What is Socialization?
Human connection is an essential component of understanding the world, ourselves and the broader social landscape. It is a complicated concept that influences us not only socially, but our ability to achieve success and find meaning and fulfillment in our lives. In its simplest form, socialization can be seen as the process of learning and interacting with the norms and beliefs of our society. This constant exchange of influences between an individual and their surrounding social environment shapes our perspectives, our sense of self, and our ability to interact with the world around us.
This article delves into the concept of socialization from various angles, scrutinizing its definition, its role in our development, the potential drawbacks, and the significance of this process from the lens of one that on-paper “homeschools” and used to go to public school. While founding WEquil School and building WEquil App we have faced time and time again the concern of achieving socialization. We all want to feel connection, but what does that mean, and how can we achieve it while outside of the traditional system?
Understanding Socialization
The Definition of Socialization
The widely recognized definition of socialization goes something along the lines of “the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.” Socialization is the process by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a particular society or group. Through socialization, individuals learn the norms, customs, and social roles that are expected of them in society.
There is no objective outcome of socialization because it will differ depending on the time, norms and cultural expectations. This is why socialization is hard to measure or even understand given that there are many different environments and cultures around the world. Before the internet and connection of people around the globe it was a lot easier to know if your child was socialized because they could get along with those around them. Now, however, you must consider all the future environments and places they will need to operate within.
The Purpose of Socialization
Socialization is essential for the development of individuals and society as a whole. Through socialization, individuals learn to communicate, interact with others, and participate in social activities. It helps individuals develop a sense of identity and belonging, as well as understanding the expectations and norms of their society. These rules and expectations are important to allow humans to work together in large numbers but are not necessarily based on truth.
Humans are social mammals meaning that we crave emotional connection and acceptance from others. We are like lions, not tigers, and cannot be happy on our own. However, it is also important to consider what is true for ourselves and perhaps that will lead us away from the herd. In today's world one could argue that socialization is less important given that one can find financial freedom in other ways besides following the traditional path of working within a system.
But there is much evidence on the negative impacts of lacking the feeling of connection and acceptance such as the potential health consequences of social isolation and loneliness in older adults. Studies suggest that a lack of socialization in old age can lead to both physical and mental health problems, including heart disease, dementia, and depression.[1] Because of this socialization and human connection is important to consider when it comes to maintaining health and mental wellbeing.
While thinking differently and being an innovator is an important skill to learn, it goes very much against our natural course of action learned through evolution. If you weren’t compliant with the group, you were ostracized, and good luck surviving on your own. Today the purpose of socialization is still important. The fact that people around the world of many different cultures, ethnicities and races can all work together is an incredible feat. Learning to assimilate to the social expectations can allow us to all view each other as part of the same tribe. While some social norms may be arbitrary there are universal truths such as showing others respect and appreciation.
Becoming Socially Desirable
The most basic purpose of socialization is understanding universal truths and behaviors while interacting with others such as being respectful, kind, listening and showing interest towards others. At first children do not understand these things so it requires parents to inform them when certain behaviors are unacceptable. Jordan Peterson discusses how it should be parents utmost priority to ensure their kids are socially desirable by the age of four. This is because if they aren't, all goodwill expressed towards them will be a facade.
Social desirability doesn’t mean that everyone will like you or that you have to conform to society. It just means that people won’t despise being around you because you know basic etiquette and ways of interacting with others. There are many other ways socialization can help you beyond social desirability, but this is most fundamental.
Reactive vs Adaptive Socialization
While socialization is important to know how to work within an environment, the important caveat to consider is different and changing environments. I think there is a difference between being socialized to environments you are exposed to or immersed in, and being able to adapt and work within many different environments.
Reactive Socialization
Reactive socialization is a result of reacting to the situations that you've been exposed to. I think this is generally the first form of socialization that everyone starts with and will come first from your family and extend to your peers and other social circles. But if you have limited exposure then this type of socialization is not very generalizable and won’t work for you when you move into new environments.
Adaptive Socialization
Adaptive socialization starts out as reactive socialization and is built the more you're exposed to different environments and social cultures. Because of this you build the multi-purpose skill of being able to adapt to the social cultures, norms and expectations. There is no fine distinction between reactive and adaptive socialization, but rather it is on a spectrum depending on how much exposure you have.
Public School Socialization: My Experience
As I have met many homeschoolers and have experienced public school ourselves I’ve seen the value and downsides that public school can bring in the context of socialization. Specifically I find a lot of value in a structured environment during the elementary years to learn basic skills such as reading, writing, math but also following directions and working with others. I’m glad I went to public school during my early years and we have at times found it challenging coordinating with homeschoolers on doing group activities that require adhering to rules, being punctual and following directions.
This is definitely not to say that homeschooling cannot teach these skills, but that since you are enforcing these systems and skills yourself it requires much more discipline and intention. While in public school there was a lot of “socializing”. But a specific kind based on the hierarchy, environment and kids that I was interacting with. Public school taught me how to follow directions, respect authority, work with others and gave me exposure to lots of people. However, the environment was only made up of kids, and adults had very little influence on the social dynamics or one-on-one time with kids.
Public school provided me with lots of socialization, but only the type that allowed me to interact with kids my age. My father also had me talk with many adults in many other environments, but without that experience my time in public school would not have taught me how to do so. We are teaching kids how to socialize with each other while in public schools. But, this doesn’t teach how to present yourself professionally, introduce yourself to, and engage in meaningful discussions with adults. You may argue that these things aren’t as relevant to kids, but as kids grow up these skills increasingly will be.
I see much value in giving kids exposure to lots of different people. But this includes those of many different age groups which aren't provided in a traditional schooling environment. While I do see a lot of value in my public schooling experience there are some downsides that may come with socialization if you aren’t careful.
The Downsides of Socialization
Negative Peer Pressure
While of course socialization is important there are some negative consequences that may arise such as negative peer pressure. This is one of the most common negative impacts of socialization, especially during adolescent years. Individuals may feel compelled to conform to group norms, which may lead to risky behaviors or choices that they wouldn't make independently.
Conformity and Loss of Individuality
Socialization can sometimes overly stress the importance of conformity, discouraging individuals from expressing their unique identities or going against the norm. This can suppress creativity and independent thought.
Reactive Socialization
Another is isolated socialization where you may be participating in many social activities but in an isolated environment resulting in the Reactive Socialization I discussed earlier. Kids may be very adept at socializing with each other but unable to operate within a professional or more diverse circumstance.
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Social Media Pressures
In the digital age, socialization also includes interactions on social media. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy from comparing oneself to others. Especially when introducing objective measures of comparing oneself to others this can become very harmful if you aren’t careful.
Increased Anxiety and Stress
Socialization can lead to increased stress and anxiety, especially in those who have social anxiety or other related conditions. The pressure to fit in, conform to societal expectations, or maintain social relationships can be overwhelming. With access to so many different points of view from the internet it can lead to stress and anxiety of feeling as though there is no objective truth and not knowing where to get answers.
These negative downsides of socialization are in no means solely the result of public school. However, for homeschoolers much of the concern is more focused on getting enough socialization rather than too much in the wrong way.
Transition to Homeschooling: A Different Social Landscape
Of course, switching to homeschooling, especially amongst the pandemic was a very different experience. Engaging virtually resulted in less ability to read body language and facial expressions, but at the same time allowed for interactions with a more diverse set of people.
I think for younger kids it is really important to have in-person connection since much of socialization is built around organic play that is hard to do online. However, for older kids and adults, relationships center more around shared interests, values and goals. As more and more of the world is getting interconnected through the internet, knowing how to connect with others online is increasingly important.
When we first started homeschooling our family didn’t know any homeschoolers in our local area. So at first we were trying to keep up with our existing friends in public school. But once they went back to public school that wasn’t really possible anymore. Not only was it hard to keep in touch when you don't see each other every day, but much of what friends talk about is based on shared experiences in school.
Finding community as a homeschooler is hard, not only because you’re in a minority, but because it is a group of people that are all extreme in some way. Not necessarily in a bad way, but you have to be different enough from the norm to opt out of the traditional system. That might be that you are extremely passionate about your children's education, or that you have some extreme views.
What is especially hard is finding a consistent peer group. Of course there are meetups and social opportunities, but there are different kids showing up every time and it’s too easy to forget about keeping up relations. This leads to the concern of socialization, especially because you want to have a diverse set of people for your kids to interact with and it is really easy to unintentionally have a selection bias.
How to Ensure Proper Socialization
Because all homeschoolers are so different, you can get very different results. I have met those who are very socialized and incredibly respectful to everyone, as well as those who aren’t comfortable talking to anyone outside their family. But one thing is the same for all: that socialization must be a consistent and proactive effort. You are at home all day, and that means you are getting less exposure to others than those in public school. So unless you are making efforts to find socialization opportunities, you aren’t going to be getting enough.
While there are risks, there is also a lot of upside potential of not only providing adequate socialization, but also mitigating the risks and cultivating adaptive socialization. There are a few ways to do this and I am open to more suggestions on how to best do this.
Engaging With All Ages
The real world doesn’t only consist of those in your age group, so to be properly socialized it is reasonable to suggest that you should have the skill set to work with others older and younger than you. For children this includes working with other kids that are younger and older, as well as interacting with adults.
Consistent Peer Group
This can be hard for homeschoolers but is very important. Our application WEquil App is helping to solve this problem by providing rooms where families can set up micro schools and communities to coordinate with. You can learn more here: https://wequilapp.page.link/zmM4
Operating in Professional Settings
Considering the different contexts that you will have to operate within the world, professional settings will come up quite a bit. Learning to introduce yourself and connect within these situations is very important and comes with experience. For young people, having these experiences early can be very helpful in giving you a head start and advantage over your peers as well as developing adaptive socialization.
Integrating Virtual Environments
In the new age participating in virtual environments is becoming more and more prevalent and therefore important. Those who can collaborate effectively in these environments will not only be able to become more effective and well rounded, but also experience a diverse set of people from all around the world.
Understanding Yourself
Understanding yourself in context to other people is a big part of being socialized. It is incredibly hard to think about who you are objectively without contrasting it to others and how you differ from the norm. Knowing yourself is important so you can not only add value to the diversity of humanity, but also stay true to yourself while also working with others. This can also help you in understanding potential points of contention you may have with others based on how you are different.
Shared Principles, Not Shared Beliefs
While you don’t want to only engage with those that agree with you, there is a difference between shared principles and shared beliefs. You want to seek out others with differing points of view to learn how to engage with those you disagree with and also expand your perspective and paradigm. However, there may be valuable shared principles such as being respectful towards others and protecting each individual's freedom that can create a safe, uplifting and empowering environment. While these principles can be helpful in providing a space for young people to flourish, it is always important to be critical of the selection biases you may have. Since you have so much control over who you engage with it’s important to ensure you are maintaining diversity.
Conclusion
The concept of socialization, in essence, forms a significant part of our growth, development, and our overall understanding of the world around us. It's an intricate network of interactions and experiences that shape our worldview, our beliefs, our attitudes, and our approach to life's challenges. As this article has explored, socialization is a deeply influential factor that impacts individuals in a multitude of ways, both positive and negative.
Through the lens of someone who has experienced both public schooling and homeschooling, it's evident that each provides a unique environment for socialization. While public schools offer an array of social experiences, including peer interactions, conformity, and engagement with authority figures, they can sometimes lack the diversity of age and experiences. On the other hand, homeschooling, although faced with challenges, opens the possibility of rich, varied social interactions that extend beyond one's age group.
However, as homeschoolers socialization is not an automatic process but requires consistent and proactive effort. Whether it involves engaging with all age groups, integrating virtual environments, operating in professional settings, understanding oneself, or connecting around shared interests and principles, socialization must be approached with a sense of intention and awareness.
As we move towards an increasingly interconnected world, the scope of socialization is expanding. Interacting with people around the world, connecting around shared interests, building relationships with those who wish to see you grow, and building a community with a constructive purpose has become the new norm. It is up to us to make the most of these opportunities and strive for an adaptive form of socialization that will enable us to be effective and well-rounded individuals.
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