What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate

Years ago, I listened to Al O'Brien speak to a group of sales professionals. Al was much older than I was. He was outspoken, gregarious and 'experienced'. Back in the day, Al 'owned' a piece of Tommy 'Hitman' Hearns. Al loved the fight game. One of Al O'Brien's favorite expressions was, "Two men enter the ring. One leaves the Winner. The other leaves with experience. How much experience would you like today?"

Human beings are defective. We seem to be incapable of learning from others. How many parents have told their children, don't touch the stove, it is hot you'll get burned? How many children didn't listen and got burned? If Al were here, he would tell they didn't get burned, they got experience.

People Don't Always Say What They Mean, Nor Do They Mean What They Say

If you think people understand this think again. In business discussions, most play their cards close to the vest. They don't want you to know what they are thinking. When you ask a question, their answer will sound good. Is that the real answer?

People have a reason they will share with you, one that sounds good. They will also have the real reason and that is the one they won't be so forthcoming with. Those with sufficient life and business experience understand this. They practice an effective communication technique -- L A I R. Listen, Affirm, Inquire, Reply.

Effective Communicators know how to peel the onion. They know how to build a relationship by practicing the Art of Effective Communication. The dictionary defines communication as:

-- the exchange of information: the exchange of information between individuals, for example, by means of speaking, writing, or using a common system of signs or behavior, the act of communicating: the communicating of information. rapport: a sense of mutual understanding and sympathy

The goal of the communications process is to develop a sense of mutual understanding and sympathy through a series of actions directed toward a particular aim. In the world of business that would mean each party would clearly understand the areas of pain, needs, and wants with the intent to provide a solution or solutions that are mutually profitable

The human database is a computer programmed through education and experience and cluttered with perceptions, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. Unlike the binary nature of a computer software database, the human database is influenced by emotion, preconception, attitudes, feelings, beliefs, and perception. We receive over 300,000 messages and symbols a day. We tune out those messages that do not interest us. We focus on those things that we choose to focus on and frequently ignore contradictory facts. 

People receive ridiculous amounts of information every second of the day. The estimate of 300,000 is low. To deal with that volume of information human beings take a series of shortcuts. We start with observable information. We select details of what we see and hear. We make instantaneous decisions about people, places and things based on our limited and unique experience.

Always remember that Their Perception is OUR reality. To cut through the clutter of communication and our own emotional bias we need to use a process. CCC -- Connect, Convey, Check. Connect – Get on the same wavelength with the prospect or client. Convey – Send a clear and simple message that the prospect or client can understand and relate too. Check – Ask questions to determine if the message you sent is the message they received. Tell them what you are going to tell them. Tell them. Confirm that the message you sent is the message they received. This is a subset of LAIR - Listen, Affirm, Inquire, Reply.

Words Can Create Conflict or Chemistry. Research shows that only 20% of our decisions are based in fact. Only 20%. 80% is based on how we process information internally. 80% of every decision we make is based on Emotion. The most logical thinkers among us make decisions based more on emotion than fact. How can this be true?

Human beings receive information in three ways. Visual, Aural, and Kinesthetic. We receive information by seeing, hearing, and doing. Always remember that none of these are unfiltered. All information we receive we filter. We bias all information we receive as fast as we receive it. How many times have you heard the expression we only hear what we want to hear? Now you know why that is truer than we would like it to be.

Is there a silver bullet for effective communication? Yes. The silver bullet is PASSION. The passion you bring to your conversations cuts through the filters of the person you are speaking with by connecting with their emotions. Speak at a pace of 170 words per minute to hold their attention. Speak more slowly and you will lose their attention. Speak faster and you will leave them behind in the dust. Master the multiple languages you speak in. Your native language, the technical language of your industry, the way you use inflection and deliver your message using process, passion, and urgency.

If You Always Do What You Have Always Done, You Will Always Get What You Always Got

Rules for Change

• Document the Current Process
• Identify Needs
• Define the Changes
• Commit to the MISSION
• Visualize the Benefits

Einstein’s Definition of Insanity is well known -- Performing the same experiment, under the same conditions, using the same materials, the same proportions in the same sequence expecting a different result. 

You have read this far, spending your valuable time with this LinkedIn article. Based on the information that has been input to YOUR computer by reading through this article, what benefits would YOU enjoy as a superior communicator in YOUR profession?