What are some tips for getting along with your supervisor?

The term ‘getting along’ means different things to different people. It can mean that the relationship between the PhD student and supervisor, kind of works but the relationship is more about tolerance rather than a ‘hands on’ approach. Getting along can be interpreted as just requiring the supervisor to perform roles or doing just enough to avoid being considered incompetent. Many people consider their marriage relationship in terms of getting along, but how about the underlying chemistry which will stand up and fight when the going gets tough?

I posit that the PhD student should proactively either change their supervisor, or address the ‘getting along’ relationship. As the difficulty level increases during the PhD program (especially the 2nd half), a getting along approach will unlikely be enough for the PhD complete their doctorate.

There’s a reason why 50% of PhD students bail out and quit!

I have pragmatically noted this before in earlier answers, but a strong relationship constructed with a mix of both chemistry and trust is the only format which can stand the test of time, and serve to negate the increasing rigours of a PhD.

For the purposes of answering this question, I am assuming that getting along with your supervisor, translates into a relationship in which you are both comfortable and relaxed in each others company, and that you both trust each other to be truthful and open when engaged in discussions. A good way to test if your relationship is endowed with the right chemistry, is to ask yourself how natural would it be for the two of you to go out and hang out in a coffee shop.

Okay, let’s look at some tips…

I am assuming from the question, that we are looking at what the PhD student should do to ensure that the relationship is sustainable.

1). Do not take your supervisor for granted.

For example, when you receive written feedback, remember before you respond,to thank them for their support; this even if the quality of the support is questionable.

2). Show respect for your supervisor’s expertise.

If the written feedback is not clear, or if you simply do not understand it, it may your fault or it could be that the supervisor was not sufficiently specific. Regardless of where blame should be allocated, and as long as the relationship exists, you need to demonstrate respect. Do not be combative! For example, instead of replying “I don’t know what you mean”, rather you should respond such as “I’m not sure if I understand you correctly, but do you mean…?” This kind of infers that it’s your lack of understanding which is to blame, not their lack of clarity. This approach will be more likely to elicit more clarity.

3. Show respect for your supervisor’s time.

Never be late for a meeting, or even for an online interaction. If you’re late, it translates to… that your supervisor’s time is not valuable. If something unexpected happens (like a road accident), have the courtesy to at least message or call your supervisor to apologise and make alternative arrangements.

4). Communicate tactically.

Recently, one of my PhD students was attempting to construct the title and topic of the dissertation proposal; such can be one of the most challenging parts of a PhD. The supervisor stupidly replied to her submission… “it is too long”. That’s it, nothing else. The student contacted me in a panic… she didn’t have a clue what was meant. She was right of course. Was the wording too long, was the topic too vague or too general, or would it make the dissertation too long? It turned out he meant the latter. There are a 1000 ways this feedback could be interpreted. Her first inclination was to demand what the supervisor meant. I suggested that rather, she simply asks “how many words do you think would be appropriate?” This approach would motivate the supervisor to either indicate the appropriate number of words, or if “too long” referred to other issues, the opportunity to be more specific.

5). Prepare for discussion

This is really important. When you have a formal discussion in a closed setting, such as in an office, it’s unfair if you turn up just seeking tuition and advice. It’s your research, it’s your PhD… not theirs. How is laziness or lack of direction good for your relationship? You should come prepared with all the discussion points. Remember you are not his/her only PhD student, your supervisor may not be ‘up to speed’ on latest developments. You’re not the only one to have days when everything falls apart; supervisors have days like that too. Moreover, you should not only come with discussion points, you should also come up with some ideas and suggestions. It’s your PhD! If you proactively offer input (even if it’s no good), at least you are trying to contribute to the discussion and the relationship.

There are many tips out there which provide guidelines to getting along with your supervisor. There are 100s, if not 1000s of seriously talented writers on this forum who can offer excellent tips in terms of getting along with your supervisor. I ’m happy to offer some free advice, so please check out

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However, there’s a caveat to all the above five tips.

If you are asking about how to get along with your supervisor, it infers that you may not be getting along, or the relationship is not working, or that you are just getting along… and no more! Understand that you are heading like a lemming to join the 50% of PhD students who don’t make it. Either way, you need to seriously consider (a) revisiting your relationship and sitting down with your supervisor, thereby engaging in a frank and open discussion to see if the relationship can be strong and trusting enough to survive the PhD. Or, (b) terminate the relationship. The relationship either works or it doesn’t.

If you took a survey of a 100 PhD graduates, and asked them if they progressed through their PhD with one supervisor, in all likelihood, less than 10% would answer in the affirmative. It’s common to have different supervisors during a PhD program. While you may get away with just a ‘getting along’ relationship during the coursework and early milestone of the PhD, when you hit the dissertation proposal stage, you need to reconsider your relationship with your supervisor. It’s at this stage that most of my student clients first contacted me. Some of them had failed a course (or part thereof), and had to pay between $3000 to $4000 to retake it. If you have arrived at the dissertation proposal stage and you’re just ‘getting along’, it may be already too late. In my opinion, Chapter One of your dissertation proposal is one of the most critical milestones of your PhD. ‘Getting along’ may translate into “I’m quitting!”.

I’m going to stick my neck out here… I believe that relationship issues with the supervisor is the single biggest causation of falling down on the wrong side of the 50% statistics. I haven’t proved it (yet), but based on years of working with PhD students, and upon being contacted by them, the single most common issue concerned the student/supervisor relationship. If anybody has stats on this, please share with us.

Please don’t assume that I’m blaming the supervisor here, I’m not. It takes two to tango, right? In reality, who cares about who’s to blame, it’s such a futile exercise. The point is to identify relationship issues and proactively address them, either by fixing or abandoning the relationship. There’s no kind way to say it. It’s rare for a university to interfere and take action, they will assume everything’s okay. You are their customer, you’re paying the fees, you’re the consumer, so you have the right to determine if your relationship has the wherewithal to carry you over the finishing line.

So my biggest tip is… if you are ‘getting along’, do something right now… your PhD depends on it.

Take charge, take control, and delete the ‘getting along’ option.

Think about what it takes for two lovers for live together and enjoy a meaningful and successful partnership. Now transfer that same criteria into how you select your supervisor. In my opinion, if PhD students looked at their future supervisor as they would a future lifelong partner, the 50% failure rate would be cut at least in half. I can’t prove it, but I’m convinced it’s valid.

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Best tip for a PhD student… don’t ever, ever give up.

A big shout out to Quora for such an excellent platform.