What are some myths about Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a serious social problem that affects millions of people around the world. It is defined as a pattern of abusive behavior by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, or cohabitation. Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, economic, and spiritual abuse.

However, there are many myths and misconceptions about domestic violence that prevent people from understanding its causes, effects, and solutions. These myths can also create barriers for victims to seek help and for perpetrators to be held accountable. In this blog post, we will debunk some of the most common myths about domestic violence and provide some facts and resources to help you learn more about this issue.

Myth #1: Domestic violence is only physical.

Fact: Domestic violence is not only physical. It can also include emotional, psychological, sexual, economic, and spiritual abuse. Emotional abuse involves insults, threats, humiliation, isolation, and manipulation. Psychological abuse involves intimidation, coercion, gaslighting, and stalking. Sexual abuse involves rape, unwanted sexual contact, sexual harassment, and reproductive coercion. Economic abuse involves controlling the victim's finances, preventing them from working or studying, or sabotaging their career. Spiritual abuse involves using religion or beliefs to justify the abuse or to undermine the victim's faith or identity.

Physical abuse is certainly damaging and painful, but it is not the only form of abuse that can harm a person's health and well-being. All forms of abuse can have serious and long-lasting effects on the victim's mental, emotional, physical, and social health. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), victims of domestic violence are at higher risk of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), substance abuse, suicide, chronic pain, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), unwanted pregnancies, and injuries.

Myth #2: Domestic violence should stay behind closed doors.

Fact: Domestic violence is not a private family matter. It is a public health and human rights issue that affects everyone. Keeping domestic violence secret helps no one and harms everyone. It allows the abuse to continue and escalate over time. It also exposes children to violence and trauma that can affect their development and well-being. It incurs substantial costs to society in terms of health care, social services, law enforcement, and lost productivity. And it perpetuates a culture of violence that normalizes and tolerates abuse.

Domestic violence should never be ignored or minimized. It should always be taken seriously and addressed appropriately. If you witness or suspect domestic violence in your family or community, you have a responsibility to intervene or report it to the authorities. You can also support the victim by listening to them, believing them, validating their feelings, respecting their choices, offering them resources, and helping them plan for their safety. You can also educate yourself and others about domestic violence and challenge the myths and stereotypes that enable it.

Myth #3: Victims provoke their partners' violence.

Fact: Victims do not provoke their partners' violence. There is no excuse or justification for domestic violence. It is never the victim's fault. Domestic violence is a choice that the perpetrator makes to exert power and control over the victim. It is not caused by stress, anger, alcohol, drugs, jealousy, or any other external factor. It is not a result of poor communication or conflict resolution skills. It is not a sign of love or passion.

Blaming the victim for the abuse is a form of victim-blaming that shifts the responsibility from the perpetrator to the victim. It also implies that the victim can prevent or stop the abuse by changing their behavior or appeasing their partner. This is false and dangerous. The only person who can stop the abuse is the perpetrator. The only way to end domestic violence is to hold the perpetrator accountable for their actions and to provide them with appropriate interventions to change their abusive behavior.

Myth #4: Domestic violence only happens to certain people.

Fact: Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, education, income, sexual orientation, or marital status. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It affects people from all walks of life and all backgrounds. However, some people may face additional barriers or risks due to their social position or identity. For example, women are more likely than men to experience domestic violence and to suffer more severe consequences. People of color, immigrants, refugees, LGBTQ+ people, people with disabilities, and people living in poverty may face more discrimination, stigma, isolation, and lack of access to services and justice. These factors can make it harder for them to seek help and to escape the abuse. Domestic violence is not a personal problem. It is a social problem that is influenced by the larger systems and structures of power and oppression in our society. To prevent and end domestic violence, we need to address the root causes and the underlying factors that enable and perpetuate it. We need to challenge the norms and values that condone and justify violence against women and other marginalized groups. We need to promote equality, respect, and dignity for all people.

Myth #5: Domestic violence is easy to leave.

Fact: Domestic violence is not easy to leave. It is often very difficult and dangerous for victims to leave their abusive partners. There are many reasons why victims may stay in or return to abusive relationships. Some of these reasons include:

·???????Fear of retaliation or harm from the abuser or their allies.

·???????Love, hope, or loyalty to the abuser or the relationship.

·???????Shame, guilt, or self-blame for the abuse.

·???????Lack of financial resources, housing, transportation, or employment.

·???????Lack of social support, family, friends, or community.

·???????Lack of legal protection, immigration status, or custody rights.

·???????Lack of information, awareness, or access to services and resources

·????????Pressure from family, culture, religion, or society to stay or reconcile.

·???????Belief that the abuse will stop or change.

Leaving an abusive relationship is a complex and personal process that requires courage and support. It is not a one-time event but a series of steps that may take time and multiple attempts. The most dangerous time for a victim is when they attempt to leave the relationship or when the abuser discovers that they have made plans to leave. This is when the risk of homicide or serious injury is highest. Therefore, victims need to plan carefully and seek help from professionals and trusted people who can assist them with their safety and well-being.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, you are not alone. You are not to blame. You have the right to live free from violence and fear. You have the right to make your own decisions and choices. You have the right to seek help and support. There are many resources and services available to help you. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website at https://www.thehotline.org/ for confidential and free assistance 24/7. You can also contact your local domestic violence agency or shelter for more information and resources in your area.

Domestic violence is a serious and preventable problem that affects millions of people around the world. By debunking the myths and misconceptions about domestic violence, we can increase our understanding and awareness of this issue. By educating ourselves and others about domestic violence, we can challenge the norms and values that enable and perpetuate it. By supporting victims and survivors of domestic violence, we can empower them to heal and thrive. By holding perpetrators accountable for their actions, we can prevent further harm and violence. By working together as individuals and communities, we can create a safer and more peaceful world for everyone.

About the Author: Joseph Paul Manley is the Founding Principal Consultant for Risk Mitigation Technologies, LLC, an Independent Security Consulting, Expert Witness and Training practice with a focus on violence detection, prevention, response, and recovery. Paul is a retired Massachusetts Police Lieutenant, WVTS (Board-Certified Workplace Violence and Threat Specialist), CCIS (Certified Crisis Intervention Specialist), Verbal De-escalation Instructor, Security Expert, and Trainer.