What Executive Women Give Up To "Have It All"

A SURVEY OF EXECUTIVE WOMEN UNCOVERS SIMILAR STORIES AND SACRIFICES

This September, Noteworthy launched a new and upgraded edition of our core coaching program, Impact & Influence.

In developing the curriculum, I wanted to meet the unique needs of the powerful, accomplished women executives and leaders in high-impact industries the program is designed for.

The women I interviewed were in leadership roles ranging from Chief Security Officer to VP of Global Operations, serving industries spanning from medical to manufacturing and earning $195K to $1 million per year; these are their stories

As “Head of People” for a major corporation, one of the Noteworthy executives I interviewed is the only woman on an otherwise entirely male leadership team. She worked hard to get the power, pay, and recognition she deserves—and she’s made some major sacrifices along the way.?

To get to where she is now, this HR executive had to give up, as she put it, “the rest of my life.”?

“I’ve felt the need to prove myself and show I was really dedicated,” she says, to the point where “I was literally processing payroll while in labor.”?

Her story takes “labor pains” to a whole new level, but the underlying message rings true for many women in executive roles who sacrifice some of life’s biggest moments to reach—and sustain—career achievements and company impact.

Over the course of these interviews,? five categories of sacrifice clearly surfaced. They represent both what women have given up—and what they no longer are willing to—as they rise in influence, impact, and leadership.

(Companies, take note: The following categories are an opportunity to provide insight into what propels sustainable performance for your entire leadership team. More than “work-life balance,” what women in leadership desire and deserve is the freedom to choose what inspires, fulfills, and rejuvenates them.)

Quality family time.

Caregiver guilt reigns supreme among women executives.?

For many women, caregiver guilt is about not showing up as the mothers they want to be. Even after she gave birth, the HR executive I spoke with said she continued to struggle with balance as she raised her child. “There’s a lot of my daughter’s early years that I missed out on, even though I had the best intentions.”

So many women mentioned sacrificing time spent with their kids as they grew up. While devoting a lot of time to proving what she could do professionally, one woman ended up missing an entire sports season for her kids. It might seem small but years later, this still bothers her.

For others, caregiver guilt centers around being there for aging parents, spouses, friends, and even pets. One executive, whose career took her from Australia to Singapore to CAI to Florida, regretted time spent away from family, particularly her aging parents. “I used to be working almost 100 hours a week—in my last job I was the highest biller—but I didn’t have time with my parents. And I’m very close to my parents.”

To access senior leadership roles women need to spend long - and often later - hours in at work. As one executive put it, it’s not that men are excluded from these requirements but the? “men were married to stay-at-home moms”? who could meet the needs of the family and show up for their children. Women in leadership still feel compelled to stay despite often not having a stay-at-home partner because “the after-hours conversations are where you start understanding the politics and building your advocates.” Participation in these conversations is essential to establishing yourself as part of the leaders’ club.

“My job has become all-consuming...”

Romance and invested relationships.?

For many of the women we spoke with, any extra time would always go to the kids—often to the detriment of romantic relationships. One woman, in her third marriage, recognizes her romantic struggles as fallout from working in a man’s world, saying, “It’s unfortunate that there is a different mindset for women’s roles and men’s roles when it comes to family and money.”

Another executive shared that because her family moved so much for her job, she and her husband invested a lot of time in making sure the children were adapting, but “we didn’t make the same investment in our relationship.” Now, even though she’s been married 12 years, she finds herself missing a deep relationship and a real support network in her life.

Friendship and personal networks.?

Many women we spoke with said they gave up deep and close friendships for success at work.?

?Whether it was moving around too often to develop friendships or not being as intentional in planning a personal life as in planning a professional life, lack of a social life came up often. One woman executive made a conscious decision when her kids were young to focus on work and family over social life. “Now, on the verge of an empty nest, I don’t have a network of besties,” she says. “If I had to go on a girls’ weekend, I wouldn’t know who to invite.”?

Another woman lamented the difficulty of finding true peers as a corporate leader. “I don’t have close friends who are where I am in life,” she says. “If you’re the most successful person in your circle, you need a new circle.”

How significant of a sacrifice is this? Actually, this was the confession that brought many of these women to tears; the sense of isolation and loss was that profound.

"I’ve forgotten to take time out to do the things that make me happy...

Health.?

In order to meet all the demands of their jobs and their responsibilities outside of work, women default to putting themselves last. For many, this means giving up all the habits that contribute to better health.

One leader admitted she hasn’t been able to keep a doctor’s appointment in the last year because of the intensity of her role as a VP. “I’m actually at an inflection point, but it’s going to take something drastic.” For many women in executive roles, a critical health event is often what triggers the change—not a critical assessment of health management.

Indeed, many of the women we spoke with acknowledged they had not made health a priority, especially when they were first starting out in the business world. “I’m refocusing on my health in my 40s, but I couldn’t in my 20s,” said one executive, who admitted she sacrificed her health when it would have prevented her from jumping into a $1.5 million role. “It was not healthy. I’m tired.”?

Success is sweet, but hard to enjoy and truly leverage if you’re sick, tired, or exhausted.

"I’ve forgotten how to be me. It’s very confronting when I think about the loss of who I am as an individual."

Self.

While many sacrifices are obvious, this category lurked beneath the surface. Self-sacrifice is all-encompassing: self-esteem, self-care, inner peace, or what one woman called “the ability to relax.” Often it’s only after everything else has been checked off the to-do list do women in high-impact roles focus on self-care, finding balance, replenishing, and addressing their own needs. And even when they know it’s important, knowing how is a learned skill.

“As much as I am satisfied with my career, I don’t think I know how to take care of myself when I’m going through a tough time, whether it’s mood or post-surgery.” Others describe it as a lack of happiness and joy. “My job has become all-consuming. I’ve forgotten to take time out to do the things that make me happy. I’ve forgotten how to be me. It’s very confronting when I think about the loss of who I am as an individual.”

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To be clear, it was well understood by the women we interviewed that sacrifices are expected no matter what life or career path is chosen. The question isn’t even whether these sacrifices are worth it—but, rather, if these sacrifices are necessary in the first place.

As we move into a new frontier of leadership, both companies and their leaders are re-evaluating what it takes to achieve sustainable success, impact, and influence on a larger scale—and it’s clear that this high level of performance and achievement requires a different approach.

Click here to get our copy of the full 26-page white paper --> because as a woman in leadership, you deserve a career that’s both wildly successful and deeply fulfilling, and we’ve created a program to give you just that!

Real success doesn't come at the cost of everything else in your life.

I know you can be both wildly successful and deeply satisfied. Every leader, every executive, and every powerful woman we work with knows this too (because she and I are living it).

Our programs are designed to help women in leadership strike the balance between being unapologetically ambitious and guilt-free when it comes to setting boundaries and living well.

If you want to find out what that looks like for you, you can apply for a strategy call HERE . I'll review your application, and if we are a good fit, we'll schedule an hour-long strategy call to go over what being both wildly successful and deeply satisfied looks like for you.