What Women Can Teach Each Other About Imposter Syndrome

If there’s one thing I know about women braving all forms of leadership in their careers, we will all have a brush with the voice of the Imposter in our heads. This month we take a deep dive into this extremely common phenomenon, to demystify what’s going on and discover tools and strategies to make the Imposter our ally in success. ~ Dana Theus

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LET THE IMPOSTER GUIDE YOU OUT OF THE SELF-TALK MAZE

I wish this wasn’t true: practically every new coaching prospect I talk to admits that the Imposter Syndrome needles away at her self-confidence.

While I find it sad that after decades of women’s empowerment so many of us still find the Imposter’s confidence-sucking voice in our heads, I am at least grateful that women have an accessible name for their experience.

However, I’ve begun to think that one of the reasons I hear it more from women recently is that the fact the Imposter is so publicly discussed these days. Perhaps it's because even men are discussing the Imposter??

Are Men Co-opting Our Experience?

As you’ll read in the Power Takes below, research is finding that men experience the imposter’s insidious self-talk, too. After noodling on whether I felt this was just men trying to horn in on our thing, I decided I was glad that?the Imposter is becoming so well known by all.

If nothing else, it demonstrates that the Imposter is a function of the human psyche generally, and that women are not just more “broken” than men when it comes to confidence.?

Can Men Offer Us a Way Out?

In my conversations with men who confess to encountering the Imposter, and as the research indicates also, women and men often experience the imposter’s mental and emotional toxins differently. And I think this provides us some clues about how to deal with it.

In short, many men tend to experience the Imposter as a temporary, situation-based state, as opposed to a lifelong pattern or character trait as some women do.?

In many prospect and client calls, once a woman dealing with the Imposter understands that her feelings of being a fraud and fake are heavily related to circumstance, rather than her core identity, she can experience meaningful relief from the helplessness she confessed at the start of our conversation. There is usually more work to be done, but this realization–that your Imposter feelings have as much to do with your context as your Self–is a great start. These situation-based encounters with the Imposter are very common, especially when you've had a recent promotion and are feeling over your head.

Taking Ownership of Your Self-Talk

I believe that the Imposter Syndrome is one of the more challenging self-talk demons that fall under the broader category of the?Inner Critic. The Inner Critic can be a true nemesis, locking you into a never-ending maze of criticism and belittlement.?

But the truth is that we all have many inner voices, and they’re not all critical. We also have an?Inner Champion?capable of busting a hole in the wall of the self-talk maze. And we have an?Inner Editor?to help decide when the Critic is taking us somewhere useful, or when it’s time to call in the Champion’s wrecking ball.?

Most of these voices, including the Imposter's, are channeling stories you heard when you were younger, when your Editor was underdeveloped. So learning to engage your Inner Triumvirate of the Critic, Champion and Editor in constructive problem-solving is a sign of maturity–and?leadership.

?The best leaders are self-aware. And the most self-aware among us learn the skill of engaging our inner voices productively rather than allowing them to run away with our thoughts and feelings. This makes managing the Imposter a true leadership skill.?

[For an excellent tool to stimulate your inner dialog check out my book review of Brené Brown’s new book,?The Atlas of the Heart, below.]

I still believe that when we?befriend the Imposter, she can begin guiding us out of the endless loops of self-talk that often leave us helpless. But I don’t think she can get us all the way to confidence. To escape the self-talk maze and overcome the debilitating voice of the Imposter, we need to engage all our inner voices and task them with working together to find the exit.

[WOMEN'S MASTERMIND] Calling Out the Imposter - Round Robin Format. Join us to share your worries, tips and questions about the Imposter Syndrome and how it affects your life and career. June 15, 2022@ 12-1pm eastern

POWER TAKES?

Imposter Syndrome: A Normal Part of Your Career Journey?

Seventy five percent of female executives say they’ve experienced Imposter Syndrome at some point in their careers. This?KPMG study?also highlights how these women have addressed their inner critic. It boils down to having the proper support–72% of women surveyed said they had a trusted mentor and nearly half cited having a supportive boss. But to fully jettison the Imposter, you also need to do the “inside work” on your beliefs. Over 80% of the women who suffered from self-doubt said they were putting more pressure on themself not to fail than the men did. And nearly half reported that they never expected to rise as far as they did. (WTH?!!) The takeaway: lots of women have an Imposter lurking in them (even successful execs.) But it is possible to overcome those doubts so you can thrive in your career.

How Women Experience The Imposter and What They can Do About It [Video Interview]

The Imposter Syndrome tags even the?most competent people. Rationally, you know that you are perfectly capable of doing the work, but you are still afraid of being found out as a “fake.” That fear and insecurity can be very paralyzing and you will be even more susceptible to these feelings in case of new challenges, such as job interviews, a new job, or to handle a conflict situation. To learn more, watch this?interview?in which Dana interviews author and coach Vreneli Stadelmaier, author of the book Sure She Can, who focuses on helping women move past their inner critic.

Women (and Men) Have Imposter Thoughts. Spoiler Alert: They Respond to Them Differently?

Once thought to be solely the purview of women, Imposter Syndrome has been shown to be a normal, human phenomenon. Imposter Syndrome is defined as people who “fail to internalize their accomplishments and have persistent self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud or impostor.” Two recent studies show that women and men suffer from this inner critic in roughly equal measures, but deal with the issue in differing ways.?

This?research?reports that men tend to believe positive feedback because they’ve been given the tools and support to believe it, while women are more likely to be acculturated to downplaying their role in creating success. Interestingly, women appear to be more successful in dealing with the voice of doubt.?In this study, men experiencing imposter thoughts had more anxiety (which decreased their performance) when given negative feedback (compared to their female counterparts.) The InPower take on this: we suspect that women, being more familiar with negative feedback and bias, have become adept at working around some elements of Imposter thoughts. For those women who still?struggle to accept compliments, we advise “letting in the success” - if someone says you did a “great job” on something,?believe?it to be true. When you start to believe the positive feedback you can nibble away at the Imposter’s hold over your self-image.?

The Imposter Stalks the Underrepresented

As a voice all humans carry within themselves, the Imposter appears to prey on any fears of inadequacy, not solely those related to gender. Does this sound familiar, written by a Black man??“In grade school, Black student’s work and behavior is?harshly scrutinized?and repeatedly stamped not good enough. From a young age, many of us are taught to believe our achievements pale in comparison to our white peers. Our seniors?tell us?(and the?research reiterates): 'You have to work twice as hard to get half of what they have.' As we graduate to the workforce and fail to see ourselves represented in?so many industries, how can we not believe it? How can we not ask: Do I really belong here?”?Read his full story.

Want to Tame The Imposter? Practice Compassion

People experiencing self-doubt may think the antidote to the Imposter Syndrome is to bump up their confidence. However, confidence is only half of the equation. This article on?self-compassion?describes why “feeling good about yourself” can sometimes backfire, because if the only tool in your toolkit is high self-esteem, when times get bad, you have no way to recover.?

According to self-compassion expert Dr. Kristin Neff, “Self-esteem is contingent on success and people liking you, so it is not very stable – you could have it on a good day but lose it on a bad day,” she says. You need to feel both confident about yourself and be able to cut yourself some slack when the wheels fall off at work. This blend of confidence and “self-compassion” is a powerful duo that helps you bounce back from failure, see opportunities for growth and remain humble.

When the Imposter is Not the Problem

Since the Imposter Syndrome has become better known as a challenge for women in the workplace, perhaps it's become too-handy a label to wield against women struggling with confidence issues. For some under-represented women, it can be used to gloss over?more important dynamics of racism?and other forms of bias present in the culture. As a woman, this provides yet another reason not to take the Imposter so seriously. When you are able to put the Imposter's voice in your head in perspective, you'll more clearly be able to see where it's not the problem at all and deal with the real issues at play.?

NEW FEATURE: BITE SIZED VIDEOS

I’ve been making an extra effort to provide value on LinkedIn, which includes recording some short?video clips and tips, (2-3 minutes tops)?taken from these newsletters, blog posts, client advice and whatever I’m thinking of.?

How to Avoid Becoming the Office Housewife

?Are You an Accidentally Toxic Boss?

Tips for Culture Change

You can find them all on my?YouTube channel?or by connecting with me on?LinkedIn, but I’ll put the highlights in here!

BOOK REVIEW:?ATLAS OF THE HEART?by BRENE BROWN

A fantastic journaling companion...

FREE WEBINAR: Leading (and Surviving) Large Scale Change

Large scale change, a new software system, a culture change initiative or a new business investment can create havoc for those unprepared and major opportunity for those who seize it. Join Brand Transitions expert, Donita Prakash to share some of the secrets she's learned working with Fortune 500 clients navigating mergers, acquisitions and other large scale changes. Takeaways include:

• insight on what's really going on in the executive suite behind the scenes
• strategies to use major change to catapult your career
• tips for surviving the stress

Donita will also join us at our July Mastermind-- Come get a preview of her session!?Register Now

SOCIAL SHARES & FUNNIES

NEWEST POSTINGS ON INPOWERCOACHING.COM

Imposter Syndrome is Not Just for Women

Interview recording and transcript

I really look forward to calling out our Imposters during our Round Robin Mastermind call this month. Let’s be each other’s Champions and take back some of the Imposter’s power over us all.??

InPowering Powerful Women,

Dana Theus

Executive Coach

InPower Coaching

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