What Type Relationship Bridge Are You Building?

Below is an abbreviated version of an exercise I created to help clients assess the strength of the relationship bridges they have with others both personally and professionally.

Think of a specific relationship—maybe with an employee, spouse, or significant other.

Reflect on how your behaviors influence its strength. Which of these bridges describes the strength of that connection?

1. Suspension Bridge: Strong and Resilient

Are you consistently showing up with trust and support?

This is the gold standard of relationships—a bridge built to last. It can handle heavy loads, withstand the winds of conflict, and connect people across great emotional distances. This bridge is built by consistent positive behaviors, meaningful appreciation, and a commitment to listening and understanding.

Do your actions reflect this?

• You follow through on promises and align your words with your actions.
• You regularly show gratitude and acknowledge the other person’s value.
• You listen with empathy, respect, and curiosity, even during difficult conversations.

If this describes your bridge, congratulations! But remember, even suspension bridges require maintenance. Ask yourself:

• Am I continuing to to maintain this bridge?
• How can I ensure this bridge stays strong through challenges?

2. Arch Bridge: Dependable but Routine

Is your relationship steady but missing emotional depth?

An arch bridge is reliable and timeless. It handles life’s everyday pressures but may lack excitement or intimacy. This bridge is built by being dependable and showing respect, but sometimes falling into comfortable patterns that don’t foster growth or connection.

Do your actions reflect this?

• You’re reliable, but your expressions of appreciation might be occasional or routine.
• You listen, but your conversations rarely dive beneath the surface.
• You show up, but you may not always make the other person feel truly valued.

If this resonates, ask yourself:

• What could I do to deepen this connection?
• Am I prioritizing time for meaningful conversations or shared experiences?

3. Truss Bridge: Functional but Limited

Is your relationship productive but transactional?

A truss bridge is strong and practical, but it’s not built for emotional connection. These relationships focus on getting things done—meeting deadlines, managing responsibilities—but they lack warmth, trust, or personal investment.

Do your actions reflect this?

• You set clear expectations and deliver results, but you may overlook appreciation.
• Your conversations are task-oriented, not relationship-focused.
• Empathy may take a back seat to efficiency.

If this sounds familiar, ask yourself:

• Am I focusing too much on tasks and not enough on connection?
• How can I add more belongingness or appreciation to this relationship?

4. Beam Bridge: Shallow and Fragile

Is your relationship barely holding together?

A beam bridge is simple and limited, designed only for light loads. These relationships feel shallow, with minimal trust or communication. Misunderstandings or frustrations are left unresolved, or not addressed at all leaving the bridge weak and unstable.

Do your actions reflect this?

• You communicate infrequently and often only when necessary.
• You rarely acknowledge or celebrate the other person’s contributions.
• You avoid addressing conflicts, letting cracks in the relationship grow.

If this describes your bridge, ask yourself:

• What behaviors have weakened this connection?
• Am I willing to take consistent, small steps to rebuild trust?

5. Rope Bridge: Weak and Precarious

Are your actions creating a relationship that feels unsafe or unstable?

A rope bridge sways dangerously with every step. It’s unreliable, and one wrong move could cause the entire structure to collapse. These relationships are marked by mistrust, poor communication, and a lack of effort to repair the damage.

Do your actions reflect this?

• You break promises or fail to follow through.
• You criticize more than you appreciate.
• You avoid listening or dismiss the other person’s concerns.

If this resonates, ask yourself:

• How can this bridge be strengthened?
• What specific actions can I take to rebuild trust and communication?

Assessing Your Bridges with the CABLES Model

Your behaviors determine the strength of every bridge you build. The CABLES model provides a framework to reflect on these behaviors and identify areas for improvement. These provide the opportunities to upgrade your bridges based on your behaviors.

Take an inventory of how well you model these six behaviors:

1. Consistency: Do you follow through on your commitments? Are you walking the talk?
2. Appreciation: Do you acknowledge others’ contributions regularly? Do you also appreciate people for who they are?
3. Belongingness: Do you create a sense of relatedness and connection?
4. Listening: Do you pay full attention, listening with curiosity and respect or do you listen more just to respond?
5. Empathy: Do you show genuine understanding and care for others’ feelings or situations?
6. Specifics: Do you set clear expectations and hold yourself and others accountable to those expectations?

Actionable Tip: Rate yourself from 1–5 on each behavior. Where do you excel? Where can you improve? Use your results as a roadmap for strengthening your bridges.

Building Stronger Bridges

If your self-reflection reveals cracks or weaknesses in your bridges, don’t despair—every bridge can be repaired with the right effort or upgraded to a stronger bridge type.

By focusing on the CABLES model, you can rebuild trust, deepen connections, and create relationships that are not only strong but inspiring and durable.

Start small:

• Show consistent appreciation.
• Take time to truly listen.
• Be clear about your expectations and follow through.

Every action you take to improve a behavior adds a plank, a cable, or a beam to your bridge, making it stronger and more resilient.

Your Call to Action

Ask yourself today:

• What type of bridge am I building in my relationships?
• Which CABLES behaviors do I need to strengthen?
• How can I take the first step toward creating stronger, more meaningful connections?

The strength of your bridges shapes the quality of your relationships—and the quality of your relationships shapes the quality of your life. Start building stronger bridges today.

You are the architect, engineer, and builder of your relationship bridges. The strength and type will be determined by your behaviors.