What Should Be Your #1 Inclusion Action? Start Respecting Black Women

I know a lot of people right now are talking and thinking about how they can support the Black community.

Today is Breonna Taylor’s birthday and her killers are still roaming free. Close your eyes and really think about that for a moment. A brilliant, loved, powerful woman was shot eight times in her bed in the middle of the night, and her killers have not even begun to be held accountable for their heinous actions. We demand justice for Breonna, and you can take these actions today to support.  

You can also start by respecting the Black women in your own life. 

?The truth is, Black women show the hell up for their families, their colleagues, their partners, and for the country in ways you can’t even begin to understand, all the while being one of the most mistreated and underestimated groups of people across the globe. 

At this very moment, much of the non-Black country is “doing the work” by subconsciously (and conveniently) looking past the violations they continue to perpetrate against Black women in their own lives. They’re beginning to follow Black activists like Rachel Cargle or Layla F. Saad, but showing up in those comments (breezing past multiple requests for silent observation) and continuing to center themselves and their own narratives. Many are trying to “check on” their Black female colleagues or friends, while saying things like, “This is heartbreaking. I can’t eat or sleep!” or ”How did I not know?” Or “How can I support you right now?” How can you support us? 

Here’s where you can start: 

• Stop devaluing Black women.
• Stop underestimating Black women.
• Stop pitying Black women.
• Stop interrupting Black women in meetings.
• Stop underpaying Black women.
• Stop perpetuating unwarranted fear of Black women. 
• Stop pigeonholing Black women. 
• Stop violating clear boundaries set by Black women.
• Stop criminalizing Black women. 
• Stop attempting to “reprimand” or control Black women. 
• Stop stealing and repackaging the work of Black women.
• Stop hypersexualizing Black women. 
• Stop tone-policing Black women.
• Stop fetishizing Black women.
• Stop ignoring the pain or concerns of Black women seeking healthcare, especially expectant mothers. 
• Stop labeling Black women, particularly as angry. 
• Stop gaslighting Black women.
• Stop undermining Black women.
• Stop expecting Black women to ask for your permission. 
• Stop thinking you’ll “relate” to the experience of Black women.
• Stop trying to silence Black women by placating us; we know when it’s happening. 

While I appreciate the desire to know and do more, the real, most powerful action starts at home—with yourself. 

Consider the Black women in your own life and the following prompts:

• What feelings come up when you think about those relationships, and what are they rooted in? Pity? Fear? The “Black Superwoman” stereotype? 
• How do you show up for them without constantly centering yourself?
• How do you practice being an ally or accomplice when any one of those things mentioned above are happening in your presence? (note: if you can’t recall one time you have seen this play out, you are probably not paying close enough attention to yourself or others) 
• If you hear or learn something from a Black woman in the workplace, how do you publicly and authentically credit her for it? 
• How do you intentionally build trust with Black women in your life? 

Notice I said to just consider or reflect at this time? Non-Black allies: an important component of anti-racism work is learning to sit with discomfort, without a rush to act or ease your shame or guilt. 

That space between realization and action is where the true learning occurs. 

Of course, broader, more general actions matter now (protesting, donating, emailing, etc) but don’t be in a rush to move past the self-reflection piece. You’ll be much more effective (as an ally and anti-racist influencer among White friends and family) having developed a higher tolerance for sitting in and working through your discomfort.

Relatedly, once you consider the ways in which you perpetrate micro-aggressions or other violations against Black women, do not go to said Black woman and ask for her opinion on your behavior, or apologize in an attempt to make yourself feel better by getting her stamp of approval.

Of course every relationship is different, but most Black women don’t need an apology as much as we need changed behavior. 

Lean into the quiet space within, and use your discoveries to fuel your engagement with, feelings for, and treatment of Black women you already know, and those who’ll cross your path in the future.