What are the stories we are telling ourselves about Psychological Safety?

As most of you know, one of my favorite topics is Psychological Safety. I continue to learn and embrace where, how, and why it does and does not work.

I recently attended a talk given by Malcolm Gladwell, and he spoke about Psychological Safety without actually using the term. He discussed how a woman had studied death row inmates in the US, and one thing they had in common was horrific childhoods. Imagine if those men and women had experienced Psychological Safety growing up. What a difference that might have made.

Some years ago, I watched a special by Michael Moore about inequity, and part of his show discussed prisons. In the US, prisons are harsh. More and more often, they are privately held and run, and as you can imagine, they cut every corner to save money, so inmates’ lives are far from physically and emotionally healthy.

Michael went to the Netherlands, where they were in the process of dismantling prisons for two reasons. One, they didn’t work, and two, they mostly didn’t need them anymore. On top of that, their prisons were very different. Prisoners were treated with respect and dignity and provided with support. They had their own rooms so that they could lock themselves in at night, allowing them to feel safe. These prisoners didn’t emerge from prison emotionally damaged and physically brutalized.

We tell ourselves stories that lead us to believe we are better than those who commit crimes, and thus they get what they deserve. What if we looked at it the other way around? What were the folks who committed crimes deprived of that led them to think crime was their only option? What stories are they telling themselves? Should we be telling ourselves different stories?

If prisoners had psychological safety from an early age, what difference could that have made? Without psychological safety growing up, things look different. I can speak to that myself; I didn’t have psychological safety growing up, but I had people in my family who loved me and helped me. Not everyone gets that option.

Another example that comes to mind is students. A study showed the following:

"Every year, over 1.2 million students drop out of high school in the United States alone. That’s a student every 26 seconds—or 7,000 a day."^[Miller, Tony. "Partnering for Education Reform." U.S. Department of Education. Accessed February 18, 2015.]

This made me think about Psychological Safety and what my stepchildren went through during their school years. One of my girls was bullied and didn’t feel safe at school, while my other stepdaughter found a group she could belong to and sailed through school. This was all before I learned about Psychological Safety, so at the time, I didn’t realize how much of a role it played in their two very different experiences.

One enjoyed inclusion and felt welcome; the other felt isolated and unwanted. My bullied stepdaughter dreamed of dropping out of school, while my other daughter loved school and wanted to get up and go every morning.

Inclusion is an important part of Psychological Safety, and without it, some of our most basic needs aren’t met in many situations. Humans, without Psychological Safety, are disadvantaged in many ways. Most people don’t even know or understand what Psychological Safety is or what it means to have it. I think there are many places where Psychological Safety/inclusion is failing, and in those places, problems arise—like in schools and prisons.

I see it in corporations all the time. The example of the very silent team tells a story about Psychological Safety. The question is, why don’t people feel safe to speak up? Can you guess?

I have also had the pleasure of being on a team or two where Psychological Safety was present. The flow and work of the team were nothing short of amazing. Often, knowing you’re psychologically safe opens doors you didn’t even know existed. I am extremely thankful for those positive times in my work life.

I think this topic should be taught from an early age and throughout life, because when we are young, we don’t discriminate; we don’t exclude by our very nature. If we could maintain that into adulthood, it would create amazing change in our world.

What stories are you telling yourself right now about your Psychological Safety?

• Samantha Sieverling Direction with Heart ??