What Will We Tell Our Children?

15 days have passed since George Floyd took his last breath right in front of our eyes on May 25th 2020 in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

15 uncomfortable, desolate, sad, angry days.

During that time, I've muted myself on social media, I've shared other people's content that felt relevant and aligned, I've listened, I've learned, I've cried, I've felt shame and guilt and I've recognized my own white fragility.

You see, white fragility is not only for white people. I immigrated to this country as a baby, grew up poor like most immigrants do, faced sexism like most women do, and somehow clawed my way out of it like (mostly) white people can. Despite the fact that I am not the stereotypical white privileged American, the lifestyle I live today puts me right up there with the best of privileged America. I have benefitted from the very systems that oppress Black people, I have donated money and marched in protests to soothe my own guilt over it, and now, for the past 15 days I have poured over books like White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo, How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi, movies like 13th by Ava DuVernay, and have devoured all content to help me understand how a "good person" such as myself could STILL be racist.

Like many of you, I am a parent. As a conscious parent I ask myself: how do I talk to my kids about racism in a way that's both meaningful (beyond the obvious "everyone should be treated equally") and at the same time, age appropriate? How do I explain concepts like Optical Allyship to my 1st grader? How do I explain systematic racism or Microaggression to my inquisitive 8 year old? What do I say about mass incarceration, prison labor and the ways in which we support it? How do I teach them about their own White Privilege and what to do about it? How do I raise my children to see their blind spots?

I've decided to lean in. I've decided to talk about not knowing all the answers. I've decided to show my kids my discomfort. I've decided to stop sugar coating or protecting my kids from the darkness of racism or from the complexities of potentially abstract concepts. This is too important for me to make this about MYSELF and MY family. I can no longer hide behind the claim that I, as an individual am a "good person", that I am not racist. That my white male spouse and I, as individuals and as a family, teach our children right from wrong, or that we treat black people equally. At this moment in our history as a nation, it is not about MY family (there goes my fragility), it's about a SYSTEM. A system that I live in, that I raise my kids in, that I benefit from. A system that has placed slavery as its cornerstone. A system that relies - financially - on mass incarceration of mostly black people. A system that has cleverly disguised slavery as criminality in order to make us all feel ok about it.

To those of us that consider themselves "progressive", "socially liberal", "having a moral compass" - I include myself in this group - we need to examine ourselves even more than those who are outright racists. We are the ones who have been living in a delusion that racism is not OUR problem. That other White people are the ones who need to change. That we have no work to do besides donating money, or taking our privileged White kids to a rally, or reading them a book about racism. I'm sorry my friends. We need to sit in the discomfort of knowing how we benefit on a daily basis from slavery. We need to show our kids how our systems are inherently built to work for capitalism and the white men who founded it.

There is work and healing that needs to be done by ALL members of our society - White, Brown, Black and Purple. I cannot do the work that is for others to do. I can only do my own work, but I will take 100% accountability for it, and I will own it.

If what I wrote here triggers you, offends you, makes you mad - I'm sorry you are in such a fragile place. Feel free to scroll on, unfriend me, never speak to me again.

Otherwise, here are some places to START the conversation with your kids, because it's never too early:

THIS article and THIS article, both on Common Sense Media

EmbraceRace

PrettyGood

A Kids Book About Racism