What if We Start Chasing Life?

I would like to tell you a story. Better yet, I would like to take you on a short, hopefully, inspirational journey.

August 2009, New York City. I am staring out over Central Park from the 11th-floor windows of Mount Sinai Hospital’s Palliative Care Wing - the same teaching hospital my wife, Desiree, graduated from years earlier with a combined MD/Ph.D. I remember the joy on her face and the tears rolling down mine during her graduation. 

In fact, when she appeared on The Graduating Against the Odds episode of The Oprah Winfrey show in 2002, the camera panned to me in the audience and Oprah later joked with me off camera about my “ugly cry.” What can I say, when it came to Desiree – I was and always will be a softy. 

But on this day, many years later, there were no tears. I couldn’t allow it. 

Desiree was approaching the final days of her valiant battle with cancer. A journey that taught us so much about the meaning of life, self-actualization, what it means to live life fully, the inherent joy within the present moment, and the value of ordinary moments. 

I was blessed to have met Desiree early on, a woman who expanded my horizons and unbeknownst to me at the time, solidified latent coaching skills within me. She was an extraordinary person and her approach to her own illness was so intriguing that The New York Times ran a front-page story about her on Easter Sunday, 2010.

Following the completion of her Ph.D. in October 1998, Desiree enthusiastically took a one-year sabbatical to join me in the United Arab Emirates where I had started a new job. We both believed in taking risks, challenging our comfort zones, and savoring experiences - yet we were unprepared for the unknown where we soon found ourselves. Desiree, 31 years old, was diagnosed with Stage 3B Breast Cancer on Thanksgiving 1998. 

The emotional rollercoaster set off at enormous speed down the first drop leading to a series of corkscrew twists and turns for the next 11 years. We were smack dab in the first car without any restraints, knuckles white as we held on for dear life – literally. There were no woohoo's as you normally hear at an amusement park, but an eerie silence resulting from the suffocating swirl of fears gripping us by our throats. 

Yet, it didn’t take long for us to realize that our emotions were molding the clay of our lives and having both learned some tough life lessons as children offered us a combined resilience set-point critical in drafting a plan of attack, “take no prisoners, move forward with positivity, live consciously and never look back.”

As her co-pilot, I - instinctively and without hesitation - assumed the roles of; caregiver, Rock of Gibraltar, fount of hope, and of being her impromptu Life Coach. It was while learning how to navigate the controls of this new improvised aircraft that I conceptualized my definition of purpose - when values come in alignment with passions. 

I realized purpose is when what you are doing brings you into a state of flow where you feel no resistance from life. It is when you want to give away the results of what you are doing instead of holding on to them for personal gain or pleasure. It could be as simple as cooking a meal for someone, fighting world hunger, and everything in between. My purpose was crystal clear - to carry my wife as far as she could go knowing I could never save her.

Her diagnosis also ignited the process of our self-exploration and it became strikingly evident to both of us that everything that happens in one’s life is an ingredient in “their recipe” and instead of being angry one only has to ask if they are happy with themselves. 

Please ask yourself that question now. 

If the answer was yes, then celebrate everything in your life because it’s made you who you are. If the answer is you are not happy, then I would recommend examining why you are not happy and take responsibility for your life, changing what you can. When it comes to the things you can’t but would like to change - acknowledge them, accept them, use them, but refuse to let them define you. 

Remember - we are not what happens to us, but we are what we choose to do with what’s happened. 

Desiree refused to let “disease” define her but instead came to view her diagnosis as “the gift of motivation” through having to contemplate her mortality. She became motivated to live life fully and fight in the name of her dreams.

In fact, her entire existence blossomed into an example of learning from life’s experiences and the power of choice – the one and only true thing under our control. Her life was an illustration of complete choice – how she wanted to live and how she chose to approach death – unveiling that a fulfilling life is all about overcoming fear in order to live a life in harmony with your key values. 

What, in your life, can you look at today with new eyes? 

What catalyst have you been ignoring which could unleash your internal strength - thus liberating you to pursue your dreams? 

What insights could you employ to uncover and heal your deepest wounds, transcend your conditioning, change your limiting beliefs, and remove negativity in your life so you may follow that path you have been longing to embark upon? 

In other words, how can you rewrite your story, empower yourself, and become “possibility in action”? 

These questions assisted me in rewriting my own story after her passing. I found the motivation to pursue new, heartfelt, purposeful paths – becoming a certified Life Coach and moving to Italy.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

We worry so much about life span – how long can or will we live – and I hope this brief story conveys that it is not the length of time we live but how fully we live. Desiree barely stopped for one second, her enthusiasm was inexhaustible. She decided to chase life, living it spherically - in many directions. I dare say Desiree lived a full accelerated life, making sure it was worth it, and hope her life and my journey have inspired you to get out there - to chase life - and start living your best life.

“Life is long if you know how to use it.” - Seneca

Robert Pardi | Life Coach | www.robertpardi.com |#possibilityinaction | #empoweryourself