What Yoga and Meditation Taught Me About Work and My Ego

I just returned from a full two weeks off, traveling with my husband, brother, and some friends in France and Spain. Half of the vacation was spent at a yoga retreat co-led by my brother. Yoga and meditation have been a constant in my life since I was a teenager, and they have helped to illuminate insights about the professional life that came later. When I have had time away to fully rest and recharge, my perspective is so clear, but this clarity is quickly, easily, and often lost in the hustle of work-related expectations (both external and self-imposed) when I return. This time, I thought it would be valuable to share the key things I took away for the benefit of others and to inspire accountability in myself.

First, here is an obligatory disclaimer that my job is the very thing that affords me the privilege to get to take these kinds of amazing trips and experience the moments that make life worth savoring. I know that I am fortunate to be able to live in this way, and I know that my privilege is not a result of hard work alone, but of social, institutional, and familial privilege. This does not escape me! It is vital that leaders across the corporate and political spheres enact policy and structure that allow for equitable access to relaxation, adventure, and life-affirming time off.

So, here is what I see clearly:

1. Stress does not equal effort. I know this sounds simple, but it's hard to underscore the amount of times I fall prey to the belief that stressing out about something will lead to greater productivity and, therefore, better results. In fact, something I've realized in recent years is that walking and sleeping are the most effective ways to solve problems. Anxious rumination is my default when I feel the pressure of multiple competing priorities and deadlines, but it is not only less effective, it can diminish my ability to be kind to others in high-tension situations. You don't need me to tell you a four-day workweek has been proven, on the whole, to actually result in higher levels of productivity - many smarter people have already done so. So why do we continue to doubt this?
2. Family does indeed come first. I am ashamed to admit how often I get stuck working on a proposal or obsessing about the never-ending to-do list before or after my "working hours" (it's time to reclaim 9-5!) such that I am not mentally present for my inner circle. Checking email and IMs in bed as soon as I wake up and before I fall asleep can easily become a habit that not only sets my nervous system aflame, but also kicks off a cycle where I sleep and exercise less and make poor choices when it comes to what I put in my body. When I deprioritize my own needs to put work first, I have only scraps to give to those I love. Work should never come at the expense of those closest to us. Why else do we ultimately work than to be afforded the wonderful moments with them?
3. You can't be in acceleration mode all the time. Occasional long hours may be the standard in certain corporate occupations, especially in the tech and consulting industries I've worked in. The key is to take that time back for yourself and your family. Some individuals seem to handle a regular 50-60 hour work week comfortably. The fact is that I am not one of those people. In the weeks where this volume becomes necessary for whatever reason, I have to balance it with weeks where I take more time for myself, lest my mental and physical health (and relationships) suffer. The fear-stricken, guilty voice in my head that tells me I can't take the time owed to me back is nothing but a saboteur.
4. Over-optimization will ultimately diminish our happiness. Of course, I'd be out of a job if I didn't believe that certain types of optimization were beneficial. However, we've conflated waste reduction with filling up our calendars to the point of explosion. I cannot multitask effectively, and attempts to do so make me less thoughtful both with problem-solving and interpersonal communication. I hate to say no, love to feel needed at work, assume I can't take the time I need to fill my own cup because I'm afraid of being seen as a laggard. Organizations need leaders to visibly model what it looks like to take care of themselves and their families so that all others feel permission to do so.
5. It's not the job - it's you. This is the new one for me, the one my family and friends have been telling me about for years but that I just didn't "get" until recently. At almost every job I've had, I've complained about my workload, the stress, about the corporate doublespeak that tells you to "show up authentically" and "take care of yourself first." Rather than blaming myself for not putting up stronger boundaries, I have taken a victim stance that says the world (the team) will not go on without me, and that if I just got a less demanding job, I'd finally be "happy." In reality, it doesn't matter what the job is, my ego will continue to tell me I can't hold the line because I'll be seen as lazy or weak. It's up to me to flip the script, no matter the job or the company.

Bottom line - take care of yourself so that you can prioritize the things that matter in and out of the office. Take the time you need to remember who you are not as an employee but as a human. Perhaps dropping a few things off the to-do list will give you back the time to reach out to a friend who needs you or to pursue a passion you just don't seem to have time for anymore. In the end, these are the things that matter.