What Is Success?

What Is Success?

In 1986, when I was 39 years old, I began to notice a terrible trend among my colleagues, college buddies and friends: divorce. This was happening in a variety of marriages – from the shaky to the apparently strong. Margaret and I didn’t think our relationship was in any kind of danger, but then again, we knew that many of our friends had thought their relationships were indestructible too. At the same time, my career was really taking off. And while I was enjoying the new challenges, I knew that I didn’t want to lose my family in the process. That prompted me to make one of my key life decisions: rewriting my definition of success. Instead of acclaim or advancement or achievement, I decided that for me,

Success means having those closest to me love and respect me the most.

This made success for me possible only if I included my wife and children in the journey. From that moment on, my success depended on putting my family first. If you want to truly succeed in this life, you need to ask yourself a question: Is your pursuit of success drawing you closer to - or farther from – the most important people in your life?

If you want to redefine success the way I did, here are some ways to put your decision into practice:

Determine your priorities.

How much of your calendar is devoted to your family and/or close friends? On your budget and to-do list, where do you write in your loved ones? No relationship can survive for long on leftovers. Early in my career, I focused so much on work that I neglected Margaret.

After I realized this, I changed. I carved out time for her. I protected my day off. And we dedicated money in our budget to facilitate special times together. It’s been said that a lot can be learned about what a person values by examining two things: their calendar and their bank statement. They show where people spend their time and money. What do those things say about what YOU value?

Decide on your philosophy.

Once your loved ones are a priority, you have to decide together what you want your family to stand for. What values will you live out? For us, the bottom line was to cultivate and maintain:

Commitment to God,

Continual growth,

Common experiences,

Confidence in God, ourselves and others, and

Contributions to life.

This was my family’s list. I’m not suggesting that you adopt our philosophy. But I encourage you to take time together to list YOUR non-negotiables. Keep the list short so that you can remember and apply it.

Develop your problem-solving strategy.

I think a lot of people go into marriage expecting it to be easy. Maybe they’ve seen too many movies. Marriage isn’t easy. Family isn’t easy. Close friendships aren’t easy. The best plan is to expect problems, stay committed, and develop a strategy for getting through the rough times.

Talk to your loved ones about how you could improve your problem solving together. (NOTE: Do this during a calm time, not in the middle of a conflict!) Many problem-solving strategies exist, from family meetings to fair fighting rules. Use the ones that work for you. Just be sure that they foster and promote three things:

Better understanding,

Positive change, and

Growing relationships.

Deciding to redefine success, and acting on that decision, changed the trajectory of my life. Now, years later, I’m still married to the love of my life, both my kids are married with children (my grandangels!), and we all still enjoy spending time together. Wrapping my definition of success around those I love the most made the difference. And really, when you reach the end of your life, what will be most important to you? Dusty awards granted by acquaintances, or deep connection with those you love?

In order to have the success you desire, you must get intentional about where you spend your time and who you spend it with. The John Maxwell Team is a global organization of speakers, trainers, and coaches that is teaching and modeling leadership, intentionality, and success all over the world.

Click here to learn how you can join us.

Mohammad Khalid

Co-Owner at Xxessories | Driving customer-centric strategies and delivering exceptional value.

8 年

I liked your article specially this point..."Commitment to God" and i would like to add one more point "responsibilities towards god" or in other words God wants us to be responsible towards him, towards ourselves, towards society and towards mankind.

回复
Sunil Patil

Vice President R&D Technical Quality| FMCG| R&D| Ex-Kellogg's | Ex-Britannia| FMCG R&D| CFTRI-Alumni!

8 年

Great nugget... "Redefine the success around those who you love"....refreshing.....ultimately you leave legacy with the most you loved

回复
Sunny Lim

Entrepreneur | Mentor | Lifestyle Coach I ESCAPE the Rat Race and now I share with people how they can do it too. Time to take back control of your time and earning the income you deserve ????

8 年

Thank you for this article John C. Maxwell. Success is meaningless if you don't have your loved ones celebrating with you. Some times when we are too focus on achieving our success, we forgot the think about the people who support us. This is a great reminder that success is not only title, recognition or materials gain but it must include our loved ones who will be by our side celebrating the success.

回复
Hani Al Soufi

ISC2? CC, PRINCE2? & PSM? Certified Professional

8 年

Great post, thank you.

回复

要查看或添加评论,请登录

John C. Maxwell的更多文章

  • Change Your World - Book Tour

    Change Your World - Book Tour

    The following is an excerpt from the brand new book, Change Your World: How Anyone, Anywhere Can Make a Difference by…

    12 条评论
  • Live2Lead

    Live2Lead

    Over the past several months, as we’ve all negotiated and navigated our way through the Coronavirus pandemic, one thing…

    4 条评论
  • An Open Letter to All Veterans

    An Open Letter to All Veterans

    I want to take a moment and write to the women and men who make up the 18.2 million veterans in the United States of…

    18 条评论
  • Leading Edge: Developing Future Leaders

    Leading Edge: Developing Future Leaders

    Before my experience as an active member of The John Maxwell Team, many hours of my life were devoted to partnering…

    16 条评论
  • BECOME A COACH: The Six Fundamentals of Professional Coaching.

    BECOME A COACH: The Six Fundamentals of Professional Coaching.

    There’s never been a better time than now to become a coach. The self-improvement market continues to grow, and, by…

    34 条评论
  • The Leading Edge: Influence is the Way to Get Better

    The Leading Edge: Influence is the Way to Get Better

    By: Ray Popham Quite a few years back, an unassuming young man stood next to me in the buffet line at the conference…

    61 条评论
  • A Life of Value

    A Life of Value

    This post originally appeared on the John Maxwell Team blog. In 2013, Debi Markland found herself on a conference call.

    24 条评论
  • Working the Plan

    Working the Plan

    This post originally appeared on the John Maxwell Team blog. For 20 years, David Drewelow had been using John Maxwell’s…

    26 条评论
  • The Leading Edge: Leadership Qualities of a Super Coach

    The Leading Edge: Leadership Qualities of a Super Coach

    This post originally appeared on the John Maxwell Team blog. By Randy Wheeler, a certified John Maxwell Team coach…

    18 条评论
  • The Leading Edge: Leadership Level Generosity – Take the risk and give yourself away

    The Leading Edge: Leadership Level Generosity – Take the risk and give yourself away

    This post originally appeared on the John Maxwell Team blog. By Heather Manzano, certified John Maxwell Team coach…

    18 条评论

社区洞察

其他会员也浏览了