What the US Supreme Court ruling means to me

Before anyone asks why this is posted on a professional platform like LinkedIn, here is why:

I see it like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Most people on LinkedIn are amongst the top of the pyramid, “desire to become the most that they can be”. This is only possible, if the foundations are laid, such as shelter, water, food AND reproduction.

The atrocious decision of the US Supreme court to overrule Roe vs Wade has shattered the foundation of this pyramid for thousands of women in the US. They are no longer safe. They don’t have the privilege to share a casual post about how their day is going. Neither can I.

LinkedIn is more than a vane showing-off of qualifications and achievements. It gives people an opportunity to introduce the human behind the business owner, share a company’s vision, prove that things can be done differently, inspire others to do better. And above all, it gives people a voice, and I am using mine.

I live in the UK, and I have never experienced an abortion. But if the last three years have shown me anything, it is that we can’t take anything for granted. A pandemic that heavily limited our personal freedom, a war in Europe that has shown how fragile peace is, and now this court ruling that has put women back by 150 years in a so called “first world country” that the UK often looks up to.

This affects me. For the simple fact that I am a woman. This is so much more than a decision that affects pregnant women in a few states of the US. This is a sign of how it is going for women in 2022.

To get this one out of the way: I am NOT anti-men. I am straight, I have a wonderful husband, a loving step-father, a supportive biological father, and a gentle and gorgeous son.

I think the real issue is that 1. There is so much that men don’t know/understand, and simply CANNOT understand because they cannot live our experiences. And 2. women feel that they have to be like men in order to have a voice. But this takes us back to square one.

I will try to share my thoughts about both of these points in the following.

1.??????It’s a man’s world

There is no doubt about it, we live in a man’s world. There are endless studies about the in-equality in the workplace and beyond that prove this. But the place where this is most visible is parenthood. There are of course exceptions, but in the main, being a parent for a man is like tandem base jump. Dads know that at all times, there is someone they can fall back on, who knows what they are doing (spoiler alert, they don’t!!), who will step in and pull the strings.

·????????The mother will soothe the baby back to sleep if it won’t settle.

·????????The mother will call her boss if the child is ill and the dad’s work calendar is fully booked.

·????????The mother will put her career second, so that the dad can continue climbing the ladder.

·????????The mother will attend the 846th school event (even though we don’t always find these so thrilling either!) when dad is at work.

·????????And ultimately, a man can continue his life pretty much as if nothing has changed after becoming a dad.

For women, a pregnancy changes EVERYTHING. Forever. A pregnancy is 30 times riskier than an abortion I read yesterday. Remember how you changed forever during puberty? The hormonal changes women experience during pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and beyond are real. Our bodies change, and so does our psyche, our mind, our soul., our identity. Whether we carry the baby full-term or not, we will never be the same woman again. Anna Whitehouse, aka Mother Pukka, posted about microchimerism?the other day, the cell transfer between a woman and the baby she carries. We carry life in our bodies, and for anybody who thinks that this ends after 9 months, think again. It is just the beginning.

I have two children. I was healthy and young when they were born. The pregnancies were no risk pregnancies. And yet it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. They pushed my body and mind to the limit. During the births of my children, I was cut open and sewn back together. Chances are that if I had been in a different place or time, my children or me would have died. The pain that followed my 2nd delivery lasted for well over a year, and I was told that this was the case for 25% of women who have similar birth experiences. The care I received after both my deliveries was abysmal. I hate to think how it is in a country without universal health care.

If it wasn’t for the love of my children, and holding on to my dream of having a family, it could have broken me.

Why am I sharing this?

Because not enough women do.

In the last few days, I have seen comments from men who said things like this decision will lead to more heartbeats, to more happy families. Nothing could be further from the truth. There might be more physical heartbeats if a woman is forced to continue with her unwanted pregnancy, but she and her child will be living a lie, heartbroken from the very start, unloved, full of shame and guilt, deprived of their dreams and their future. This is the case for mother and child alike.

It is a myth that a woman loves her child the minute it is born.

Let alone if that child was unplanned unwanted, or even the result of unconsented intercourse or rape.

This decision is not pro-life, it is to further show women their place, their limits, their lack of control.

And whilst I don’t agree with anti-men dogma, I believe it is time we stopped accepting what is unacceptable.

2.??????EMANcipation

In order for women to “make it” in this world, they behave like men. Again, there are exceptions, but look at most business women, female leaders and success stories. Most of them have no children or full-time childcare. They dress, talk and behave like men. They assume male qualities and suppress their innate female qualities, simply because they don’t get us very far (see point 1.).

This is another reason why I feel compelled to share my view.

As a business owner, my vision is to introduce more female qualities to the world (of work). These are qualities like nurturance, sensitivity, supportiveness, gentleness, warmth, passivity, cooperativeness, expressiveness, modesty, humility, empathy, affection, tenderness, and being emotional, kind, helpful, devoted, and understanding.

Male qualities on the other hand are typically strength, courage, independence, leadership, and assertiveness. It is the power to get stuff done, to strive, to achieve, and fast.

The last few decades have proven that this isn’t working. It has pushed our planet and our people to the limit.

Sustainability, social and environmental responsibility, quality, being of service, giving back to the community, equality, family-friendliness, all this is what many successful companies are moving towards. Note that most of these are allocated amongst the more female qualities. Patagonia’s reaction to the court ruling is a prime example of how businesses living these values assume a responsibility for their employees that exceeds the world of work. It is a prime example of their genuine interest in making the lives for their employees better.

Now, this isn’t a men vs women debate. Many visionary men like Mo Gawdat have said for years that they want to and are introducing more female qualities into their world (of work), because in the long run it is more sustainable on all levels and for everyone involved, including our planet.

Yet when we speak to other business owners, business advisors, agents, or investors (most of them male, of course), none of the female qualities are mentioned or appreciated. Many of them can’t be measured, let alone translated into money. They look at your YOY growth and tell you that you could have done better. Nobody looks at the fact that you AND YOUR WHOLE TEAM work part-time because you all have two or more children. Nobody looks are how eco-friendly and therefore more expensive your practises are, nobody looks at how much of your time, energy and resources go to acts of service and don’t always translate into income.

Yet, I REFUSE to let myself and my company be painted with the same brush. I say it again, there is no blueprint. Yes, there are ways that business can be done that are more likely to succeed. But these paths have hardly ever been trodden by women, let alone by mothers. So, I see myself as a visionary, as a pioneer, and I will keep going down my own path, which is NOT the easy one, but I have to stay true to my values, and my priorities to be authentic, and to delivery the best I can for my family, my team and my customers.

My vision is for more women to wake up. To ditch the notion that they have to negate their femininity in order to make it.

For this to happen though, we will have to start celebrating each other. Create a sisterhood where women feel safe to set out on this new path. We can no longer be stuck in comparison, in busying ourselves with superficialities like our dress size or parenting style.

This is about the power we have to change the world. The make it more peaceful, more nurturing, more empathetic, softer, kinder, warmer.

This is the only way. To embrace one another, to celebrate one another, to see one another, with our struggles, with our imperfections, but with our fierce convictions and strong values.

Only when we unite and embrace that another way is possible can we be a force of good. One that has the potential to change the status quo, and create a future that is worthy of the children of tomorrow, whether they are ours or not. ??

For all this to happen, our basic needs have to be met.

So today I am asking for support. For men to support women in our battles, for women to support each other, for women to support men who want to understand our struggles better.

I am asking for curiosity over judgement, for coming together over individualism, for collaboration over competition.