What we regret

What is the relationship between failure and regret? At first glance, one might think people would dwell on and regret their biggest failures. But the research suggests otherwise. To better understand regret, best selling author Daniel Pink, collected regrets from more than sixteen thousand people in 105 countries.

Pink categorized the regrets into four categories, one of which he calls "boldness regrets." These were especially plentiful. People regretted not having been bold enough to take a chance with a business or a long-held dream. They regretted not having been brave enough to ask out a person they were interested in. By limiting the upside and protecting against the downside (playing not to lose), many harbored painful regrets about their lives.

Interestingly, Pink found that people did not regret having taken a chance and failing. He maintains that by studying regret we learn what constitutes a good life. Just as everyone fails, everyone has regrets. Regrets and failures are part of being human, and only by learning to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness rather than contempt and blame can we find a sense of balance and fulfillment. Just as we can lessen some of the burden of our mistakes by disclosing them, so can disclosing our regrets defang their bite and allow for sense-making. People like others more, not less, when they disclose vulnerabilities. This is partly because we respect their courage.

This article, titled "What we regret" is excerpted from the book 'Right Kind of Wrong."