What if you decided "I've suffered enough"? Examining how we justify avoiding rest

Hi community,

Growing up under systems of unrest, most of us?did NOT see rest modeled in our families.

Instead, we might've learned to work really hard, endure discomfort and difficulty, pursue "respectable" jobs, prioritize financial?security above all, and operate at a high (read: unrealistic and unsustainable) standard.

Without blaming or shaming them – we can recognize that those who raised us?did the best they could navigating conditions?in which survival had to be the #1 priority – we can acknowledge the?long-term effects it has on us as adults:

• Feeling extremely guilty when we get sick, injured, or otherwise can't show up the way we want to
• Having a judgmental, cruel, and dehumanizing inner critic that incessantly?criticizes our thoughts, emotions, and choices?
• Feeling constant pressure to be "good" and?maintain a very high standard of performance
• Mistakes or failures feel existentially threatening, generating tons of fear or anxiety that then motivates us to do more and do better
• Never actually feeling secure or safe because there's always more that we could do, acquire, or achieve
• Idealizing self-sacrifice, self-abandonment, and self-exploitation
• Denying ourselves fulfillment, joy, pleasure, and rest until we feel we've "earned"?it (and somehow?the bar is constantly moving)
• A?lack of reciprocity or intimacy in our relationships?because we give so much but struggle to let others in or with receiving?

It's not a surprise to me that as a result, most of us do NOT feel like we've suffered enough to warrant rest. When we look around, there's?always someone else whose suffering is greater than ours, so we conclude that THEY deserve to rest.?

But when it comes to us??"I can keep going." "It's not that bad." "I've endured worse before."

So I want to ask you a?question: At what point will you decide that you have suffered enough?

Have you defined what "suffering enough" is??

Do you have a list of conditions that identify where the line is??

Do you have a threshold in mind that, once crossed, will prove that you, too, deserve to rest??

Or is "enough" when your body breaks down so badly you literally cannot ignore the burnout or maintain the performance?anymore?

How Belinda's vision of rest changed everything

“As a former competitive athlete and daughter of immigrants, I learned to overlook my personal needs in the spirit of hard work and success. It was easy to justify working 14 hour days and even feel undeserving of rest.

At the time I started RORS, I was extremely burnt out and navigating a life transition. I initially joined the program to think about rest in the context of work. However through the program, I came to understand my experiences in relation to systems of unrest that make us push ourselves past our limits. Rest became a liberatory practice for me, for me to reconnect with my true self and needs.

RORS gave me the community, language, and tools to start to give myself grace, release internalized judgment, and accept myself in all of my existence. It gave me the safe space to articulate and move towards the life I long for — one of gentleness, curiosity, and frolicking in the sun.”

?? Read more testimonials ??

In conversations with my clients and community, I've found that most people?have NO IDEA?what?"enough" is because they're not used to operating within their limits.?

They've lost body language fluency from years of overriding their nervous systems?to?grind and?hustle. So?when their bodies scream for them to stop, they no longer value that communication as important information to take in. It lands as an annoying notification to snooze, so they can focus on the more important thing, which sadly is rarely themselves.

Pair that with a bias towards believing they have more capacity than they actually do and people-pleasing tendencies... and what you have is someone who waits for life to bring down negative consequences before they admit that they cannot ignore rest any longer.

If your body is screaming, "Enough is enough!", I want to let you know that you don't have to figure this out alone.?

In fact, your first assignment might just be to stop trying to do everything alone.?Truthfully, when our bodyminds are extremely burned out, we don't have many resources to spare because we're so depleted.

If you've suffered enough, I invite you to tap into these rest-affirming community and practices:

• Join an upcoming Community Rest Session :?September dates will be announced soon!?
• Join Collective Rest on Patreon to access exclusive audio-only? guided rest practices that you can practice at home
• Watch my free rest masterclass ?to learn foundational Collective Rest?frameworks and tools to make rest?a tangible and?practical part of your life
• Catch the replay of my 2-hour workshop REST IN CRISIS & CHANGE

Now enrolling for Fall 2024!

Program Dates:?Sept 21st - Jan 25th

I created Rewriting Our Rest Stories to provide busy and burned out API women + femmes the rest-affirming culture, structure, curriculum, practices/tools, accountability, and values-aligned community to transition from normalizing boom-and-bust cycles to feeling safer slowing down, living from your empowered authentic self, and making decisions rooted in your capacity, needs, and desires.

This program helps you do the deep inner work to transform your relationship to your body, your relationships, work, and life and we get this done WITH ZERO HOMEWORK. No intellectualizing or theorizing about rest here; we practice, practice, and practice with each other, building the most rest-affirming community along the way that can hold us well beyond the program.

You'll learn frameworks to (un)learn hustle culture, develop somatic skills?to feel safe enough to slow down, and be part of a values-aligned community of practice that meets weekly.?

You can also?schedule a free 30-min Connection Call with me to chat 1:1 about where you're at, what you need, and how RORS can support your goals.

?? Learn more about RORS ??

Your Restie Bestie,

Cassandra Lam /?Lam Thùy Dung

Founder of Collective Rest