What We Lose When We Lose Our Jobs

'Tis the season!

Not for receiving gifts but for receiving pink slips.

Unfortunately, in the past few weeks, we have seen several companies lay off many workers in ways that lack empathy and emotional intelligence.

In times of uncertainty, we need leaders and organizations to increase, not decrease, in these areas!

Because losing a job isn't just about the loss of the job itself.

Three things that we grieve when we experience job loss are:

1. WORK IDENTITY - When you are unexpectedly laid off, there may be the tendency to wonder what you may have done to cause this fate. One might experience a bit of an identity crisis if their identity is tied up in a job role. Who am I if I am not (fill in the blank)?

I have a saying, "Loan your roles but own yourself." We must be careful not to affix our identity to roles that aren't finite. They are not our being; they are our doing.

Many of us have adopted society's message that our roles define us. Remember, our vocation and identity are not synonymous.

A layoff doesn't mean you are unworthy, incompetent, or insignificant.

Take this moment to assess what your work narrative is. What emotional boundaries do you need to put in place to help you ground yourself in who you are rather than in what you do? Take time to process your story through journaling, with a trusted loved one, and with a therapist.

2. COMMUNITY - If you worked anywhere for a significant amount of time, you likely have built some level of community.

I know we (rightfully) don't like the phrase "work family," but we cannot ignore the loss of belonging and relationships we have built over time.

Some relationships will survive the job termination; however, additional grief occurs when those you thought you would continue to connect with become unresponsive. You might wonder if these relationships were genuine and authentic.

There was an Abbot Elementary Halloween episode where the main character, Janine, realized that as much as she enjoyed her work colleagues, they weren't necessarily her friends and that she had to create a community outside of work.

We must ensure that we have multiple places of belonging; otherwise, the loss of our work community can have a more significant impact if we don't have other safe spaces to land.

3. CULTURE - This one affects those who remain. The survivors of layoffs also experience loss.

The remaining staff takes note when layoffs are done suddenly and without compassion. Were their colleagues able to say goodbye? Were they treated like a security risk? Or were they able to leave with dignity?

Culture isn't only what someone experiences when they join a company but also what they experience when they leave.

A company's process for layoffs reflects culture. How managers and leaders discuss or stay quiet about these layoffs also reflects culture.

The remaining employees can experience survivor's guilt - a response to an event in which someone else experienced loss but you did not; and the loss of work identity and community.

The layoffs can leave survivors to reassess their work identity and relationship with their job. They may question the boundaries they have implemented or neglected around work. The late nights, missed games, and limited time off. Is it all for nothing?

They also miss their peers whom they respected and who supported their well-being at work by being dependable, personable, and respectful.

Transitions impact all staff — those who go and those who stay. Leaders can help minimize uncertainty and fear by effectively communicating and being empathetic. These emotionally intelligent skills are integral in helping all affected process their grief.

I'd love to help your leaders lead with empathy and emotional intelligence, whether your company is experiencing layoffs, a merger, or intentionally cultivating a culture of wellness. Visit workingwelldaily.com for more information.

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Farah Harris is a psychotherapist and the founder of WorkingWell Daily ?, a company that approaches workplace belonging and well-being from a clinical and emotionally intelligent lens. Farah has helped individuals and Fortune 500 companies develop healthier workplaces where employees want to stay and thrive because their leaders and teams have grown in empathy, self-awareness, social awareness, and cultural awareness.

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