What "Tapes" are Playing in YOUR Head??

When I first got into meditation—and dedicated significant time to it—my mind slowed and quieted. It slowed and quieted just enough for me to begin to hear a kind of below-consciousness chatter that was going on all the time and that I had been unaware of. I was slow, the chatter seemed to say. I was stupid, it said. The message seemed to be that whatever I was doing, I was doing it wrong, or too slowly, or without the right amount of intelligent analyses to justify my every move.

I was shocked.

But among the various messages, the one that was the most consistent—and insistent—was that I was stupid.

I checked with a few of my siblings. When we were growing up, did you think I was stupid? No, the ones I consulted said. In fact, one said, I thought you were the smartest person in our family.

Now that really shocked me.

Because, you see, I grew up thinking I was stupid. I now know that this may have been because I was intuitive. In other words, my mind didn’t work the way other peoples’ minds seemed to work.?

But even though I had believed I was stupid, I hadn’t realized that my mind insisted on repeating that belief—over and over again.

After I spoke with my siblings, I let it rest. My parents were both gone. I couldn’t determine where that message had come from. But I began the work of cleaning up both my beliefs and my self-talk. Working especially to get rid of that particular judgment.

I go to a wedding

And then I went back to my home town for a wedding. At the end of the ceremony a family member who I hadn’t seen in five years crossed the center of the church, set in the round, and came straight up to me. Without any greeting or preamble, this family member said, “Were you cold during the ceremony?”

I was confused. Again, I hadn’t seen this person in five years. There was no hello, no, “How are you?” Just, “Were you cold during the ceremony?”

It was August, in the Midwest, and the church was very, very old, with retrofitted air conditioning ductwork snaking along the ceiling in strange formations. I said, “When the air conditioning was blowing on me, I was cold. So I put my scarf around my shoulders.”

The person leaned forward, their blue eyes focused right on me. They said, clearly enunciating every syllable, “Then you’re stupid.”

I was shocked. Then I burst out laughing. The person looked shocked in return, turned, and walked away.

This person told me that I was stupid twice more over the course of that day. Each time, I was shocked for a moment, then I burst out laughing. The second time, I saw fear come into their face and eyes. By the third time, their words, not having what I suppose was the desired effect, failed them. They literally looked panicked.

Were they crazy?

Now you may be thinking that this is all strange and that person must be crazy. I agree that it is strange but this person is what others might call a fine, upstanding citizen. They are a successful professional, respected by close family and friends and clients.?

Five years later, that person came up to me at the reception of yet another wedding. They asked another benign question and, when I answered, yes, they leaned in and, again, with great emphasis said, “Then you’re stupid.”

This time I didn’t laugh. I said, “You know, __________, where I live now, people don’t say those kinds of things to one another. We only say positive things to one another.”

Were they confused?

The person looked confused. Then they turned and walked away. I watched as, over the course of about an hour, the person sat at a table, alone, apparently bewildered, staring into space. After a while, they found me and said, “I should probably buy you a drink.”

I said, “That would be great!”

They went back to sit and stare. Then they must have gathered their family members and left. They never did buy that drink for me and we haven’t been in any kind of proximity since.

But I now know where the message that I was stupid came from. And I have deleted it from my mind’s internal playlist. I still see evidence that I don’t think the way the majority of those around me seem to think and I have the word “intuitive” to use to characterize the primary way I think.

I have decided that I am capable and that I have the intellectual capacity to do what I do. And that that is enough.

How about you??

Do you have old “tapes” of critical and judgmental opinions of yourself, your choices, your very being? Are you curious about what just-below-consciousness things your brain might be saying about you??

Tomorrow I am offering my monthly FREE online guided visualization Masterclass. Would you like to quiet your mind, even a little, slow your thoughts, and find out what tapes might be playing in your head?

So you can choose whether or not you want them playing. Because that's the power of conscious awareness. We may not have had a choice before, but we do now.

Guided Visualization Masterclass 12 noon MST Thursday, November 7, 2024: https://www.dhirubhai.net/posts/frangallaher_the-gift-of-guided-visualization-november-activity-7259930897934647296-dT8H?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop