What if we encouraged the hens to crow?

A way for women to change the way we think about our achievements, and paying it forward for each other.

Picture this, it’s 6.10am on a bright but chilly September morning. I am awoken from my sleep to a sound from the garden that is not unlike a dog with a squeaky toy. Except, even in my half-asleep brain, I know this can’t be what I’m hearing as there aren’t any squeaky toys in my garden. I don’t have a dog. As I begin to tune in the waking world around me I slowly realise what the noise is. It’s a chicken crowing. Now I am a chicken keeper, so the thought of a chicken crowing isn’t such a wild one, except my little flock of backyard hens are exactly that. They’re hens. All female chooks. Now, as with most things in nature it’s not the girls that are given the beautiful plumage and vocals that can hit the horizon on a Sunday morning. That honour is reserved for Cockerels only (or so I thought). So what on earth was going on in my garden?

It turns out (with the assistance of Google and confirmation from a number of chicken keeping forums) it is actually quite a common occurrence for female chickens to adopt the role of cockerel in a flock where a male is absent. So, as a feminist, this only served to reinforce my views on the non-binary nature of gender, and in Emma my chicken’s case, I certainly wanted to be supportive of her new found confidence in the flock and position of “head hen”. But did she really need to crow about it at the crack of dawn in a residential area!

As I stumbled about in my dressing gown, liberally flinging corn around the lawn in an attempt to distract Emma from her proclamations of being the G.O.A.T, it got me thinking once more about the limitations that society places on those of us who identify as female. Why, for some women, do we limit ourselves in terms of feeling free to “crow” about our achievements?

What lies between humility and ego?

I’m unsure if there is a discomfort in stepping forward to have our successes recognised that leads women to play down our achievements, or if our desire to share the recognition with those that have helped us get there prevents us claiming achievements as our own.  But one thing I know, at least for myself, is that there must be a place of comfort that can be found somewhere between what I perceive as egotistical or “braggy”, and the kind of modesty that undermines my own hard work.  Competence, intelligence and ambition are not things that anyone should be afraid of, so how do we move into a space where these things (and more) can be celebrated.  

And it’s not just claiming success that seems to be a challenge for us, all too often when receiving praise and compliments there is an almost automatic response for most women to shrug it off as “nothing really”, or worse still, go to great lengths to convince the giver that we are totally unworthy.  It comes as no surprise then that the courage it takes to claim success is also required to confidently accept the award of it from others too.  However, it must be possible to readily accept feedback from those around you and use this to build confidence in your strengths and self-worth, without seeming arrogant.  As with most things, I’m guessing it just takes practice and the willingness to try.

"Women don't need to find a voice. They have a voice. They need to feel empowered to use it, and people need to be encouraged to listen," - Meghan Markle

Celebrate the great women around you

By understanding our own strengths and connecting with a personal sense of self-worth, we can better judge our accomplishments against our own ideals, and celebrate every step that gets us closer to our definition of success.  Likewise, we must also acknowledge that other women’s achievements are based on parameters that may be different to those we ourselves hold true.

For me, one of the most harming attitudes I have encountered in the workplace is the judgement of women, by women.  I strongly believe that we must commit to valuing every woman’s success, and recognising how much work and effort went into whatever she succeeded in.  At this point I also feel it would be irresponsible of me, as a white cisgendered woman, to not recognise that many women do unfortunately have to work harder than others to achieve the levels of success they deserve (or to even be acknowledged at all), depending on the intersection of their identity.  This is not right, and this is exactly why we need to be there for each other, to raise each other up and support those around us when we need it.

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

Minimising ourselves

But it’s not only a reluctance to step up and celebrate achievements that is holding women back.  A few months ago I started working on removing the word “just” from my vocabulary, “just to let you know…”, “I just wanted to say…”.  In doing this I realised how often I used this simple 4 letter word to preface what were, for the most part, very valid and competent statements.  There was no reason for it, no-one had ever told me to downplay my ideas or assume I should ask questions from a place that lacks confidence.  And yet I did.  Somewhere along the way, like many women do, I learned to take up as little space as possible.  I must acknowledge that this is something I am still working on, along with removing other self-deprecating statements such “I’m sorry, can I just add…”, and when asked to observe and give feedback to others, this introductory apology is something I often notice in other women too. 

For me, these habits have been built over a span of 30+ years so “unlearning” them is clearly going to take time and effort.  But it is time and effort I am prepared to invest to move into a space where I can own my thoughts and ideas, and encourage others with theirs too. 

So what about Emma?

From now on, my intention is to commit to telling people when I admire them, and to be present in my attention to others.  I shall strive to engage in genuine feedback that will help us to grow, in both our abilities and our confidence.  When someone offers me advice, or a compliment or reward, I will assume positive intent and accept it graciously.  I am going to be more cockerel, I’ll celebrate my achievements and be unashamed of stating my value and competence.  

And what does this mean for my hen Emma?  Well I’m sorry neighbours, she’s a proud chicken at the top of her flock, and who am I to stand in the way of her celebrations and confidence to own her own worth!  I’m going to let my chicken crow.