Knowing What Makes a Good Life is Only Half the Battle

She handed me the mic. As I cradled it in my hands, I was surprised by its weight and how it acted like a mini defibrillator, making my heart lunge.

What was I going to say? A moment ago my thoughts were neatly arranged like my husband’s underwear that I had recently began rolling into bundles and placing in rows—solid colours on the top, patterns on the bottom—but now my thoughts were tossed. 40 percent of our happiness is hereditary, she said. I wonder if the serenity I feel when I put underwear in order is embedded in my genes.

Calm down, I said to myself, knowing this was the wrong mental instruction. Your mind is lying to you a lot of the time, she said. Happiness takes work and effort.

Reaching for a toehold on a slippery cliff of anxiety that could easily drop into panic, I remembered how much I admire her, how grateful I am to see this woman in person, a woman who taught the most popular course at Yale, The Psychology of the Good Life. There’s a mental health crisis among students, and much of it could be remedied if only they would get enough sleep! Dr. Laurie Santos is building a wellness movement, a movement that I have joined.

For those of you who can't read the slide thanks to my shaky photographic skills, it says 40.1% of college students report being so depressed "It's difficult to function." (College Health Assessment 2017)

It’s my turn to ask a question. As I rise to my feet and speak into the mic, my words find their order. I thank Laurie Santos for her terrific Happiness Lab podcast, and recall the story she shared of the man who invented the ATM whose wife never used it because it deprived her of human contact with bank tellers. We need to make time for social connections. 

Giving praise makes me feel so comfortable that I even turn to the audience behind me so that they feel included in my comments. For a moment I feel a warm attachment to my mic, and an urge to perform “I Say a Little Prayer,” but I recognize this as mind wandering, where most people spend half their time, mostly unhappily.

I return to the present moment and ask my question: what effect has the good life course had on students?

A great question, she said. I feel happy.

Later my husband, somehow untouched by the order of his drawers, but like a spousal anthropologist keenly observant of my behaviour said, “You showed Laurie Santos gratitude (actually he called her Tori Amos, but no matter)—you did what she told us to do.”

And that dear reader was the most important lesson of the evening: you can know what to do to be happier—to connect with others, to get enough sleep, to move your body, to make time for reflection, to express gratitude—but you must put that knowledge into action.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a gratitude letter to write!