What Social Media Eventually Does to Our Egos

At some point in time – without us really knowing it - we’ve all signed a secret covenant without really knowing it. This secret agreement stipulates that we all share every minute detail of our daily lives online in the form of either status updates, images, or voice notes to our friends. We’ve all become so accustomed to doing this, that we rarely give it a second thought.

It is now very common for us to go through our Facebooks several times a day, liking things, commenting on things, and sharing our own fair share of ideas and opinions. What becomes really interesting is the increasing way in which we’re sharing. With selfies taking over the online world like wildfire, it is not uncommon to go through someone’s Facebook or Instagram and find – lo and behold – a whole bunch of selfies.

We’ve alluded to this notion of Selfie Culture in one of our earlier pieces and completely understand the power behind this form of picture-taking. After all, this is what we do. We create hype and awareness around brands through social media. So trust us, we get it.

What we’re referring to here is something else. In the business world, the motive is clear. The bottom line is there, the product or service is there, and all you need to do is get the word out. And turn the brand into a household name, engaging the client’s stakeholders. And thanks to the myriad social networking sites – and tools – we now have at our disposal, doing so has become a lot easier.

We’re talking about the average Joe or Joe-ess that feel the need to share 6 or 7 daily selfies with the world. Only to spend the rest of the day checking their various profiles to find out how many likes, comments, or shares s/he got. Why do we now feel the need to do that? What sort of validation do we get from that onslaught of attention? And where do we draw the line?

Narcissism vs. Self-Esteem

There’s nothing more captivating than a confident person. Boy or girl. Tall or short. Chubby or stick-thin. Confidence is just a very compelling human quality that magically overshadows any of the flaws that may be present in a person’s physique or personality. Lucky are those who are confident. And they surely know themselves – and let the world know it, too.

But back to social media. How can you tell if someone's a little too confident or just downright narcissistic? Where is the line drawn? And how can we make sure we don’t cross it ourselves? Hopefully, this Psychology Today article will help lift the mirage. (We've used an abbreviated form of the article. For the full piece, please click here)

Facebook is a multi-edged sword riddled with many paradoxes. On the one hand, Facebook builds social connectivity...but it also isolates people and creates situations where we are “alone together.” Facebook can build self-esteem in a healthy way...but it can also fuel narcissistic personality traits. Facebook can fortify friendships...but it can also destroy relationships. The list goes on and on.

People of every generation are struggling to navigate how to incorporate social media into our lives in a healthy way. This is uncharted territory. There is a steady stream of psychological research being released about the impact of Facebook and Twitter on our psyche and our relationships. A June 2013 study from the University of Missouri found that “Excessive Facebook Use Can Damage Relationships.”

Another University of Michigan study found that social media reflects and amplifies our culture’s growing levels of narcissism. According to lead author Elliot Panek, “the study shows that narcissistic college students and their adult counterparts use social media in different ways to boost their egos and control others' perceptions of them. "It's important to analyze how often social media users actually post updates on sites, along with how much time they spend reading the posts and comments of others," he said.

Panek says of Facebook, "It's about curating your own image, how you are seen, and also checking on how others respond to this image. Middle-aged adults usually have already formed their social selves, and they use social media to gain approval from those who are already in their social circles." For narcissistic college students, the social media tool of choice is the megaphone of Twitter according to Panek.

Conclusion: It’s a thin line between self-esteem and narcissism.

The flip side of all the narcissitic aspects of Facebook is that it can make us feel good about ourselves in a healthy way. Research from the University of Georgia found that people who spent time on their Facebook page scored higher on self-esteem. "Despite the name 'social networks,' much user activity on networking sites is self-focused," said Brittany Gentile, a UGA doctoral candidate who looked at the effects of social networks on self-esteem and narcissism.

According to the UGA research published in 2012 in the journal Computers in Human Behavior, the 526 million people who log on to Facebook every day may be boosting their self-esteem in the process. "Editing yourself and constructing yourself on these social networking sites, even for a short period of time, seems to have an effect on how you see yourself," said Keith Campbell, who heads the department of psychology at UGA and co-authored the book "The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement.”

"Social networking sites are a product and a cause of a society that is self-absorbed," Campbell said. "Narcissism and self-esteem began to rise in the 1980s. Because Facebook came on the scene only seven years ago, it wasn't the original cause of the increases. It may be just another enforcer." Social networking should not be seen as an answer to building self-esteem, he said, but the fact that people may get a jolt when logging on doesn't mean they should stop either.

"Ideally, you get self-esteem from having strong relationships and achieving goals that are reasonable and age-appropriate," Campbell said. "Ideally, self-esteem is not something you should take a shortcut to find. It is a consequence of a good life, not something you chase."

How about that for a wonderful conclusion? Exactly how we see it. Social media is a tool and a means, not an end. We use it to express ourselves, be heard, and share and comment on the things that mean a lot to us. Just like anything else in the world, it’s a double-edged sword to be used with caution. So post away, but do so consciously.