What We Resist-Persists

“Resistance refers to the struggle that occurs when we believe our moment-to-moment experience should be other than it is."

?—Kristin Neff (The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook)

I love how I can be looking for content to write about, and a totally different article shows up. It usually happens that "mistake article" is what I really need at that time. I knew the content I wanted was in the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, but it certainly wasn't the chapter on Resistance. HA!

I've had this WORKBOOK since 2020, have read through it twice, but never did the exercises at the end of each chapter.?I'm laughing as I write this because when I finally answered those questions, I had this amazing epiphany, which I'll share momentarily.?What makes this even more hilarious, is that I was coaching someone about resistance last week.

The Universal Law of Resistance says that what we resist continues to appear in our experience until we learn to release what created the resistance in the first place. It's like we get to keep taking the test until we get it right. What we resist, persists and even grows.?

Whenever we experience discontent, unhappiness, or bad attitude, there is something we are resisting.?It's not the experience that itself that causes pain, it's the resistance. You may want to read that last sentence twice.

This "pain" comes from the fight; it comes from our deep desire to control or fix that which is not ours to fix or change.?

This is what I was reminded of...again:?

Resistance causes me to run through all sorts of scenarios in my head on how to fix the situation. Like a horse in a corral, those thoughts circle in my head and take up a ton of space.?I can't get results or control because the situation is not mine to fix. For a results-oriented person, this makes it tons worse. What makes this so frustrating is because I think things should be other than they are--and I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEM.

How do we deal with resistance?

• First we need to become aware of what it is that we are resisting.
• Then we need to let it be. (Heavy sigh.)
• Don't try to fix or change it, just become aware of our inner chatter about it.?What are we saying inside??What is the feeling and why?
• Don't fight it and don't stuff it either. Acknowledge it, surrender it and say "yes" to the experience/feeling. Be grateful for your awareness.

Yes, it's easier said than done and it takes practice. My experience has been that this works, because where my focus goes there my energy flows. If I am busily focusing on the negative, it calls more negative into my life. If I let go and surrender what I'm resisting, the tension drains out of my neck and those negative emotions float away.?When I let go, I have so much more brain space for other creative, positive things.?

It's good to know that growth is a process...well, I'm happy with that fact most of the time...because there are still places in my life where I'm still taking that test. I've grown, though, because more times than not, I am able to open my grasping, little hands and let go of what or who is not mine to control.?

Accepting...mostly

Jan

Need a coach to help you through this--I'm an email away!