What Would Sam Johns Do?

It’s taken me a long time to find the right words to write this.

On Saturday I attended a Memorial Service for Samuel Johns - my former Headmaster & friend Timothy Johns ' brilliant son in St.Marks Church in London. A true polymath in the widest sense of the word.

Samuel Johns, 34, a beloved son, brother, uncle and friend, passed away on April 19th 2024, in Bletchingley, Surrey. Born on January 7th 1990, in Redhill Surrey, Samuel's life was a testament to living life to the full.

I remember Sam as a young cheeky boy growing up at The Hawthorn’s where I taught & his Dad was Headmaster. That can’t have been easy but Sam went on to do extraordinary things with kindness, generosity of spirit and huge energy to make the world a better place.

His brilliant mind enabled him to achieve the top first in his year in Geography at Oxford, while simultaneously excelling across a number of different fields whether sport, music or just having fun!

In 2017, he set up PSD Plastics, a subsidiary to the Partnership for Sustainable Development (PSD) Nepal. Through recycling and upcycling of mountain PET plastic waste, he established an economic model for regeneration in the Langtang Valley, North of Kathmandu, a valley devastated by the April 2015 earthquake and avalanche. This work continues, with the model to be rolled out in 6 other National Parks.

More recently in 2022, he had started a PhD with the Brussels School of Governance (BSoG) on “Human personhood in the age of automation: a study of modern identity formation in the Linkster Generation (Gen Z)”. He was completing surveys and interviews with 100s of young people on their interactions with technology as part of his research.?

I didn’t have the good fortune to know Sam as he grew into a man but there were just absolutely no words I could find to comfort his Mum & Dad at the service having taken his own life tragically at the age of 34.

Evelyne said, ‘For a brief moment we were a family. And then it was gone.’

Every year, 1 in 4 of us will experience a mental health problem.?But too many of us aren’t getting the help we need.

Hollywood hardman Vinnie Jones has recently lead the campaign developed by Wonderhood Studios that sees him deliver a rousing team talk to Chelsea men’s stars about the importance of talking about their mental health.

The content draws inspiration from a motivational team talk and urges football fans of all ages to start conversations around wellbeing within their social and support networks.

Sam wasn’t into football but according to research seeing well known people talk about their mental health would help them do it too.

We need to make sure boys and young men grow up able to express their fears, anxieties & feel that they can talk about their depression.

Today, there is a clear gender gap between boys and girls in terms of who is more likely to reach out for mental health support. Teen girls are three times more likely to report depression symptoms than their male peers, according to Pew Research Center.

Compare that to the fact that one third of boys report they feel society expects them to “hide or suppress their feelings when they feel sad or scared.”

When you're living with a mental health problem, or supporting someone who is, having access to the right information is vital.

It can be extremely worrying when someone you care about is going through a difficult time.

This link from the charity ‘Mind’ is for friends and family who would like support for someone who is experiencing a mental health problem.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/

Do you want to be there for someone, but feel unsure what to say?

Mind also offer a free online course to help you support others

Their free ‘Conversations in the Community ’ course can help. You’ll build confidence in how to have conversations about mental health and wellbeing, to be there for others in your community.? ?

There are still no words of comfort I can find but Tim asked everyone to pick up a wrist band to commit in some small way to continue the spirit of Samuel his multi talented, caring & kind son that had ‘What Would Sam Johns Do?’ written on it to make each and every one of us ponder what we can do to make the world a little better.

My small contribution is to raise awareness of men’s mental health & to encourage parents to talk and listen, to their boys in particular, from a young age.

Parents can take several proactive steps to support the long-term mental health of their young boys.

Here are some things parents may like to consider:

Encourage Open Communication: Foster an environment where boys feel safe to express their emotions and thoughts without fear of judgment. This helps them develop emotional intelligence and healthy communication skills.

Promote Physical Activity: Regular physical exercise is crucial for mental health. Encourage activities like sports, outdoor play, or family hikes to help reduce stress and improve mood.

Model Healthy Relationships: Demonstrate positive relationship behaviours such as respect, empathy, and conflict resolution. Boys learn a lot from observing their parents' interactions.

Limit Screen Time: Encourage balanced screen use and ensure that boys have plenty of opportunities for face-to-face social interactions, creative play, and other non-digital activities.

Teach Coping Skills: Help boys develop effective coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and challenges. Techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, and problem-solving can be valuable tools throughout their lives.

It's crucial to avoid using phrases that dismiss boys' emotions, such as "be a big boy, don't cry."

Instead, it's more helpful for parents, including dads, to adopt the following approaches:

Acknowledge Emotions: Validate their feelings by acknowledging them. Saying things like "I can see you're upset" helps boys understand that their emotions are normal and acceptable.

Encourage Expression: Create a safe space for boys to talk about their feelings. Ask open-ended questions like "How did that make you feel?" to encourage them to express themselves.

Provide Vocabulary for Emotions: Help boys articulate their feelings by teaching them the language to describe their emotions. Use emotion words in conversations to expand their emotional vocabulary.

Model Emotional Expression: Show boys that it's okay to express emotions by sharing your own feelings in an age-appropriate manner. This demonstrates that everyone experiences emotions and that talking about them is healthy.

Offer Comfort and Support: When boys are emotional, provide comfort and reassurance. Let them know it's okay to feel and express their emotions, and offer support to help them navigate through their feelings.

While we cannot change the past, we have the power to make a significant difference in someone else's future. By validating and nurturing boys' emotional health today, we equip them with the resilience and well-being they need for a brighter tomorrow.

Let' s start today by asking ourselves:

'What would Sam Johns do?'

https://www.online-tribute.com/SamuelJohns