had to admit because they are right. If everyone understood it, why we would be in the state we are in? The same night, I tried to hold my breath for 8 minutes with my eyes closed. I just...... couldn't do it. This was when I was intentionally trying to do it. Just with a few seconds into it, wiping off my face, I could feel my heart ready to explode the question out to the world why would someone do something like this to anyone? Before this unacceptable incident, whenever I heard of my friends being saddened by COVID-19 impact, I would console them by visualizing that perhaps this year Fall is coming before Summer but when the wrong colors filled the sky recently, it felt like my world had never had a Spring season. As if it's going through a long harsh Autumn. I felt like I am Johnsy in The Last Leaf by O. Henry. It was gut wrenching because that story plots during a pneumonia pandemic.

And, even the hair on my skin were reacting, when I started picturing the young generation as Behrman, the old artist who paints the last leaf, giving hope and survivor's belief to ailing Johnsy. It feels that young kids are building the hope by painting that last leaf because just like in the story, no one has told them to paint it. They have seen us in pain many times and they feel it. They just know they need to jump in and do something about it because if they don't, this Johnsy and many others might lose hope for good.

I am optimistic again for life because leaders of tomorrow are driven about signing petitions, creating awareness and exercising their vote as their individual responsibility. They can't be sidelined anymore. When you see a 7 years old girl raging with demand for justice and peace, you dare not ignore her because she is a force, like the force of nature with many others like her who are not asking you of a change. if we can't, they will bring it themselves.

But this optimism warranted a question by the force at my home, "what are you doing about it"? I was standing there, almost shaking like a last leaf against the wind of change, feeling that question piercing through my core, and leaving me breathless. I had to quickly reassemble myself and I did but I knew my whole self wasn't there anymore. A part of me was very uncomfortable and was trying to hide with its emotions. Why surface your feelings when you can live without exposing it, right? Isn't that we do everyday? Try to swallow it down with time yet feel the discomfort in the back of our throats or even that after-taste that doesn't wash away for days. But I had to gather myself because deep down somewhere, I know I can't take that discomfort anymore. It chokes me time to time and "I can't breathe".

I assured my kids that I am not pitching my tent against this wind. In fact, I want to be the wind beneath their wings. I want to be a Snow Geese that takes turn in long migrating journey. I will be there to build flyways with them and will bring others with me. After all, this journey is not only North to South. It will have to be around the world.

As for me, despite my repeated assurance that I'm very mindful of inclusiveness and respect each & every day, I was still asked of a promise to be even more diligent and vigilant about it. I had to also give my word that I will not only practice inclusive and respectful actions everyday but will encourage others to do the same.

So here I am, hopeful that our young generation will eventually build somewhat like a masterpiece by Behrman, that will save not just me, but all of us. And, no one needs to ask them. They will just do it out of sheer compassion, drive and moral responsibility that drives them, charges them. And, as for me, I was and will be always invested in it wholeheartedly. If you ever catch me not walking the talk, remind me, make me aware so I can calibrate myself. Despite my genuine commitment, that question still stares at me. Hope you see it in-front of you as well, loud & clear. "What are YOU doing about it?"

#whatareudoingaboutit? #Myresponbility, #Theleafofhope, #thewindofchange, #icantbreathe, #timeforchange, #Ifeelit, #firewithin