What is it you do, exactly?

'What is it you do, exactly?'

It's bad enough being asked that at a conference or in the pub, but when your own mum has to ask....

I've spent the last five years figuring out how to answer that question. I’m still not sure I know the answer, or that I'll ever have a fully easy one.

But this month is a significant step on my journey to carve out a second career for myself from the age of 50; not so much a midlife crisis as midlife crossroads.

It started in summer 2018, leaving the BBC, stepping out to purposefully explore, with a clean slate and a curious mind, then plunging headlong into a climate crisis ‘rebellion’, and then not long after a Covid lockdown.

It feels like I packed in more variety and different experiences in those last five years, than the previous 20 - which says something about how narrow one’s field of vision can be inside a large corporation.

Many of the things I tried did not stick - such as teaching English as a foreign language - as I knew they could not.

Many of the things I tried early on were about expressing myself - blogging, storytelling, improvisation..

A way to help figure myself out - as it had been a good 20 years since I last looked.? (Or as Charles Bukowski put it, ‘Could I remember who I was before the world told me who I should be?’)

And for me there was an extra question - 'Could I remember who I was without alcohol?'

Having quit in 2013 - leaving full-time work five years later, meant this was the first period of truly raw introspection in my adult life.?

So what’s happened since?

Well I certainly have not made much money, let’s get that out the way -? as that is often the next question.?

‘Are you getting paid for that?’ I’ve been asked bluntly, many a-time.

Often the answer was no, something that has sometimes made me feel ashamed.?

Much of what I have done has been as a volunteer or because I wanted to do it to learn, to give myself the experience of developing new skills, and there was no budget. Or because it was community activism/organising.

A minority has been paid.

And that’s been possible to do because I’ve been lucky enough to have a very supportive partner in full-time work, plus a small baseline independent income, as well as very low overheads due to no dependencies and frugal tastes.

But little by little, something is emerging. A package of things I do, that make up me. A niche I fill.

An active travel specialist. A communicator, a doer, a - an all-rounder in the field.?

I’ve got better at putting a price on my time. Although I still seem to be one of those conundrums that people really value once they know me, but would never have known they needed me beforehand or what to call it!

But now that’s less of an issue as my network has grown and people get to know me and what I can offer, without having to package it up into a sales pitch (or a fixed thing).

Not that I’m any good at that (put it this way - I don’t think there is any danger of me appearing in ‘The State of Linked In’).

I try to go by these things

• What do I find interesting/ arouses my curiosity?
• What do I find easy?(probably contrary to the rules of Linked In!!)
• What do others value from me
• Who do I want to work with

This month is significant for me as this week I am speaking at the main Active Travel Conference in England, Cycle County, Active County.

Sponsored by Active Travel England and the Department of Transport, about 800 delegates will descend on Oxford for two days of summiting and sessions, networking and discussion.

I’m not on the bill because I work for a big organisation - I’m on the bill as me, on my own merits.

I’m hosting the Active Travel Cafe online forum I help run weekly, and I’m also presenting insights and learnings from community engagement in Manchester.

I’ve called the talk, Lessons from the Front Line - which thinking about it is quite apt for how I’ve gone about things over the last five years.?

At the BBC everything was big - big audiences, big events, big scale. But it was also easy to lose yourself in that.?

At a small scale, everything is down to you - and perhaps the greatest insights are found in miniature too.

You sure as hell learn fast - especially what you can and can’t do.

I remember listening to Tim Henman on why he chose tennis over football - because ultimately he liked the accountability that being a solo tennis player brought with it. I’ve enjoyed that too.

I certainly know my limitations more - when time is your only asset you get much better at planning it out.

Initially I was ridiculously over optimistic in how much I could personally get done in the hours I had.?

But gradually you figure it out - trying out different techniques and finding ones that work for you (e.g. I swear by monthly goal setting and review and ‘page a day’ journaling).?

If ‘Know thyself’ is the ultimate goal, as Socrates wisely said; maybe you never truly can unless you have worked for yourself?

Though it’s true, some things are lost this way.?

Lower status ? Fewer impressive anecdotes? Less of a calling card.?

But I have an interesting work life; and perhaps now one that is finally coming together into something that makes sense to others, not just me.

Last weekend I looked back at my journal from summer 2018, and found a brainstormed dump of 26 goals I was going to achieve in my first year after taking redundancy. Knowing what I now know about my time, I don’t think I could have achieved them in 20 years, never mind one!

But I was amazed - given that I felt I had no clue where I would end up - to see three goals that spoke so truly to the path I feel I am on now.

So I will end this post with these and perhaps they will help answer that question - ‘what is it you do again?’

• Become a specialist in sustainable transport policy in the North West and Greater Manchester
• Gain insight into different communities and perspectives in Manchester through various grassroots and other projects?
• Help grow the climate change movement locally?

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