What We Can Learn From Simone Biles: Lesson #3—The Importance of Self Awareness, Self Care, and Setting Boundaries for High Performers

(If you missed prior articles in this series, I provide links to them at the end of this article)

The 2020/2021 Summer Olympics are a few weeks behind us now, but one of the unexpected highlights is still abuzz—the GOAT U.S. Women’s gymnast, Simone Biles, dropping out of all but the last event of the competitions.

Although some criticized Simone for dropping out of the team competition and “abandoning” her team mates, most were enlightened and empathetic enough to praise her for making a hard decision that not only served her best interest, but also that of her team mates.

The "3-S" Pillars for Mental Fitness (Self Awareness, Self Care and Setting Boundaries) are important for EVERY person, but even more so when you are living a high-performance life (athletes, leaders, celebrities, etc.) with the additional stressors that come with it.

When Simone realized she was not “on her game” (later we found out her brain was getting disoriented during spinning motions—“the twisties”) and was likely to not only drag down her team’s chance of medaling but also injure herself, she demonstrated all three of the Pillars:

1.??????Self awareness—knowing yourself deeply. Being fully aware of when you are functioning at your best mentally and/or physically and when you are not.

2.??????Self care—doing what you need to do to love, honor, nurture and protect yourself—even if it’s hard, even if you have to give up a goal, even if others don’t like it.

3.??????Setting boundaries—creating a recognizable delineation between what’s good for you and what’s not, and not allowing yourself or others to cross those lines of your “protection” zone. It sets up expectations about how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you.

They seem simple, but they are not always easy.

Self awareness requires that you take time to get present with yourself, to notice how you are feeling, and the cause-and-effect scenarios you are creating and experiencing in your life. So many people are on “autopilot” in their days and lives, without much introspection about how what they’re doing is influencing where they’re going and being purposeful about that.

I train my clients to start a regular 5-step reflection process (at least once a week, but preferably a mini one at the end of each day) that helps them be more mindful of the impact various actions they’re taking, how their pre-programmed/default thoughts and emotions are influencing those actions, what results that is producing (in how they feel afterwards and whether they are moving towards their stated goals or against them and in alignment with their deeply held values), and what they can adjust if they notice they’re veering off course.

Self care requires being your own best friend and advocate, and realizing that you can’t give from an empty cup. You must know what ADDS to your cup and what TAKES AWAY from your cup. You must add more than you’re pouring from your cup. And you must recognize when your cup is getting close to empty (self awareness) and have quick, effective ways to fill it back up.

Even better, give from your overflow, not your cup. In other words, make sure your cup is FULL first, then generate more to give away instead of drawing from your own cup’s reserves. How? By engaging in activities that super-charge you beyond the “just enough” level. Things that elevate you physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. What would that be for you?

Self care encompasses healthy eating, staying well-hydrated, daily movement/exercise, thinking/being loving to yourself (self-empathy and forgiveness), doing things that bring you joy/activate your passion or sense of purpose, and connect to a higher power. It also includes LETTING GO of things that drain your cup quickly and incessantly.

Setting boundaries requires great self-awareness and experimentation with self-care to know what “lines” are reasonable and helpful, and when a line has been crossed (you go outside that protective circle or others come inside it). It also requires staying firm to those boundaries and making corrections quickly when they get crossed (or preferably, even getting too close), letting others know what your boundaries are and when they crossed one, and standing firm to that correction until it’s made.

Setting and holding to your boundaries can also be hard. It requires inner strength and a sense of worthiness, which many people are in short supply of. ?Identifying and changing the negative inner dialog and beliefs that lead to lack of self-worth and weak boundaries will be crucial to establishing and strengthening this pillar. Working with a counselor or personal coach can really speed up that process.

I was delighted to see that Simone was able to tap into and exemplify these pillars despite the inner and outer pressures to just “suck it up and push through.” She mentioned working with a Team USA sports psychologist and her coaches to help her decide the best course of action for the rest of the gymnastics competitions. In the end, she was able to compete in the last event—balance beam—because it allowed her to stay within the boundaries of what she felt she could still do safely, even though it required doing a much simpler dismount.

Napolean Hill stated, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartbreak carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”

In Positive Intelligence we teach that every challenge contains a gift or opportunity. In this situation, I’d say there were several:

·????????Simone stood true to herself and her needs and still walked away with a medal

·????????She allowed her team mates the ability to compete to their best and win medals

·????????She won our hearts for being brave enough to do what was right for her, and

·????????She helped contribute to a sensitive but important conversation about mental health--in sports and life in general.

In the next article of this series, I’ll discuss Lesson #4 from Simone’s withdrawal: The pressure to perform—The Saboteur Hyper Achiever vs. the Sage High Achiever

And if you missed any of the prior articles in this series, you can read them here:

What we can learn from Simone Biles' decision to withdraw from competition during the Olympics--The importance of talking about mental health and mental fitness

What we can learn from Simone Biles' decision to withdraw from competition during the Olympics—Building Mental Fitness to Improve Mental Health