The thoughts here are inspired by a recent LinkedIn conversation started by
Myriam Hadnes
. We’ve talked about the complainers, the rebels in meetings - the ones who question the next activity, the purpose of the meeting, the purpose of the current question etc. And it’s hard for us as facilitators to cope with them. Because they may introduce uncertainty into what we’re trying to do.
Luckily there are some patterns to use when it comes to “complicated” individuals in meetings:
- When there is resistance, there is energy. There might be valid points behind the moaning. Try to unpack the gift and learn from it.
- While it might be an understandable reaction to see the behavior as being against you as a person, it’s not. It’s against your actions in the scenario, it may be against your role in the setting. While it might sound personal, more often it’s not.
- Maybe it’s part of the groan zone you’re going through with the group, hence it might be even helpful to eventually create valuable outcome.
This is the individual reflection zone of you as the facilitator. Let’s come to preventive actions. Actions that either support the emergence of healthy conversations or pull the focus away from you as the facilitator.
- Have team agreements, meeting agreements or core commitments. They ensure that common behaviors are agreed on in advance of the situation. Put the accountability into the hands of the group to live these agreements.
- Have a meeting invitation with purpose and expected outcome. Have a meeting agenda, agree on it. Create as much clarity as possible in advance, so you can create a safe space for you and the group when the going gets tough.
- Clarify the role of the participant with the autonomy for a Protocol Check, an Intention Check, a Pass or Check Out.
OK, now we’ve done everything to let the meeting run smooth and still, during the meeting the unexpected happens. Well, we’re still with human beings. So, be prepared to be surprised. Patterns what to do in the moment:
- Invite the complicated individual(s) to help the agreements are met. At least she may focus to live the agreements by herself, at best she may help the group to live the agreements, taking the burden to remind participants from the facilitator.
- Invite her to be a temporary co-facilitator. Taking responsibility for the process to guide the group to an outcome might meet a need of the individual to be valuable, to have influence.
- Ask her to be an observer if there is resistance to a specific activity. Often, she is interested in the topic itself but resists to the structure of the activity. As an observer she can play an important role for the learning of the group by sharing her observations in a debrief.
- If you are working as a facilitator pair you may even do parallel activities, temporarily taking the complicated individual(s) out of the group and meet their needs with a more acceptable activity.
- As a facilitator you may Ask for Help. “How can I serve the group to reach…?”
- It’s often a good idea to make a break, calming the minds with a coffee/tea.
- Play the habit guardian and add more complaints to her complaints. (by
Thomas Lahnthaler
)
- Invite the individual to do an Intention Check, Pass or Check Out from the meeting. The law of mobility sometimes needs to be actively enforced by the host of the meeting.
Wow, good to see that we are not helpless in difficult situations in meetings. I’m curious to learn what patterns you are using in similar scenarios.
This article first appeared on the thing.online blog.
I am the CEO, Curious Explorer Optimist of Learning Moments. I provide learning experiences for individuals and organisations to reflect, rethink, and change their behaviours, practices, and principles.
2 年Yes, surly, resistance can be energy and for this I found the Deep Democracy training I started last year a real eye opener. Thanks to Sara Huang to pointed already to it. I admit dealing with rebels (nice label ??) can be a hurdle and is not always easy. Therefore preventing as you suggest Thomas Krause is really easier and lighter. The point you mention about a truly inviting invitation is a really important one ( > The minimum requirement for truly inviting invitations https://bringingworkshopsonline.com/invite-to-engage-from-the-start-the-minimum-requirement-for-truly-inviting-invitations/ What I find particularly challenging is the timing of an intervention. It must happen rather fast. And is mostly coming from our gut feeling. To come to a reflected decision to intervene or not I find the Diagnosis-Intervention Cycle from Roger Schwarz useful (it's in my ‘pocket’ since many many years, I find a still valuable) > https://www.masterfacilitatorjournal.com/archives/skill45.html It helps you to go quickly through your observations and make your decision.
Intentional Unconventionalist I Thought-Provoker I Frugalist I Author
2 年This topic would probably take days to unpack. Thanks for the spark to both you and Myriam and for sharing your practical article & thank you for the mention! A few thoughts: 1. Moaning, complaining, and even rebelling can be qualifying labels that indicate assumptions and create an image in my mind. What helps me is to describe their behavior without these labels. This also opens doors for how to work with it. 2.Who is triggered by these people, me or the participants? I frequently notice in coaching and supervision with facilitators that not seldom the honest answer is "me". I think it is essential to distinguish my reaction from the group's to avoid projecting emotional reactions. 3. In situations where one participant claims much talking time and questions the purpose, the easiest is to play it back to the group, what would you see as the purpose? 4.If people do not want to be there, offer them to leave. However, if they stay, make clear they are expected to join the journey. This (un-)surprisingly often has the effect that it is more difficult to leave the group than to stay and engage. 6. Extra roles can work very well but can also enable them. 5. I think every participant needs space to make a workshop a success.
CEO Frontline Mind
2 年I usually invite them to chair the next one
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2 年Useful stuff to think about. What to do in the moment depends, for me, on the size of the meeting - at least to some extent - and whether the rebel is just rebelling 'for themselves' or 'on behalf of the group'. And it makes me wonder: while everything's been online, to what extent have the 'just for myself' rebels been the ones who have sudden bandwidth issues? :-)
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2 年I believe it can be a signal that it is not clear to the rebel why he or she is in this workshop/session/meeting. Or there must be something else that causes the rebel to resist so eagerly. I often struggle with these siatuations because of the feeling that I have to justify why I do what I do. Yet, I try to find the hidden treasures that rebels bring into a meeting.