What some call 'trying to help'? is actually hurtful

What some call 'trying to help' is actually hurtful

I don't think I'll ever get used to people coming into my DM's, claiming to have the cure for my health problems.


Having never examined my medical records, or having the slightest inkling how much I've invested financially, emotionally and the countless hours of research into solutions.


With none of that, you offer an oversimplified solution that fits your lens. Then suggest I'm dumb or something if I don't buy your explanation.


Sometimes I wonder if the constant invalidation of my experience under the guise of 'just trying to help', is as exhausting as the physical pain is.


I have shed countless tears and purged deep trauma from my body again and again. Guess what, my condition continues to decline.


People need to get it through their skulls that people with chronic illness exist, and people with disabilities exist.


It's arrogant, and hurtful to insist trauma or something emotional is always to blame. It's not.


I'm grateful for the trauma work I've done and I've found so much peace from it. It was the hardest work I've ever done.


It's work I'm committed to continue doing for the benefit of myself, my family and my ancestors. Anyone who takes the time to explore my writing will know without a doubt that I don't shy away from the deep work.


So don't come to me with a suggestion that my illness is the result of me not doing the work somehow.


As I write this, I'm realizing I feel angry because of how often I encounter this and feel like I need to prove to others I'm not faking this, or resigning myself to it without really trying.


I'm relentless in my pursuit for whatever it'll take to help me feel better. That's one reason I'm doing the deep trauma work.


I'm well aware, and very well educated on the connection between trauma and physical symptoms. I won't leave any stone unturned to feel better.


I don't mind people trying to help. I've been connected with many great resources that way.


I do mind the ego acting like it has a crystal ball empowering it with immaculate perception into my situation.


Thank you for reading and taking this into consideration.?

I've lost count of how many times I've heard "I'm only trying to help" in a whining/patronising tone, 99 times out of 100 it was either unhelpful, insulting or damright harmful!

Karla Pollock-Smith, MSW

Owner - Couples and Family Therapist at KPS Counseling

1 年

Such a great message, Brian!! I’m reposting it!

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