What Social Media Doesn’t Tell You About Success When You’re Comparing Yourself to Others

There are aspects of social media that are becoming a big turn off for many people and two articles I recently read, highlight how much fakery and false pretence exists on some social media platforms.

The first was a blog post about Facebook fakery and how it is affecting our mental health and businesses.  The second was an article featured in the Daily Mail about one woman’s experience when she became a nervous wreck, four months after joining a popular MLM company. We often see attention grabbing posts on social media about the fabulous lifestyle that you can have working for these companies.

On social media we see all the glamour, we see all the hype but this is not a balanced reflection of how life really is because we often don’t see the struggle behind the success.

Now don’t get me wrong, I would hate social media to become like some of the British soaps have become, full of the doom and gloom and misery affecting the characters’ lives.  But social media is rife with egotism and it seems to be on the increase

At a time where the world is becoming more selfish than selfless, all this focus on individual success can be deflating for those that are struggling.

Yes, it is good to see people achieve success and have something to aspire to.  But without an understanding of the journey it took for them to get there, for anyone struggling to achieve their career, business and life goals, feelings of failure and not being good enough can arise. This is particularly so if it is taking them a long time to get there. 

If you are the kind of person who compares yourself to the claims of success by others on social media and in doing so, you put yourself down, here are 3 reminders to help you remember why this isn’t such a good thing for you to do.  

You don’t know what lies beneath the surface

When you compare yourself to others and then belittle yourself in the process, you don’t know what lies beneath the surface of the person you are comparing yourself with.  You don’t know their struggles and insecurities (and chances are they do have struggles and insecurities). You don’t know the effort, determination and perseverance that it has taken for them to get there.

An analogy I often use with my clients is that of their ideal car.  Imagine you pass your ideal car in the street and it is looking pristine. It is clean and polished and looks nice and appealing.  However, you don’t know what lies beneath the bonnet. 

You don’t know the state of the engine.  You don’t know whether or not the brakes are working.  You don’t know if you were to get behind the wheel, whether or not it would be able to start.  Just like you don’t know what the person you’re comparing yourself to has got going on for them.

All you see is what is on the surface. And that surface view may not be giving you a true and accurate picture of what their reality is.

You have your own strengths, talents, skills and qualities

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of our strengths, our skills, our talents and our qualities. When you are comparing yourself to the claims of success other people make on social media, it is easy to lose sight of your own strengths if things aren’t going the way you want them to.  

Looking at what they’ve achieved and comparing it to what you haven’t achieved is not going to make you feel good about yourself. Look to others for inspiration and to learn from, but don’t compare yourself to others and put yourself down in the process.

When you find yourself making comparisons to someone else, remind yourself of your strengths, your good qualities and your personal successes and achievements.  And remember, there are some things you are good at, some things you aren’t good at and that is ok.  

You are uniquely and wonderfully made and will never be anyone else, just like no one else can be you. So to compare yourself to someone who has their own set of strengths, skills, talents and qualities is a bit like comparing chalk and cheese.

Social media is a breeding ground for narcissist behaviour

Social media is the ideal platform for narcissist behaviour to rear its head. It is also a platform where people can easily exaggerate their reality.

Did you know that bragging is said to arouse the same sensations of pleasure that we get from food, money and sex?   How do you know that those who you are comparing yourself to aren’t bragging for the pleasure and the attention they get from it?  How do you know that they are not simply feeding their narcissism?

On social media people can big themselves up and present a glamorous front when their reality may be nothing like what they portray.

Comparing yourself to the bragging and boasting claims made on social media and putting yourself down because you don’t think you’re as good is not helping you.  Plus, you don’t necessarily have the full picture of what is going on for the individuals concerned.  Instead, be thankful that you do not feel the need to seek validation in that way.

What do you think?

ABOUT ME:

I am a Personal Development, Career, Business Coach, Writer, Speaker, UK top 50 Business Adviser and the founder of Abounding Solutions. I help women to be authentic, bold, confident leaders  and excel in their careers and businesses. I also help organisations develop the talent pipeline of women employees so that more women make it to senior management roles.

I write here on LinkedIn, on my website and on Huffington Post on subjects to help women achieve optimal potential in their careers and businesses.

Are you a high achieving woman? A woman striving to be the best that you can be.  A woman who wants to be a sphere of influence and be an authentic, bold, confident leader, excelling in your career or business.  Do you want to make a difference and a positive impact in your respective field or community? Do you want to do this AND be true to who you are, whilst living a meaningful, purposeful, balanced life?  If this is you and you're not part of the community, come on over and join the conversation here.