What a virus taught me

We took the whole of 2019 to quietly build an infrastructure on permissioned ledger tech, we did three proof of concepts with one that got us in the news (https://variety.com/2019/digital/asia/cannes-papicha-blockchain-tokenized-investment-from-hong-kong-financiers-1203328542/).

Our pipeline was strong with institutions lining up. Conversations were moving a tad faster than before because the industry had gone beyond the “are you talking about bitcoin?” to a more “let’s look where we can apply your solution”. Investors were also lining up for our series A, with two having completed their DD by year end.

I was super pumped, we had a strong team, a clear roadmap on the tech side, on the go-market strategy and we were looking to grow…

Then, the mother of all black swans hit us hard. We reacted early Feb as fast we could after investors and prospects dithered and disappeared. We asked our rockstars team to make sacrifices. For some it was unbearable.

On a few occasions, anger, one of my closest friends, showed up…I wanted to be left alone to do the things I know best: stand up and fight. But when a phenomenon hits everyone, there is nothing to fight except your anger. The only control one can have in those moments is to control one’s reactions.

At some point in late Feb, early March, I decided to default back to my normal “we are where are, it could be worse”. There was no point pushing everyone away when we were all in the same boat.

Fast forward to today, we are on our knees…Great guys have left us but a core team of rocktars has stayed through thick and thin. We haven’t cut anyone except their salaries and we have tried to find individual solutions even if that meant calling onto our network to help our colleagues (I shall say friends really) find a role. The fundamentals haven’t changed as to why private markets in general and credit in particular need the type of solutions we have built.

In any situation that hits you hard, you have three choices: you either hide and avoid, step up and fight or pause and learn from it.

Hindsight is a bitchy teacher who is always right and it gave me some homework to do to fill a long list of the mistakes I have made…I am still working on it. Book to be published by 2025…”war and peace” move aside, a new car jack is in the making. Point the finger at your shortcomings first and don’t hide from your responsibilities that created the mess you are in…It’s not about dwelling and spiralling down but taking the opportunity to lay bare all the reasons why you are in the situation you are in…I look back to only move forward.

These challenging times present one in a lifetime opportunity to learn, improve, move forward even if you are limping. For me, as I can’t speak for anyone else, for the company I co-founded nearly 4 years ago, these painful moments are a chance to reset, restart and look toward an unknown future with no restrictions. You can’t change the pickle you are in but you can always move forward even if that means in a direction you didn’t expect or want. Learn a new skill, explore new horizons. Eat humble pie. Movement is growth.

I was born an optimist smiling to the world or at least that is what my self-published lore is saying…I always see the future as a blank canvas.

Being an entrepreneur posits a viewpoint or a vision that stands for something even if it is constantly refined. That vision is never in isolation not just because you have to keep on explaining what makes you different but because you have taken a stance against something else. You have made a decision that in the future, you will be right. During periods of doubts and crisis, self-belief and resolve are more than ever what separates you from the rest. You play a game of “who blinks first” with yourself and you owe it to your self, relatives and  supporters to not throw the towel in.

I have spent the last five years dabbling at being an entrepreneur maybe because I have always been one, maybe because of the chaos that my self-diagnosed ADHD strives for, maybe because I was done with being surrounded by people limited by budgets, egos and fears…maybe, maybe…who knows? Who cares? I have lost a fair amount of dough (opportunity cost in lost revenues, lost investments etc.) but I see it as part of a learning curve by doing.

I feel blessed to have crossed the paths and shared some time with many rockstars (read…doers not talkers). The past doesn’t make me emotional, and emotions + business are a recipe for disaster anyway.

More than ever before, I have used sport in the last 6 months to fight bouts of idleness, channel my anger, build up my resilience. I am more than ever convinced that motivation has a physical underpinning and the more you do, the more you can and want to do.

I have also explored opportunities I would have never thought of or even considered few months back.

As said before, these weird and not so wonderful times are an opportunity to paint on a blank canvas: different size, different colours, different brushes…but it is still something. Keep going because no-one will do it for you.

What’s your next chapter? I am still rewriting mine feeling strong and blessed with all the tech we have built, the connections we have nurtured, the mistakes we have made.

FinFabrik 3.0 is in the making, stay tuned!