What two lockdowns has taught me about myself

2020, you son of a b*tch (2021 doesn’t seem to be starting out any better, might I add) though if I look back on the past 12 months, I have to admire the strength I’ve seen from so many people. We’ve all experienced a metaphorical kick in the teeth the past year, in one way or another but there has to be some good to come from such upheaval. So, I’m taking the time to reflect. To shine a light on some of the finer moments (and sometimes, not so fine), to hopefully mark this moment in time and really take in the lessons I’ve learnt about myself and others.

Lesson Number 1: Working from home is as I had hoped…sort of.

I have wanted a fully remote role for quite some time but making it a reality wasn’t as easy. This year, I was able to live out that dream and it was exactly as I imagined. AMAZING …in the beginning. I am happy as Larry working in my ‘loungewear’, eating leftovers rather than icky canteen food and getting my housework done between meetings. The only downside to lockdown home office, is when the workday is done, I still can’t leave the “office”. 

Finding a nice balance between working late on the couch and switching off with some Netflix, also while on the couch, wasn’t as easy. Home office is only great when you can still leave the house after work. I had to learn to switch off my work phone, close the laptop at reasonable times and even though Hubby and I work for the same company, stop work chat after hours. By the time the adidas campus reopened, I was keen for 1 day a week back in the office just to get some social interaction with real people and not just the screen.

The lesson here is 100% home office isn't as dreamy but 80% definitely is a keeper!

Lesson Number 2: Being away from home in a pandemic has its pros and cons.

We’ve all heard that we’re living in “unprecedented times” but for expats it’s even more extraordinary. We’re living through a scary time in world all while away from our family, our friends and removed from the world that feels familiar to us. For me, that means trying to find up to date German news in English to know what the current restrictions are, finding solace with other expats and forming our own community and trying to figure out when the hell I can get home next.

It’s been almost 2 years since I was last in Melbourne, and in 2020 alone my sister gave me another little nephew, my best friend had her first little girl, and more recently I lost a family member suddenly to cancer. Some days I struggle with being away more than others, so I guess you’re waiting for me to get to the pros of the situation… 

Well, here it is… Job security. So many people I know back home have lost work or their jobs completely over this time, and me… I’ve worked more this year than any other year in my career. And for that I am grateful.

The lesson here is being away from home doesn’t mean you’re missing out.

Lesson Number 3: I have more fight in me than I thought.

When I said, I’ve worked more this year than any other year in my career, I think I was understating it. For a solid 4 or 5-week period, I was working 12–13-hour days, 5 days a week and then occasionally on Saturday mornings. I was dreaming about work. Waking up in the night and remembering things I had to do the next day. It was all I thought about, talked about and dreamed about. Now that may have been a temporary, short period of craziness, we all have those, but the rest of the year was not much different. I had campaigns coming out the wazoo and nothing but time (because what else did I have to do in lockdown?).

I hate being idle. I’ve always thrived in a busy environment so I was up for the challenge. However, I knew I was at breaking point right before a trip to Ibiza (between lockdowns) when I started crying after a discussion with IT and them firmly telling me they couldn’t fix my laptop. This baddie doesn’t get emotional over a laptop. That’s when I knew it was time for a break and I had reached my capacity. Though as I look back at everything I’ve accomplished last year, I'm surprised I didn’t crack earlier. I have way more fight in me than I expected and I’m bloody proud of all the things I achieved in 2020. 

The lesson here is you’re stronger than you think and sometimes you just need a push to prove that to yourself. But also taking a break is totally okay!

Lesson Number 4: I’m more of a recluse than I thought.

Anyone who has met me in person knows I am not only a social butterfly, but I am loud, an extravert and overtly extra. I have always thrived on social interaction and being around others, particularly on weekends when I can switch off from the week and have fun. When that was all taken away from me, I thought I’d suffer most but I’ve actually enjoyed spending time with hubby away from people (though I'm not sure he’d say the same about me). Even between lockdown one and two when we were able to get out again, I was eager to leave the house but comfortable doing so alone.

In saying that, I do miss a ripper day at the pub with my mates (a classic Aussie statement if I’ve ever heard one). Don’t get this confused, I’m not becoming a homebody. I’m just astonished at how well I coped without weekly catch ups with my friends.

The lesson here is every week doesn’t have to be a party…. But it would be nice if it was! 

Lesson Number 5: I’ve become drawn to extraordinary people.

Whether it’s on social media or in person, 2020 has shown the true colours of some people in my life and I don't know about you, but I’ve been hitting that unfollow/block an awful lot. The upside is I’ve been drawn to so many amazing people this year. Particularly women who have stood their ground, shown their strength, overcome troubling times and persevered. 

I’ve changed my mind on people who I previously thought I didn’t particular relate to, bonded over common ground and befriended some of the most inspiring people I never knew before. I’ve seen the good in people. The strength in people. The fight in people. And after it all, I’m happy knowing I am now surrounded by people who will clap for me during my highs but help pick me up during my lows. To them I say thank you for helping me through 2020.

The lesson here is surround yourself with people who push you further not hold you back.

This year has been tough and rewarding, filled with disorder but shone a bright light, long yet so fast and as 2021 kicks off in a similar fashion, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.