What truly makes people happy?

Starting out in life, most of us chase happiness – a state of comfort and ease. We look for the perfect job, partner, car, house, friends, etc., only to feel increasing anxiety and depression in the pursuit of happiness. According to the father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, one shouldn’t pursue happiness, but meaning in one’s life. Meaning comes from belonging to and serving something, beyond yourself. The research also suggests that Seligman is onto something. Those with meaning and purpose in their lives tend to do better at school and work, are more resilient and live longer. So how can we live with more meaning?

In her best selling book, The Power of Meaning, Emily Esfahani Smith spent five years interviewing American’s about happiness and found it comes down to four pillars:

1. Belonging: People who feel a sense of belonging – in their families, organizations, schools, or elsewhere, believe life is more worth living. Being in relationships where you are valued for who you are, intrinsically and not a cheap form of belonging like what you believe in or who you hate. For example, when I visit my mother-in-law, she showers me with food, lots of it. I take it because I don’t want to reject her. When you see your family or friends, don’t make them feel invisible, look up from your phone and create a connection.
2. Purpose: Smith argues that purpose is fulfilling when it involves being selfless. It’s less about what you want, but what about what you give - healing sick people, raising your children, feeding stray dogs – it’s about using your strengths to help others. Usually this happens through work, and this is why it is essential to do something worthwhile, a larger drive to move you forward and serve others. 
3. Transcendence: The state of transcendence is when you feel connected to something bigger, a mental state of flow, with complete focus and engagement. This could be chanting at your local temple, seeing art, or gardening on a beautiful summer’s day. It’s important to lose yourself in whatever activity you choose.
4. Storytelling: The final pillar is about the story you tell yourself, about yourself. Smith says creating a narrative of your life gives you clarity, and helps you understand how you became you. Our life isn’t just a list of events; you can edit and retell your story even if the facts constrain you. People have negative narratives ‘my life was great, but now it’s bad after my accident’ – tend to be more anxious and depressed. People who live meaningful lives tend to define their stories by redemption and growth. You won’t change your story overnight but embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and, in turn, help you find the good that can sustain you.

While the research is American, Smith has drawn on multi-disciplines in psychology, philosophy, neuroscientist and literature to create four pillars of meaning that I found useful to help myself and others to derive more meaning out of their lives and have something to live for.