What Skin Cancer is Teaching Me

Disclaimer: there are some slightly graphic descriptions in this article. Please consider before reading if you are super squeamish!

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with skin cancer on my forehead.  My initial thought was “Not me, no way!  I never get sick”  

This is true - I made the decision several years ago that I didn’t have time or energy to get sick, and since then I literally never get sick.  

But cancer… what?? This was something I never expected to experience. 

So I got treatment for it, and thought that would be the end of it. The thing that felt the most bruised was my ego based on the 3 inch scar which now resides prominently on my forehead.

Last week, however, I was diagnosed with another spot, this time right next to my eye (thanks, cancer, for picking all of the most prominent places on my face to live).  At my consult with the doctor, they said it would require a plastic surgeon  to reconstruct that part of my face due to the location of the spot.  “It’s ok, I’ve got a great surgeon who does really good reconstructive work”, my doctor reassured me.  “Go check out his website when you get home.” 

Once I arrived back home that evening, I went to the gallery of the plastic surgeon he recommended.  What I know now is that if you are at all squeamish, going to a photo gallery for a plastic surgeon is generally a terrible idea.  

I clicked on the first thumbnail, and it was a reconstruction of a man whose eye has literally been shot out of his head.  I clicked the “X” button to shut down the site so fast it would have given you whiplash.  “This is who I am being sent to??”  I thought incredulously.  “It’s so bad I have to be sent to a man who reconstructs people’s eyes after they’re shot out of their head??” 

Now, I know cancer is a touchy subject, and I really respect whatever your experience and beliefs are about it.  For me personally, I believe that everything that happens in our life is something we create, and the tough stuff is linked to some type of lesson we need to learn about ourselves or life. I will also give the necessary disclaimer that I am not opposed to medical intervention when needed, that my husband is in healthcare and I have massive respect for our doctors and physicians.  However, I also believe in looking at every angle of a possible cause for something, and taking personal responsibility for changes we can make to positively influence the outcome.  

Ok - disclaimer over - back to the story. 

So, in a desperate attempt to not have to visit our friend the eye surgeon extraordinaire, I started really looking at why I might be creating this experience in my life. 

I started reading “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay, and what she says in the first chapter hit me like a ton of bricks.  

“We are each responsible for our own experiences”.   

She then goes on to say “Resentment that is long held can eat away at the body and become the dis-ease that we call cancer.” 

Now, as a personal development aficionado I thought I’d done ALL the work to release past resentments or hurts.  You name the seminar or program, and I’ve probably taken it, so I didn’t think there was any more resentment-releasing to be had. 

But I forced myself to dig deep and look at where I might still be holding on to resentments, and was surprised at how many places showed up.  Yes, there were some resentments toward others I thought I had released that were still showing up, but what really surprised me were the places where I had resentment toward myself and didn’t even realize it. 

There have been so many beautiful lessons I’ve uncovered in doing this work so far, and I’m sharing my top three with you here in hopes that they may help you as well: 

It’s ok to release what no longer serves you. 

Calling all my people pleasers - how often do we keep doing things or stay in situations that no longer serve us, simply because we don’t want to disappoint other people? What ends up happening is that, in an attempt to not disappoint or hurt other people, we end up hurting ourselves.  As I looked at that I realized there were four different situations where I was holding on to partnerships or situations that actually no longer served me, and the only reason I had stayed in them was because I didn’t want the other person to experience disappointment.  Instead of advocating for myself and realizing that what I want and need are just as important as what these other do, I suppressed my own desires so as to not make others uncomfortable. So, I spent several days making the hard calls to end or amend the situations, and remembered how amazing it feels to really stand up for what you need 

Your own ideas are as valid as anybody else’s 

Sometimes we hold on to resentment because we question whether an idea we have is good or valid, and then we see someone else take action on the same idea and have a great result.  This happened in my own life when about 6 years ago I had an idea for a personal branding service that I thought was a good idea, but was too scared to leave my corporate job to start.  Fast forward  four years later, and I joined two of my dear friends in the creation of their personal branding company, which has become a momentous success, crossing multiple seven figures in the first calendar year.  Now, I wouldn’t have had it happen any other way - I love my business partners and frankly they have done it way better than I could have when I first had the idea years ago.  However, I realized how important it is to know that your own ideas are as valid as anyone else’s.  How often do we dismiss a strike of inspiration or an impulse to try something new, because we think “no one would ever buy that?” or “I’m not qualified”.  If you’re quick to dismiss your ideas, other people will be as well.  Everything you buy into started with just an idea from another human who had the courage to believe in the validity of their own ideas.  I truly believe now that when you have a strike of inspiration to do or create something, it is the Universe asking for that thing to be created.  If you don’t take action on it, it will be given to someone else to carry out. 

The difference between action and aligned action 

I have to give a special shout out to my friend Tallia Deljou, who will be talking about this on my podcast in a few weeks.   This has been a big lesson for me, and one which I’m still continuing to learn.  How often do you do something, not because you actually want to and it’s aligned with your bigger vision, but because you “should?”  Whether it’s sending out an email blast just because you were told by your marketing coach that you “should” market on a certain interval, or saying yes to an opportunity you really wanted to say no to, it’s astounding when you start to look at the list of “should’s” in your life.  Enough of these built up over time creates resentment - resentment toward the people or action you feel obligated to, and resentment toward yourself for not listening to your inner knowing and taking the action that will actually move you forward toward your goals.  A great book on this which I’m now reading thanks to Tallia’s recommendation is “The Crossroads of Should and Must” by Elle Luna. 

We all have a teacher, usually in the form of a hard circumstance.  For many of us, that teacher has been the past several months of quarantine, the pause from life as we know it and now witnessing the growth of what will be a historic social movement.   For me, that teacher has been this skin cancer.  

My challenge and invitation to you is to take whatever the circumstance is, and look for the lessons it holds for you: 

• What are you holding on to that you really want to release? 
• What idea have you been suppressing for some time now that you’re actually deeply feeling called to act on? 
• Where are you taking action just based on obligation and “should”, rather than “must”? 

I know I still have lessons to learn in these areas, and my commitment to you is to share what I learn along the way. 

In the meantime, and in the spirit of taking only aligned action, you will be seeing a reduction in the amount of content I put out as I prepare to bring something new into the world that I’ve been wanting to create for the past 4 years (Yes - 4 years!!  If I’ve learned nothing else, it’s that it’s time to stop delaying the dream and go for it).   

I’m so excited to be bringing this forth, and to share what has become a true “must” for me with those it is meant to serve.  If you are a woman in sales who wants to make six figures or more but sell in a way that actually feels GOOD to you and incorporates the magic of all of your natural talents and abilities, send me an email at [email protected] to be notified when more is available to you. 

In the meantime if I can help you in any way with some of the lessons I shared in this article, don’t hesitate to reach out. 

Cheering you on,

Elyse