WHAT IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR “NO”?

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“No” said Alice with her fascinating smile. Alongside her smile, the word and the style of “No” conveyed a powerful message.

“No” – the words of James were indeed indicative of his annoyance over the words of his employee. His ‘no’ indicated his anger and authority.

“No” said Sheela with a pleasant face. Her words clearly indicated that she was not in concurrence with the proposal.

“No” said Praveen to his mother as he was tired of studying for long hours. He didn’t want to accept the suggestion of his mother to study for a few more hours.

“No” said the grandfather to his grandson when he was offered a sweet dish. His consciousness of the sugar level in the body made him firm to take the stand.

“No” Vikram was unwilling to take the offer of his manager to come and work on the holiday even though he would get a good compensation. Vikram knew that he had to take a stand.

“No” Loganathan was unwilling to get a gift from one of the contractors as a gesture to the favour done to him in granting the contract. He didn’t want to compromise with his values.

“No” Srinidhi refused to take the offer at the interview for a lower position. She knew its long-term impact.

“No” The salesperson refused to take the lower cost for the product saying that he can’t sell below the minimum price.

“NO” has several faces and several meanings in several contexts. It acquires a contextual meaning at every given situation depending on the context and the dynamics of the event. Saying “No” is indeed the reflection of the power of choice exercised by an individual.

The source of “NO” could be fear, pain, sorrow, disappointment, disagreement. Confidentiality, weakness, courage, experience, wisdom, conviction, belief system or a value proposition. There could be several other reasons for the statement “NO.” For centuries, people have tried to experiment and use the “Power of NO.” ?“No is a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation to follow. You can truly answer someone’s request with a simple no” says Sharon E. Rainey. Though taking the decision to say “no” is a simple decision, the background exercise for taking this decision is indeed a demanding and difficult one.

Saying no should be a considered decision. It should never be a reaction to an input received from someone else. However, the speed with which one expresses, could vary depending on the previous knowledge, the emotional content, the practicability, the inner objectives of the event, the self-esteem and both the short-term and long-term consequences of the same. An adage says, “Say NO out of strength instead of YES out of weakness.”

“Only those who know who they are can say NO with grace” says Beatrice Barbazzeni. One need not say this out of any compulsion. “NO’ also need not be considered as a negative proposition by any individual; it could indeed be an outcome of the positivity lying in the core of the though nucleus of the person. Oftentimes, people think ‘how can I say no to him/her?’ ‘How can I disappoint the person and endanger a relationship?’ “How can I put him into discomfort by refusing.’ People feel sandwiched between emotions and decline to say ‘No,’ out of a sense of helplessness. It should indeed be possible to explain to the person concerned the right perspectives behind such decisions rather than conceding to compulsions and going through a suffering for long. “No” is often the definition of the healthy boundaries one draws to the self.

“No” is not an exhibition of arrogance and stubbornness always; it is an expression of self-love, self-worth and self-understanding. This is a result of the self-analysis of the individual after weighing the pros and cons of the emotional energy levels of the individual. Oftentimes, saying “no” due to compulsions robs the self out of its energy levels and acts as a catalyst to self-defeat, self-pity and self-contempt. Hence the choice of “No” had to be a considered decision reflecting the emotional and intellectual health of the individual concerned.

“People think focusing is about saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.” Said Steve Jobs. No doesn’t certainly reflect the individual in poor light. Any such feeling is baseless. Having stood by the choice of “No,’ the individual should never regret, lament, waste time and energy to walk back. It is said that “a healthy no is a reflection of your well-being.”

Daniel Kahnemann, the Nobel=prize winning psychologist remarked in one of his articles “No is the new yes.” It doesn’t bring shame, but it is an expression of the power of your conscience, intuition, gut and confidence in the self. Natasha Kolfmann, a business -consultant, writes in Forbes magazine “Knowing when to say no is one of the best ways you can guard and reclaim your time. As a leader, you set an example for your team, and when you are empowered enough to say no to something that might end up wasting your most valuable commodity, your team will too.”

“When you say, ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.” Says Paulo Coelho. This is an important advice to consider. Oftentimes, one tends to lose heavily both in life and in profession just by saying “yes.” No post-mortem could remedy such situations. “Psychology today” magazine in its June 23 issue observes “At times society teaches us the word “no” is impolite and inconsiderate. We feel more obligated to go along with things we honestly do not want to do in order to be socially accepted. Yet there are clear benefits to the word no. Saying no can create more mental health stability by helping with self-care and build your self-esteem and confidence by setting boundaries. Saying no may be a daunting thing to do, but there are ways to make the process a bit easier.” (Kosha Moore, therapist)

It is important to cultivate the habit and mindset for “considered choices” in life. It helps in culturing the mind and flowering with fragrance- the element of trust in the self. It often facilitates us “to be” than “to become.” Says Bryant McGill in his book “The great thing about life-the most magnificent thing about being these sentient human beings-is that we have been given the power of choice”.