What Stories Are You Telling Yourself?

Welcome to the 2nd edition of our newsletter.

This will be a series where we understand the power of our thoughts and how to turn it around for our success.

Whether you are conscious of it or not, somewhere along the way you will have developed your own life story in your mind. This story provides a unique insight into your subconscious mind – including your ambitions, desires, and fears. ???

Our connection with storytelling begins from childhood, and it continues long into adulthood. From giving meaning to past events, to modifying and taking out things that don’t fully match our narrative, the stories we tell ourselves can have a huge impact on our lives.

?So, what are the stories we tell ourselves and why are they so important? Let's dive right in.

What Do Stories Mean?

Stories are the things that you tell yourself over the course of your life. They are often based on assumptions, though there can be some truth behind them. In essence, you are basically living in a thought-driven reality.

Your experience in the world is determined by your thoughts. These thoughts impact the way that you feel, and in turn the choices you make.

We all have different experiences in life, and these contribute to personalized thought patterns, behaviors, and beliefs. These thought patterns cause us to live in our own personalized world, as we navigate life based upon the stories in our mind.

So, what do these stories look like? Common examples of stories you may tell yourself each day include:

“I’m just not good enough.”

“I’ll may not succeed in this venture.”

“I’m not good at this.”

“I should give up since it's not working out.”

You’ll see that there is a pattern here. Most of the stories we tell ourselves on a daily basis are negative. The mind tends to cling on to negativity much more than it does to positivity. However, there are positive examples too. These include:

“I’ve got nothing to lose by giving this a try.”

“If they can do it, so can I.”

“I will work this out.”

"I can learn from this failure."

If you have a more positive mindset, you are going to tell yourself more positive stories. If you’re stuck in a negative mindset on the other hand, your stories will be mostly negative too.

The stories you tell yourself are basically the thoughts that you have throughout the day. This is called Internal Monologue. But where does this come from?

Why We Have an Internal Monologue

Our internal monologue is partly controlled by a type of brain signal known as corollary discharge. Its purpose is to help you identify the different sensory experiences that occur internally and externally.

This signal helps you to hear your voice as you think, blocking out external stimuli. You can also use it to organize your thoughts when you can’t speak out loud.

Another purpose for our internal monologue is to use it to answer questions that we ask ourselves. It can help to identify potential solutions to the problems we face, or make them sound worse depending upon whether you have a positive or negative inner monologue.

These are some of the main reasons why we have that inner voice, and how it can help in our daily lives.

Does Everyone Have an Inner Monologue?

While most of us do have an inner monologue, not everybody hears their own voice or has an inner narrator. There is a theory that it could be down to how the dorsal stream develops. This is basically the language tract within the brain.

If you can’t hear your inner voice, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t have an internal monologue. Rather than hearing your monologue, you may see it instead. An example would be rather than hearing your to-do list, you might be able to see it as a picture in your mind instead.

For most people, their inner monologue is something they can hear. However, it’s important to realize that not everybody does have one, and some may experience it a little differently than others.

So, why does our inner monologue matter and what kind of power can our stories have over our lives?

Why Are the Stories We Tell Ourselves Important?

The stories we tell ourselves are important because they control how we live our lives. They also impact how we see ourselves and the experiences we have. Let’s look at some of the main reasons why the stories we tell ourselves are important.

Stories Can Cloud Our Judgement

Most often than not, the stories we tell ourselves are not fully true. They are based on our assumptions and beliefs that we have developed throughout the course of our lives. If you believe these half-truths, it’s going to severely cloud your judgement.

You will make decisions based upon what you believe to be true rather than what is actually true. Stories can cause us to become ingrained in our thought patterns, making it difficult to see different points of view.

If your judgement is clouded, you won’t always make the best decisions.

Stop Us from Going After Opportunities

One of the more harmful effects of listening to the stories we tell ourselves, is that they stop us from going after opportunities. It could be that you don’t seek out promotion opportunities because you feel you are not good enough. Or you may miss out on life experiences because you are not confident enough to step out of your comfort zone.

If you don’t take advantage of the opportunities that come your way, your quality of life is going to suffer. You won’t move forward; instead, you’ll be stuck right where you are now.

They Wreak Havoc on Our Mental Health

Mental health issues affect over one billion people worldwide. It’s amazing to think that a lot of these issues could be down to the stories we tell ourselves.

If you are constantly narrating negative stories in your head, it’s going to increase stress, trigger anxiety, and possibly lead to depression. When you are struggling with your mental health, it’s difficult to live a life of contentment.?

They Can Damage Our Relationships

Another reason the stories we tell ourselves are important is because they can damage our relationships. You may feel like your partner dislikes you, or that your friends find you annoying.

This in turn could lead to you viewing your relationships in a more negative light. You may withdraw from your social circle or begin to resent people in your life due to how you think they view you.

If you want strong, healthy relationships, you’ll need to be mindful of the stories you tell yourself.

They Impact Our Physical Health

It isn’t just your mental health that is impacted by the stories you tell yourself. Your physical health also take a hit if you are constantly negative.

Negative stories can increase the amount of stress that we feel. Too much stress is known to drastically impact our health and wellbeing. It affects your relationships, sleep, anxiety levels, and even impact your life expectancy.

By focusing on more positive stories, it helps to strengthen the immune system, eliminate stress, and protect both your mental and physical health.

Stories Impact Our Future

The things you tell yourself will have a huge impact on your future. They can affect the type of job you do, who you surround yourself with, how you spend money, and the places you go.

Practically every part of your future is determined by the stories you are telling yourself right now. While that can be a scary thought, the good news is you can always change the stories narrated inside your head. This means you ultimately have power over how your future goes.

Real Life versus a Story Life

If the way that you feel and act is controlled by the stories you tell yourself, how do you know what is real and what isn’t? This can be a huge challenge for those looking to switch from a negative mindset to a more positive one.

The trouble with stories is that we often take them as fact. That is, you don’t recognize them as being false, or something your mind made up. This can make it a lot trickier to identify what is real and what isn’t.

If you’re looking to distinguish between reality and fiction, there are some things you can pay attention to. Here, we will look at the difference between real life and story life, and the key ways to start living in reality rather than a distorted storyline made up in your mind.

What Is Real Life versus Story Life?

Real life relates to things that are actually happening. Story life on the other hand, refers to what you perceive is happening. So, it’s facts verses perception.

Your story life can reflect real life, but mostly in bits and pieces. So, you’ll have a glimpse of reality, but your story influences how you see the world and the people around you.

If you are living a real life, it means you don’t let your inner narrator dictate what you think or feel. You are aware of it, but you can separate it from the truth. People living a real life know who they are, and they live purposefully and happier.

If you are living a story life, you are led by your thoughts and emotions rather than facts. It means you don’t have control over your thoughts and feelings, so they tend to dictate how your life goes. People living a story life usually are not content with what they have or who they are.

So how can you tell if you are living a real or a story life? Here’s a few signs to watch out for.

Fact Checking Your Story

To discover if you are currently living a story life, check the facts. How accurate is your story really? If it tells you that you aren’t good enough, what are the facts to back that up?

Now, if you suffer with depression, or you are stuck in a negative story life, you might immediately think of the “facts” to support your theory. However, these facts often aren’t facts at all. Instead, they are an extension of your story.

What you will often find is that there are no solid facts to back up most of the negative stories you tell yourself. There may be an element of truth there, but no concrete evidence. If you can’t find the facts to back up your story, then you aren’t living in real life.

Observations versus Evaluations

In real life, you make observations about the things you around you. You’ll notice things as they are, forming an opinion based on fact. When you tell yourself a story, you’ll take a more evaluated approach.

Instead of just observing, you’ll create scenarios, opinions, thoughts, and feelings related to what you see. A story life goes much deeper than real life, often working on perceptions rather than what is actually going on.

Move Away from the Speculations

Another thing you’ll notice about stories is that they work on assumed scenarios. You will constantly think about things that haven’t occurred yet, often getting yourself anxious or stressed out over made up situations.

If you want to start living, really living, then you need to focus on the here and now, living in the present. Whenever you notice yourself going over an assumed event or scenario in your mind, stop. Remember to only focus your mind on what is happening right now.

The Power of Positive Stories

We have looked at the negative aspects of the stories you tell yourself. However, these stories can be used for good.

When narrated correctly, the stories you tell yourself can have a positive influence on your life. Just by switching the narrative of your story, you would enjoy these amazing benefits I've listed below.

Improved Confidence

While negative stories can tear down your confidence, positive ones can build it up. Repeating positive affirmations in your mind and talking positively about yourself will do wonders for your confidence and self-esteem. ?

Never Miss Another Opportunity

When your stories are positive, you’ll grab on to any opportunity that comes your way. Even if you are nervous about the opportunity, you’ll go after it anyway because you have sound self-belief. When you are willing to go after opportunities, you’ll get to achieve your goals and live a better and happier life.

Helping You to Be Your Own Personal Cheerleader

We all need someone in our corner to back us up. What if that someone could be you? The mind is a powerful thing – it can be your greatest ally or your worst enemy. When you follow a more positive narrative, your mind will soon start to fight your corner. ?

The beautiful thing about this is that when you are your own cheerleader, you don’t rely upon anyone else to make you happy. That gives you a lot of power over your life, and it also stops you from making poor decisions.

Healthier Relationships

If you want to strengthen your relationships, the stories you tell yourself are key. With positive stories, your relationships will flourish. There won’t be as many disagreements, you’ll feel happier about your connections, and you will have solid, healthy boundaries in place.

Improved Life Satisfaction

If your stories are positive, you are going to feel a lot more satisfied in life. You will see things in a completely different light, feeling calm and relaxed, rather than stressed out and sad. You will also be a lot more grateful for the things that you have, making you feel even more content.

Better Self-Control

When you fill the mind with negative stories, it leaves you feeling helpless. Positive stories on the other hand put you firmly back in the steering wheel of your life. You will have the self-belief and confidence to overcome your daily worries, and you won’t let the “what if’s” leave you feeling insecure or helpless. ?

Better Mental and Physical Health

When you tell yourself positive stories, it’s going to have a positive impact on your mental and physical health.

Mentally, it will help to build your confidence, reduce anxiety, and decrease the chance that you will fall into depression. Instead, you will feel happy, content, and fulfilled. You won’t spend time stressing about things that haven’t happened yet.

Your physical health will improve too. Positivity reduces stress. This is good for your cardiovascular health, reducing the risk of stroke, high blood pressure, and heart attack.

Studies have also shown that positive people live longer - that is there is a boost in their immunity.

Finally

Now you have a good idea of what the stories you tell yourself are and their impact on your life. Being able to separate between real and false stories will help you to avoid listening to those negative narratives and go after new opportunities.

In our next edition, we will look at how to permanently change these stories.

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Rooting for you!

Cheers

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