This is what stress does to us … EVERY DAY

20% of Americans experience anxiety. Over 75% of Americans have stress that impacts their physical health. And over 70% of Americans encounter stress that affects their mental wellness.

We’re talking about hundreds of millions of people here. Odds are, as a person reading this, you’re a part of this statistic. But that doesn’t mean you need to live your life as one.

Anxiety and stress overwhelm most of us. Every. Single. Day. Anxiety has its own agenda. We have our own agenda. And then there’s the agenda that comes about when we make compromises with our anxieties and stressors.

In this article, we’re going to visualize our own agendas. We’ll look at anxiety’s agenda and how it tries to distract us. And we’ll dissect the compromises and accommodations we “have to” make for stress.

At the end of this article, we’ll see that stress doesn’t just affect our day-to-day. It’s incredibly sneaky. It’ll control your mind to find acceptance, and even comfort, in the adjustments you make for this parasitic relationship you’ve come to embrace.

Let’s cut off this parasitic relationship. For good. One thought, one action, one day at a time. We’ll cap off the article with five recommendations to help eradicate our toxic relationship with anxiety and stress.

Now, let’s start off by looking at the agenda most of us want to setup for ourselves on a daily basis:

What YOU want to do

6 am – wake-up

6-7 am – self-care (meditation, exercise, etc.)

7-10:30 am – eat your frog (work on your biggest initiative/goal)

11-3 pm – network, ideate, drive your work forward

3-5 pm – “you” time for hobbies, outside interests

5-9 pm – quality time with family and friends

9-10 pm – wind down, read/meditate, go to bed

Overall, this is a PHENOMENAL day for you! You’re well-rested, active, and productive. Plus you can enjoy your work, your play, and your relationships FULLY and INTENTIONALLY.

Unfortunately, if you battle anxiety (or other stressors), you’ll face the constant fight with anxiety’s agenda:

What ANXIETY wants you to do

3 am – wake up, check the clock

4:30 am – wake up, check the clock

5 am – wake up, check the clock

5-9 am – restless, unable to go back to sleep, constantly thinking about what needs to get done for the day

9-12 pm – get lost in emails, fixated on “perfecting” your current project after dealing constantly with the new, flashy email that pops up on your screen

12-3 pm – regret all the time you wasted in the morning, day-dreaming about what you could have accomplished “by now”

3-5 pm – worry about closing the day and preparing for tomorrow, even though you’re a pile of papers, a trail of emails, and a missed deadline deep in the thick of things

5-8 pm – occupy your mind with unrelenting reflections on earlier interactions and what you could’ve done better throughout the day

8-10 pm – sit in sorrow as your mind succumbs to the pressures it puts on itself, wishing you could throw out your brain with yesterday’s trash

10-1 am – lay in bed, tossing and turning, without being able to actually “go to bed” due to overwhelming thoughts and fears about what tomorrow will bring

1 am – finally fall asleep, now that your thoughts have subsided. But don’t worry … 3 am is right around the corner …

Overall, this is a HORRIBLE day for you! You’re exhausted, depleted, and unproductive. You can’t possibly enjoy your work, your play, or your relationships because you’re too wrapped up in your thoughts, fears, and guilt. You aren’t able to get anything done, which only deepens your feelings of shame and helplessness.

This is exactly what anxiety wants for you. And if it had its day, every day, this is anxiety’s ideal day to force onto you.

As you battle anxiety, you’ll often find your days as follows … full of compromise and accommodation to an unwanted parasite:

What REALLY happens (the compromises you make)

5 am – wake up, check the clock, bombarded with thoughts about all that needs to get done that day

5:45 am – drift off to sleep, but a restless one at that (your thoughts still invade your subconscious and leave you in a half-sleep-half-awake state of mental paralysis)

6:45 am – wake-up

6:45-7:15 am – run through your morning routine of rampant thoughts, followed by worrying, proceeded by the bare-minimum self-care ritual you’ve developed to get yourself out of bed and out the door

7:30-9 am – mentally prepare your to-do list for the day, wonder how you’re going to fit everything in, with your thoughts racing as you spend 75 distracted minutes and 15 focused minutes on eating your biggest frog for the day

9-1 pm – bogged down by emails, meetings, and recurring thoughts that preoccupy your mind as you proceed throughout your day (disengaged from work and overly-engaged with your own thoughts)

1 pm – lunch break allows you to reset yourself, but it also makes you feel guilty about the work you’ve pushed to the side as a result of your consuming anxiety

1:30-3:30 pm – you hit your breakthrough! Your anxiety has subsided, you’re hitting a productivity high, and you feel unstoppable

3:30-5:30 pm – anxiety hits again. As you wrap up your day, you constantly think about the time you lost earlier in the day. And you’re worried about closing out the day and start thinking about what needs to get done later that night, and the following day, just to try and stay afloat with your work

6 pm – when you finally leave the office, your anxiety is in overdrive. You’re not comfortable with how the day closed, because you know you could have accomplished SO much more if your thoughts and fears didn’t consume you. Now you’re thinking about the work you need to do, tonight, to prepare for tomorrow morning’s meetings

6:30-8:30 pm – a mix of self-care (including exercise, reading … really anything to get your mind off of your “mind”), on-and-off worrying about what’s left to do for the day, and a rushed dinner

9-11 pm – full of distracted work efforts as you try to navigate your remaining anxieties and balance family/friend time. Often, the family time becomes as disengaged as your work efforts, as you’re physically present … but rarely mentally or emotionally available due to lingering thoughts

11-12:30 am – anxious thoughts progressively dwindle, eventually disappearing into the night sky as you fall asleep. Sometimes your anxieties, fears, and guilt overwhelm you until midnight, before putting themselves to rest. Other times, they give you a break and let you fall asleep a little easier, and earlier, than normal.

1 am – asleep 75% of the time. Thinking about the same, repetitive thoughts, over and over, without resolution, 25% of the time. Waiting for 5 am to roll-around again

Overall, this is a pretty normal day for you. Although you’re pretty drained overall, you’ve gotten used to the mental grind you put yourself through. You regret the fact that you weren’t nearly as productive as you could’ve been, but you’re glad that you were still able to produce something in the face of anxiety. You can’t fully enjoy your work, your play, or your relationships because you’re frequently consumed by your thoughts, fears, and guilt. Some days are better than others, but you continue to fight on.

You’ve gotten so used to this type of day, that you accept reality for what it is. You wish for a different reality, but aren’t sure how to get there.

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Well well well … it’s time to flip your reality on itself! Let’s do it :)

All of us have the potential to live the first day. The “what YOU want to do” day. The truth is, whether it’s due to anxiety, general stress, or conflicting obligations, very few of us live in this day consistently. It’s the “ideal day” that seems to evade us.

Some people live in the second day. The “what ANXIETY wants you to do” day. Anxiety overwhelms them. It’s the silent plague that either keeps its victims silent or keeps them immobile. Most of the time, it does both.

Many people live the third day. Over and over. It may as well be “Groundhog Day.” But for our purposes, it’s the “what REALLY happens” day. The compromises we make to accommodate for anxiety, for the real world, and for others. But ultimately, there comes a point where we realize that we’re compromising ourselves. We’re compromising our talents. Our passions. And, worst of all, the impact that we make on the world.

Each of these days is generalized. I can’t argue with you there. However, the comparison still holds true. Many of us desire the “what you want to do” day, but revert to the “what really happens day” because of fear, anxiety, and overwhelm.

The truth is, we fluctuate between all three of these days. I’m sure many of us have four, five, and even forty different types of days. And beyond that, I’m positive that we have hundreds, if not thousands, of hybrid days.

No day is perfect, and each day is its own unique blessing. Accept the blessing. Let yourself embrace the day for what it is.

For my anxious brothers and sisters, I want to provide you with five recommendations that can help you destroy the “what anxiety wants you to do” day, optimize the “what really happens” day, and experience the “what you want to do” day a little more often:

1) Schedule time for your anxiety.

This sounds extremely weird. But read me out. If you intentionally schedule a half-hour, each day, dedicated to addressing your anxiety, you can help fight-off your frequent bouts of stress. When you’re feeling anxious, you can remind yourself that your “anxious time” isn’t schedule until later. Then, you can reassure yourself that you’ll address the issue during that allocated time window. Finally, you MUST decide, then and there, to move on with what you’re doing and to reassess your anxiety during the allotted time.

More often than not, you’ll forget about your overwhelming stress for the next few hours. You may forget it entirely, which means you’ll ultimately use your “anxiety window” to wonder why you got so worked up earlier in the day. Then you can laugh, forgive yourself, and keep moving on :) “Moving on” is the key – move on from your present stress, move on from your scheduled anxiety time, and let your momentum keep the ball rolling!

Fair warning – this technique won’t always work. There will be times where anxiety and stress paralyze you for hours at a time. But, over time, you can use this technique to help mitigate anxiety’s grasp on you. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. And this technique will certainly enhance your endurance :)

2) Give yourself G.R.A.C.E.

Gratitude – take a second to think about something you’re grateful for.

Reassurance – remind yourself that your anxious state is temporary.

Action – do something immediately to shift your thoughts/focus.

Creation – create a narrative where you can use your anxious energy for good.

Evaluation – ask yourself if your situation is life-and-death. In the 99% of cases that it isn’t, allow yourself to take a breath, reorient your perspective, and continue on with your non-life-threatening task. It helps put things in perspective :)

Ultimately, G.R.A.C.E. will transition your focus from your present anxiety to something that’s substantially more meaningful and intentional.

3) Share your anxiety.

Talk about it. With a friend, colleague, or mentor. If talking isn’t your forte, find another way to express it. Writing and exercising are two phenomenal ways to express your stress.

Share your anxiety with others. Trust me, it’s not sharing a burden. Rather, it’s creating an environment where you can identify your anxiety, hash it out, and move on with your day. Sharing truly is caring, and the more you share, the more you’ll realize that people care about you and your journey in battling stress. There’s power in numbers :)

4) Know when to calm down … and when NOT to calm down.

Most of the time, it’s crucial to calm down your thoughts, fears, and reactions when anxiety and stress rear their ugly heads. However, anxiety carries an incredible amount of energy with it. When you’re able to unleash the energy associated with stress and anxiety towards a fruitful end, that’s precisely when you should “work yourself up” (instead of “calming down”).

Now, this requires high levels of discernment and self-awareness, but the more frequently you positively channel your anxious energy, the better you’ll become at turning stress against itself. And not only that, but you’ll allow yourself to use it advantageously when the appropriate moment comes. This point builds off of the “Creation” component of G.R.A.C.E., and it’s powerful enough to stand on its own :)

You have control over the narrative you tell yourself. So why not develop a narrative that empowers you to use your anxious energy for good? Just try it – you might surprise yourself :)

5) Forget the bad days.

You’re going to have bad days. Learn from them and move on. Most importantly, you need to forget about them. Anxiety breeds on regret and shame. The longer you live in the past, the more parasitic your anxiety becomes. Accept the bad days for what they are, adapt your mindset accordingly, and keep moving forward. The more you look back at anxiety and stress, the more frequent your current and future days will resemble your past. Stop. Looking. Back. And move forward :)

With these five tips, you can transform your parasitic relationship with stress into a fruitful partnership between your mind and soul.

How do you deal with anxiety and stress? I’d love to read about your daily agenda, your “stress hacks,” and your wellness goals in the comments below :)

Source: https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/stress/related/stress-statistics/#gref