What About The Triumph Of Everyday Struggle?

Ready for another overused phrase? FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.

Despite the numerous quote boards and t-shirt slogans and art prints that have made it so that this phrase is beginning to really lose all meaning... it is among my favourite. Because when you are prepared to absorb and embody this notion of feeling the fear and doing it anyway, your life can change. As mine did.

In fact, this was CRUCIAL to me overcoming my social anxiety. Like, seriously - I thank this small but mighty notion every single day because it was only through this (in what's known as exposure therapy for anyone who wants to get technical) was I able to break the cycle of anxiety and fear.

My year of saying YES - willingly. No white-knuckling here - to situations that induced this fear in me, but throwing myself into them anyway was the real turning point. It's when life began to change. Because believe me (and anyone who struggles with anxiety will know) it's not any fun to feel terrified pretty much ALL. THE. TIME. For what appears to be NO. LOGICAL. REASON. It makes life pretty tough.

So now, as a confidence and success coach, I gently infuse my coaching with the encouragement that allows and EMPOWERS my clients to feel the fear and do it anyway. And for the most part, this really is where things begin to shift.

But here's the thing - I never want to be that coach who doesn't practice what they preach.

I never want to invite my clients to do one thing and do the opposite myself.

Is that a coach you would trust? Would you want to work with someone who hasn't experienced what you're experiencing, who doesn't know on a deeper level exactly how you FEEL and what you NEED and, on top of all that, doesn't even follow their own guidance?!

I wouldn't.

The psychotherapist who helps you through the trauma of an abusive relationship but stays in one themself? Hmm...

A doctor who helps you get fit an healthy so you don't become diabetic or left battling lung cancer but chain-smokes 40 cigs a day and lives on a diet of fast food? Yikes...

But you know what, there really isn't any judgement here because the truth is that helping someone else is EASY. Helping yourself is HARD. Catch me on a bad day (or week) and you may well think, 'Who the hell is she to think she can help me get my life in order, she's a MESS?' The reality is this...

We're all constantly growing and evolving. We're always met with new challenges to overcome, new goals to reach and obstacles to breakthrough. So even though I am a coach and I specialize in helping people build their self-esteem, their self-belief and find the confidence to chase their dreams relentlessly without fear or self-doubt... we can't eradicate these things completely. So yeah, I still experience the fear and I still experience self doubt.

But it's all about how we manage them.

So this is where I take the opportunity to share something with you that A) I would love for you to celebrate with me and B) shows that, as a coach, I will never ask you to 'do as I say, not as I do'... And I really do think that's incredibly important.

I have applied to do a TedX Talk.

Phwaaaar!

It feels crazy to write that! And I'll tell you for why. Firstly, it's TedX. I mean, no big deal right?! Who does she think she is?! But you know what, for the longest time that has been a big goal of mine. To speak on a TedX stage. To say that I am a TedX Speaker. And that's because I've got something I want to say. I have a message I want to share with the world that will help people. And what really has a larger audience these days than Ted?

(I recognize that Ted and TedX are quite different, but let me have this moment. Okay? ;P)

Secondly, this is me standing in my integrity and practicing what I preach. And that is not to try and receive any form of praise or recognition. I don't need it, and I wouldn't want my clients to need this external validation either.

I just want to share with you that, even just sending in my TedX application SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. Because despite being trained as an actress, and despite being happy as larry to stand up on stage and perform as a character, public speaking is something very very different. It induces that fear in me. I can feel the anxiety rise just THINKING about POTENTIALLY standing up and speaking on that stage.

But this is a dream of mine that I want to fulfill. And I can't fulfill it if I allow that fear (that used to stop me doing... well, anything really) to stop me from sending in that application.

I don't care if I get a spot on that stage. I'm happy to keep trying.

Did it take me over a week to fill in a tiny form? Yes

Did it take me over 2 hours to film a 1 minute intro video? Yes

Did I almost persuade myself out of it on numerous occasions? Uh, YAH!

And all of that is ok. Because of all of the stories we hear about people's journey's and their struggles, they can often feel like these little moments are not worth sharing.

But I know that when I was still struggling with social anxiety, perfectionism, fear of failure (and the rest)... it would have meant a lot for someone to say, "It took me a week to find the courage to make the phonecall" or "For the best part of a year, I didn't send that email"

So this isn't some elaborate story of triumph. I haven't even GOT THE SPOT yet!

But I am proud that I sent in the application in the first place. I am proud that while every fiber in my body is firing off and yelling at me ' THAT SOUNDS SCARY!' and 'WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT TO YOURSELF?' and 'WHAT IF YOU COCK IT UP?' ... that I sat down anyway, filled out the form, recorded the video and sent the damn thing regardless.

The reason I want to share this small moment in time with you is for the following reasons;

1) If you ever work with me, and I hope very much that you will one day (if you're in need of it, of course), you will feel confident in knowing that I follow my own advice. That any guidance I offer to you comes from a place of knowing, REALLY knowing, how it feels and what it's like when you step out of your comfort zone. And that I am STILL implementing the tools and techniques that I'll be preaching about until my vocal cords give out.

2) Sometimes 'feeling the fear and doing it anyway' can feel huge. Like gargantuan! But actually, it's the baby steps that matter. Every tiny step you take toward facing that fear, is a step forward. Every time you push yourself, even just a little bit, out of your comfort zone you learn to become accustomed to the discomfort - you start breaking the cycle of fear.

3) Those tiny steps, no matter how friggin small, must be CELEBRATED. So you apply for a job you really want? Celebrate. Will it suck if you don't get an interview, yup. Will it blow if you get the interview but then don't get the job, damn right. But in simply APPLYING you are teaching yourself to be daring. You are approaching the fear, rather than avoiding it. You are approaching the life you always wanted, rather than distancing yourself from it. Even the smallest of progress must be recognized if you're to KEEP GOING. When I first began my journey to anxiety recovery, I remember celebrating the fact that I made a phone call. The person didn't even pick up, I didn't even speak to anyone! But I dialed the number and let it ring, thinking that they would. THAT. WAS. HUGE. Do not ever dismiss the progress you make, no matter the size.

I think it's easy these days to hide behind smiling images and vague stories of success and happiness and not share the honest truth of reality.

I know what you're thinking, it's not like I am sharing some sort of deep trauma here. This story isn't as juicy as it could be.

But we can easily overlook the everyday challenges that we're faced with. We don't think a story is worth sharing unless it has a hundred twists and turns and makes us step back, aghast. Yet, when we're talking about making our lives BETTER for ourselves, there needs to be a focus on the every day struggles. There needs to be a focus on the little victories. There needs to be transparency, showing that even once you've reached a point where you feel in control, daring and worthy... applying to do a TedX Talk can still scare the shit out of you.

But hey, you did it. Right?

If you're celebrating a win recently, let me know in the comments below. I'd love to celebrate with you!

And, if you're ever in need of support and guidance from someone who has overcome their own anxieties and still to this day practices what they preach, just give me a shout.

~ Emma x

If you're interested in learning more about how I can help you, book yourself a a free call right HERE .