What Would I learn?
Most of us, if not all have heard the term elevator speech. An elevator speech is a business tool used to present yourself within a 30 second window. About the time it takes you to ride the elevator, you give a quick synopsis of who you are, and what you do. This is a great way to make an introduction and power through all of those networking events. But what happens when we are afforded more than 30 seconds to build a connection? It got me thinking.
Years ago, I can recall sitting in a business lunch and talking with a table full of professionals. Over the course of the meal, I started to notice a pattern of leaving these events and not really knowing much about the people I had spent the afternoon with. What's worst, I wondered if they really got to know me? So I started talking about more meaningful subjects. Subjects that inspired me, had me curious or just plain wanted to know more about. It really didn't matter to me what type of event I was at. It didn't matter if it was personal or professional. I just knew that I wanted a more meaningful connect with whomever I was chatting with.
Fast forward to today. I now use this experience as a tool to get to know yourself. As I do a lot of work with people who are starting to question themselves, and wonder who they are. We start by using this very basic exercise. The premise is "What would I learn" about you over a cup of coffee in 30 minutes? In other words, if we're just meeting for the first time, what would I walk away from our conversation knowing about you?
I have been using exercise of well over a decade now. And it is really interesting how people view themselves. I started this process by asking people what they learned {if anything} from me? A few things kept coming back to me. And over the course of the years, it now goes without saying. What I have learned about myself is that these 3 things stood out. That-
1. I was passionately in love with my wife.
2. That I was easy to talk to and appeared to be extremely laid back.
And
3. Mentioned it or not, almost all knew I was involved in the helping profession in some capacity.
What I learned was a really powerful affirmation. I indeed have an amazing relationship with my wife. And the years of mediation and 20 years working as a crisis counselor, had conditioned me to respond to life rather than react. And finally, almost everyone that I asked, assumed that I was a therapist or something of the sort. I honestly was kind of proud that these traits came across as my identifiers.
In the spirit of personal development and self evaluation, I started asking my clients to do this. I asked them to start asking their family and close friends what the "take away" would be? I then asked them to expand the circle and ask co-workers and friends of friends. Some clients did not want to do that, because they were not ready to hear what they would be told. And to me, that is a good indication that they already knew that there may be some things that they were not ready to work on.
Ask yourself this question. If we sat down for a cup of coffee, meal or struck up a casual conversation in the airport waiting for our flight, what would I learn? Despite what you told me. Would it resonate with you? Would it ring true to me? Would you be guarded? Are you guarded? Or, do you view life as an adventure? Does the thought of talking about yourself make you uncomfortable? If you do talk about yourself, what do you like to talk about? Family, business or what you're simply doing in the moment? What are your identifiers?
The point of this exercise is to discover who you really are. For me, it makes no difference what environment I am in. Given 30-60 minutes, you'll probably recognize 2 if not all 3 of my identifiers. Not because I am pushing it down your throat. But, because that is exactly who I am. And there is no getting around that.
So you want to really learn who you are? Ask me over a cup of coffee.